Recovery Connections

John Schwary is CEO of Transitional Living Communities, a 850-bed recovery program he founded in Mesa, Arizona January 9, 1992 when he had a year sober. He's in his 27th year of recovery.

In these posts, he views life mostly through the lenses of recovery. While the blog is factual, he sometimes disguises events and people to protect anonymity.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Addiction Romance

Some of us, before sobriety, were in questionable relationships. We were involved with those with whom we had nothing in common - except drugs or alcohol.

We entered into pseudo relationships with those we’d never introduce to our family or friends before we became addicted. These weren’t necessarily bad people. In fact many were just like us: addicts whose first love was an immediate fix or drink.

Once we’re sober we wonder who these people are? These vestiges of our immediate past? The only thing we shared before was a drink, a pipe, or a needle. We might have professed passionate eternal love - but it was our mutual love of the drug or drink that kept us together.

And in early recovery we sometimes try to fill the vacuum left when we quit drugs by getting involved in recovery romances. Those rarely work out either because two needy recovering addicts rarely make a whole mature person who can deal with the vicissitudes of recovery.

Usually the weak one will pull the stronger partner down, rather than the strong one helping the weaker one survive.

Recovery is an individual process that takes personal strength.