Thinking maybe he needs a ride to detox or perhaps money for a drink I drive to the side of the road and talk with him.
After a bit of small talk I see the conversation is going nowhere. At least nowhere positive like toward a detox or a conversation about getting into recovery.
So I peel off a few bills so he can maybe get his next drink and a motel or a meal and start to drive off.
And that's when he said probably the most honest thing he's told me in the ten years I've known him. And what he said was "You, know I just don't think I want this thing bad enough."
And he went on to describe how he can stay sober for a few months, but then one day the urge overtakes him and he's drunk again. And he's followed that cycle for years.
He said that on a thinking level he knows he's killing himself. But there's another part of him that just doesns't seem to care.
And of course isn't that the the thing with all of us. We need to get sick of the pain and misery to the point where we do start caring?