Recovery Connections

John Schwary is CEO of Transitional Living Communities, an 900-bed recovery program he founded in Mesa, Arizona January 9, 1992, when he had a year sober. He's in his 30th year of recovery.

In these posts, he views life mostly through the lenses of recovery. While the blog is factual, he often disguises events and people to protect anonymity.

Saturday, January 4, 2020

We get Emails

I often get responses to my blogs from regular readers who can relate to experiences they're having with family members. And in some cases, I develop long-term email relationships with those readers. The lady below, Mary Moore, and I have been corresponding for what seems to be about five or six years about her 48-year-old son. Anyway, I recently wrote a blog about enabling our loved ones by helping them out when they're drinking and drugging. 

I like receiving emails like this because it lets me know that what I write has a positive impact on some people. In this case, she has at least been able to keep herself from enabling her son any further. Her behavior toward him may cause him to seek change in his life, rather than to rely upon others.

And here's the response she sent me.

"Happy New Year. Praying 2020 will be a year of positive change for all of us.

I just read your blog “Loving them to death”. Your blog was spot on!

I have been guilty of all those enabling issues with my son, Tony Ben, 48 years old. He is still living homeless in downtown KCMO.

I no longer let him sleep in my apt, no longer do his laundry, pick him up, pay his tobacco, and give him $.

It has been difficult lately due to holidays also weather being very cold ( fear for him to get frostbite)

I pray and attend Alanon meetings.

One day at a time. Thank you again for your words of wisdom and support. Take care my friend.

Mary Moore."

What has worked for Mary may also work for the rest of you who may have a problem with enabling.