Recovery Connections

John Schwary is CEO of Transitional Living Communities, a 850-bed recovery program he founded in Mesa, Arizona January 9, 1992 when he had a year sober. He's in his 27th year of recovery.

In these posts, he views life mostly through the lenses of recovery. While the blog is factual, he sometimes disguises events and people to protect anonymity.

Thursday, April 21, 2016

The Changing Enablers

When I wrote the other day about writing 2100 blogs and not knowing how to stop I got a surprising number of responses.  Especially from enablers.

All of them told me to keep going. A number of them told me they had pulled way back. They had come to believe they were really enabling their family members by feeding them. Doing their laundry. And buying them smokes.

Some were totally burned out. And all of them had drawn lines they weren't going to cross.

They saw that enabling wasn't not improving anything. One mother wrote "I'm the worst enabler that I know of. Between counseling and your blog everyday, I have been able to STOP enabling and live my life. In turn, it has helped my son."

Another wrote: "Omg! I'm that mother. My daughter-23 years old clean 7 months! We are thrilled (of course). But she's manipulating again and I'm letting her!! I'm backing WAY off!! Thank you!"

I appreciate these messages and the many others I got. I'm glad to help them learn to toughen up - just as my own dear mother did with me.

But she saved my life - and added many good years to it. One of my roles is to pass on what works.

You can do that with your children.

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