Last week my grandson showed up after two years. Even though I thought we had a good relationship, he suddenly just dropped of my life. His disappearance came right after I loaned him several thousand dollars to buy a vehicle.
I wasn't sure at the time what had happened – why he suddenly quit talking to me. We’d always had an excellent communication - since he was a small boy. At least I thought so. I read Harry Potter to him when he was a child. And we used to body surf in San Diego while on vacation. I used to visit him while he was in juvenile hall. I could have never predicted that we’d not talk.
Because I've been in the 12 step programs for some 20 years I was able to deal with this emotional experience. I talked to my sponsor about what happened. I talked to my friends about this young man's sudden disappearance. It was very baffling to me. But because I've been sober for nearly 20 years I was able to realize that I don't control the universe.
The consensus was that this boy's drug and alcohol use changed his behavior. For me that was the only explanation.
I was gratified when he showed up. We embraced and cried. I told him that whatever was going on in his life, it didn't mean we had to stop communicating. He said he was ashamed because he hadn’t been in touch. I told him shame was not a great emotion. He agreed to communicate no matter what was going on. I believe most anything can be worked out – but it can't be worked out if we’re not talking.
It's good he’s back. And it's great to have the tools of the program when emotional situations cloud my life.