Recovery Connections

John Schwary is CEO of Transitional Living Communities, an 850-bed recovery program he founded in Mesa, Arizona January 9, 1992, when he had a year sober. He's in his 28th year of recovery.

In these posts, he views life mostly through the lenses of recovery. While the blog is factual, he often disguises events and people to protect anonymity.

Monday, April 11, 2011

A friend was talking to me the other day about her daughter, a talented artist who's never had a long-term job and has lived at home much of her life.

The daughter's 30 years old and busy pursuing her dream of being a superstar, a goal the mother supports. The friend, who's raising younger children from a second marriage, is frustrated. She often fights with the daughter about money and getting a job. She asked me what I thought about the situation because the daughter is at times verbally abusive, drinks and smokes marijuana. She sometimes returns early in the morning after a night of partying.

My advice was to evict the daughter. The idea of a capable 30 year old living at home is irresponsible on the mother's part. The daughter's only doing what the mother allows. She knows her dream of future stardom motivates the mother to support her for as long as it takes.

She should give the daughter a deadline to find a job and move into her own apartment. When we don't allow people to grow we participate in their irresponsibility.

If we look out the window we can see mother birds teaching their babies to fly - and they do it when they're young.