Recovery Connections

John Schwary is CEO of Transitional Living Communities, an 850-bed recovery program he founded in Mesa, Arizona January 9, 1992, when he had a year sober. He's in his 28th year of recovery.

In these posts, he views life mostly through the lenses of recovery. While the blog is factual, he often disguises events and people to protect anonymity.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Practicing Change

A manager talks in group about wanting to change. He's angry at himself because he gets upset at how others behave. He lets their bad behavior weigh on his mind.

He doesn't like this aspect of his personality.

Someone suggests that it's about power and control. He doesn't disagree, but wonders how to be different.

A group member brings up page 417 in the recovery literature. It says, in part: "And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me..."

It follows that if we want others to behave as we expect we'll live much of our lives in a state of frustration.

To be different takes practice. Just because we recognize our behavior doesn't mean it will change. 

Change takes practice.

When others don't do as we expect we ask ourselves if what they're doing is our business. If not, we need to leave it alone.

When we're able to do this our lives go much smoother.

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