They're suffering because the other person doesn't give them what they want. The partner may be no longer interested. Or else they're not giving back. The reasons vary.
As a result life seems bleak. Thoughts of their partner occupy most of their waking headspace.
A man in recovery - who's out of state - periodically calls to vent. He wonders what's wrong with her. He tells me her shortcomings. He doesn't know whether to leave or stay. There's pain in his voice. And he's focused on what he wants, not what she wants. But I don't give advice. It's something they'll have to work or out between them. He knows I'm someone who'll listen for a while.
If I did tell him anything it would be that relationships are difficult for even so-called "normal" people. So how much harder might they be for those of us who have the added challenges of recovery?
But if we approach our relationships with the idea of giving to our partner - rather than taking - odds of success increase.
It's harder to get in trouble when we're giving love, when we're enhancing our partner's life. If we give them what they want it's likely they'll give us what we want.
