Sunday, February 13, 2011

Making commitments is difficult, especially for addicts and alcoholics. I've been dealing with a client for several months who spends a lot of time living in the past. She's talented and bright and could probably achieve whatever she wants. However, she's stuck in a dead-end job because she's afraid to risk doing something new. She makes vague statements about "going to school." She knows she needs to change, but is unable to take the first step.

"I know I need to do something," she says. "It's just difficult to get started."

"You know that most people who've held the home run record have also held the strikeout record?" I asked her.

She was familiar with the statistic. But she went on to say that it's her inability to get started, to make a real commitment. For much of her life she’d lived off of a trust fund as the beneficiary of an inheritance. She didn't manage her own money, leaving that responsibility to someone else. As a result, she had little left, except for obligations to the IRS. She feels stuck and unable to make the next move.

I suggested she make a solid commitment to do something - anything - without being concerned about the outcome. My experience has is that if we start making motions, some movement toward a desired goal, the universe will hear us and our life will change.

A good example comes from some of those I know who've tried to quit smoking this past year. One fellow used the 12 step program. By making a solid commitment to quit he now has a year smoke-free. He said once he made the commitment, and applied the principles of the 12 step program - quitting was easy.

There are also a couple of others in my office who say they want to quit. They've been making tepid attempts for over a year. However, after a few days, they succumb to the desire for a couple of puffs. “Just one” they’ll say in an exhibition of weak commitment. And they’re soon smoking as much as before.

Their commitment was no match for their desire for a cigarette.

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