Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Unknown Joy

A man in aftercare group said something perceptive last night. And it came out while he was describing the emotional ups and downs he's been going through.

He said, "I think I'm comfortable in the emotional mess I'm in right now. Maybe that's why it's hard for me to change."

What he said, I believe, is true for many of us – both in and out of recovery. We've been in the same situation for so much of our lives that we become comfortable with it. Even though we suspect there might be some unknown joy over the horizon, we won't take a risk to get to it.

What if we fail? What if we're uncomfortable with new found happiness? Even thinking about doing something new can raise our anxiety. I'm safe right here in my mess. If I leave it I might not be able to get back to it.

And when we addicts get our anxiety levels up, we know what happens next. We find a drink or drug to calm us down.

Is that the fear underlying our unwillingness to change? A fear that change might lead us to relapse?

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