Faking it...

An addict sent to us by the courts because of anger issues had an outburst in group today. It didn't surprise anyone, because for several weeks he was saying he was "cured."  When questioned, he'd say he had his anger under control. And it seemed for a while that he was right. He hadn’t blown up in a while – and seemed aware of what triggered his outbursts.

And awareness, I believe, is the key to successful change.  To reduce anger I must remain aware of things that inspire me to an outburst. If I want to stop being afraid , I need to pay attention to my fears and learn to confront them.  Whatever I'm trying to change, self-awareness is the key.

But this client came to group after a rough day at work in the hot sun. He hadn't slept well so was tired when he showed up. And because of this, his awareness was down. Instead of acting in his self-interests he let feelings take over.

When confronted afterward by his therapist he minimized the situation. But because the therapist knew why he'd been referred to the clinic he explained there was no minimizing the outburst. It was that very behavior  that brought him to treatment in the first place. Once the client realized the gravity of his outburst  - and that his probation status might be in jeopardy - he became contrite and apologetic. Ultimately he changed his attitude and once more exhibited compliance.

Whether he was acting – or not – makes no difference.  Often I suggest to clients that they fake a change of behavior so we can help them through the process to meet court requirements.

But what often happens when they follow this suggestion is they learn that the behavior they’re “faking” is actually working for them.  And they may keep it.