Recovery Connections

John Schwary is CEO of Transitional Living Communities, a 850-bed recovery program he founded in Mesa, Arizona January 9, 1992 when he had a year sober. He's in his 27th year of recovery.

In these posts, he views life mostly through the lenses of recovery. While the blog is factual, he sometimes disguises events and people to protect anonymity.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Mother Love

I believe most mothers love their children. Even mothers who are drug addicts. Once they get sober they bear a lot of guilt because of the way they neglected their children while using.

And I'm not just putting this off on mothers. We just hear more about them because in drug relationships dad is often nowhere to be found.

And I put myself in that group. I spent time in prison and jail while my kids were growing up. So I too fall into that category.

But the kind of mothers who also harm their children are the ones who enable them. This comes up because today I read a comment from an addict's mother on the internet.

Apparently she put him on a plane from another state so he could come to TLC to get sober. She said that he wasn't there but a few hours when he called her. He said that the place was nothing like it was represented.

He claimed people were making drug deals in the courtyard. The place wasn't very "nice." And that they planned to put him to work the next day. Before she could arrange a plane ticket for him to come home, she lost contact with him.

She followed with a few comments about how TLC should be ashamed of its operation, taking advantage of people like her son. Those of you who know us get the idea.

Mothers who hover over their grown children and enable them while they're using are to be forgiven because they don't understand addiction. But many parents often harm their children by not getting tough with them about their drug use.

Many of them don't realize they're on the wrong path until they see their bank accounts dwindling because of treatment bills and plane fares to out-of-state programs. And yet the kid's still using, blaming his failure on the treatment program.

Once they realize they're on an endless treadmill they start to change.

Once everyone quit helping me - including my mother - that's when I began to change. Her toughness saved my life.

Maybe in a few years this mother will realize that the "help" she's giving her son isn't working.