Friday, May 10, 2013

Who's Responsible?

Group sessions allow clients to confront each other's behavior in a healthy manner.

But often - when we we're trying to sort out a client's behavior - they tend to focus on the other person instead of themselves.

And yesterday it happened again: two clients who'd been in cat fights for several days were put in group together to sort out the issue. But instead of talking about their part, they each focused on what the other person did. And it's usually a recipe for failure when we focus on the other person. We have no control over them. But, if lucky, we might have some control over our own behavior

An interesting thing always happens when a group moderator asked a client to focus upon themselves rather than the other person. All of a sudden the verbiage lessens. When we talk about our own behavior suddenly we choose our words more carefully. And when we look at ourselves we often become tongue-tied. Because what we say might point the finger at the person responsible – ourselves.

But for the past 20 years this technique has worked in our program. When two people are having ongoing communication issues we immediately have them go to the source of the problem – the reflection in the mirror.

And sometimes they get it.