Recovery Connections

John Schwary is CEO of Transitional Living Communities, an 850-bed recovery program he founded in Mesa, Arizona January 9, 1992, when he had a year sober. He's in his 28th year of recovery.

In these posts, he views life mostly through the lenses of recovery. While the blog is factual, he often disguises events and people to protect anonymity.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Broken Heart

A recovering addict who’s depressed over relationship issues is immobilized by the pain of the breakup.

At one time she and her fiancee were happy. They spent time together at home, went camping, attended sporting events, enjoyed the same movies, and visited friends. She thought he was the most wonderful man alive.

Then she found out he was having an affair with a woman at work. And everything went downhill from there.

Her friends ask her why she’s so depressed over someone who treats her so cruelly. And, on an intellectual level she doesn’t know. She just knows how she feels. They tell her to date someone else. But she says that each time she’s about to follow their advice he’ll call and make nice. Then she starts thinking there might be hope for reconciliation.

And, of course, she goes back into depression when things don’t work out.

This woman really has two options: she can either accept that the man she loves is a philanderer who won’t change - or else make a decision that she has an innate human right to be happy.

As painful as it might be to lose the love of our life we won’t be happy until we give up the attachment.