Responsibiltiy?

An addict friend who’s been clean for some time told me how she’d felt guilty for years after her father died while she was on a drug spree.

            “For years I blamed myself, felt that my behavior had caused his death,” she told me. “It was only after I’d lived with the 12-steps for several years that I realized I don’t have that kind of power. I felt guilty because I wasn’t there at the end. And I didn’t find out about his passing until seven months later.”

Many times during 20 years working with addicts I’ve met those who feel so guilty about what they’ve done to themselves – and their loved ones - that they blame themselves when bad things happen. They somehow think that when a family member dies, or a friend relapses, or an accident occurs they’re responsible. 

They tell themselves “If only ida done this or that,” maybe things would’ve turned out different. My question often is “Do you take responsibility for good things that happen to them also?” They usually get the point.

My suggestion is that we take the first part of the first step and modify it to say we’re powerless over nearly everything – especially things that happen to others. Of course others react to our bad and good behavior. But our effect on others is so difficult to determine that it’s futile for us take responsibility. We're not God.

This kind of emotional back and forth can only bring negativity and depression into our lives. And these negative emotions are a breeding ground for our next relapse.