tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44519766456277087632024-03-17T17:40:21.826-07:00Recovery ConnectionsJohn Schwaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01383277195402889385noreply@blogger.comBlogger3240125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4451976645627708763.post-26914227995027841832024-03-17T17:38:00.002-07:002024-03-17T17:39:49.754-07:00Back at AA<p>I finally did something I haven't done since I joined the program 33 years ago; I went for weeks without attending a meeting. And why would I give up the lifeline that rescued me from the very misery that nearly destroyed my life? </p><p>Simple. I'd had an accident while working out and fractured my right foot - causing the doctor to fit me with at boot that confined my to my home since the first week of December. While that doesn't seem like very long, maybe you should give it a try sometime. At first I didn't think it would be a big deal. Plenty of time to catch up on my reading. Lots of time to binge watch movies. Plenty of time to hang out on the web.</p><p>But let me tell you something; when you're a physically active person just hanging around the house gets boring real fast. While I got a lot of support from AA friends and my sponsor there's nothing like spending time at meetings fellow - shipping with those I got sober with.</p><p><a href="mailto:schwary@msn.com">Click here to email John</a></p>John Schwaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01383277195402889385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4451976645627708763.post-876450024595454192024-03-14T19:56:00.002-07:002024-03-14T19:57:39.962-07:00Enjoying Work<p>I finally spent a full day at work after having been under medical care for nearly four months. The broken foot I suffered December third had prevented me from getting to my upstairs office. My doctor made me wear a boot that prevented me from going to the second floor of the non-profit where I work - one that that doesn't have funds for elevators,</p><p>We finally got around the problem by moving my office downstairs until my foot completely heals. And what a joy it was too get back! Not that we got any work done, but did some catching up on business.</p><p>During my time away I found myself falling into bouts of depression. While we were able to work remotely, there's nothing like working alongside my companions in recovery.</p><p>That's why I don't look at the work I do as a job. Instead, I look at it as an avocation that helps me and others help people on the path of recovery. Totally immerse yourself in your work, in your mission, and you'll never work a day in your life.</p><p><a href="mailto:schwary@msn.com">Click here to email John</a></p>John Schwaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01383277195402889385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4451976645627708763.post-13849534036599898692024-03-11T11:43:00.001-07:002024-03-11T11:43:16.754-07:00Patience a Virtue?When I broke my right foot during the first six days of my vacation to Mexico last December 3, I decided I'd try to look at the positive side of the situation. After all, I'd have plenty of time to catch up on several audio books I'd been meaning to finish. Movies I'd been wanting to catch up on Puzzles I'd been wanting to been wanting to unravel, However, it didn't work out that way.<div><br /></div><div>Why didn't things go as I'd envisioned? One of the the things I didn't factor in was doctors' appointments. Nor did I consider that I might get sick from something else. Which I did; three weeks after I broke my foot, I spent six days in the hospital with a urinary tract infection. And after being released from the hospital I came down with a 10 day case of the flu. And a week after that I had a pacemaker implanted into my heart. It seemed to go on and on. I was starting to lose patience with everything and everyone - even though people were going out of their way to be helpful and pleasant to make my life easy as possible. It seemed the more patience I tried to practice the more I needed,</div><div><br /></div><div>Was this a test from the Universe? Am I that important? I don't think so. I think - as I often say here is that life just happens. And we must accept it as it comes, And now that's what I'm trying to do.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="mailto:schwary@msn.com">Click here to email John</a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>John Schwaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01383277195402889385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4451976645627708763.post-60967173847422365862024-02-26T10:24:00.000-07:002024-02-26T10:24:11.889-07:00Helping NewcomersMany addicts come into recovery and gravitate toward helping other addicts begin the walk toward recovery. Some of them become very enthusiastic about becoming a mentor, or counselor or someone others can lean when times are emotionally challenging.<div><br /></div><div>I used to discourage this behaviour at first. I asked what does a newcomer know about recovery? What kind of wisdom does he/she have to impart? Maybe some drama. But something of real value? something with a valuable lesson? Probably not. But then I changed my mind.</div><div><br /></div><div>I changed it because I realized that sometimes raw experience is the best kind of knowledge. If I can tell you of a first hand experience it might have some real value in your life. Vicarious experience - the experience we learn from others- that's the kind of knowledge that's valuable because someone's experienced it first hand. </div><div><br /></div><div>And what could be more real than that?</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="mailto:schwary@msn.com">Click here to email John</a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>John Schwaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01383277195402889385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4451976645627708763.post-68766563807320081162024-02-23T19:00:00.002-07:002024-02-23T19:01:31.053-07:00Helping the Homeless<p> Out of the 800+ clients that we have at TLC, probably 90% of them have been homeless at one time or other. When drugs and alcohol are your priority a person doesn't have money for housing and food and the privilege of living indoors.</p>I bring this up today because once a month TLC has a business meeting. And today, after our meeting, the entire group, made up of about 35 staff members and managers, got into their vehicles and delivered food and bottles of water to the homeless. Part of this was a way of giving back to others who were in the same situation we were in at one time, and the other part was to give those people an opportunity to come to TLC where they would have the opportunity to change their lives.<br /><br />All in all it was a very successful run and everywhere we stopped we passed out bags of food and water and it disappeared within minutes.<br /><br />On the way home, those in our truck discussed what a lesson in gratitude it was to be able to do what we did. So many people – not just us addicts and alcoholics – take for granted the many blessings we have in our life. We all take for granted the idea that we have food to eat each day. That we have cold water. A job to go to. A place to take a shower and wash our clothes – the basic necessities of life. But the people we saw today were so grateful for the tidbits that we handed them that it was almost overwhelming.<br /><br />I'm not writing this to advocate that being homeless is a good thing, because it's not. A lot of political people and others get into debates about why people are homeless, or why we should help the homeless, or that the homeless are lazy, or that they are drug addicts. I only write this to say that we should have enough compassion for our fellow human beings to help them on whatever level we can. None of us know the stories of how these people ended up homeless. It may be true that they are drug addicts. It may be true that they are lazy. Perhaps they have mental issues. Who knows?<br /><br />But the bottom line is, the core of the issue is, that if people's lives are bad enough that they have to live outdoors and struggle for the basic necessities of life then they need our help. And once they get that help we can later sort out positive ways to help them change their lives permanently. Whether that help comes in the form of providing housing, jobs, education, healthcare, or whatever else they need.<br /><br />Probably none of these people we saw today woke up one morning and said, "Gee, I think it would be a great idea to become homeless." Within each one of them is probably a long twisted story of how they ended up on the streets. But judging them, condemning them, or looking down upon them, is definitely not going to make their life any better. There are groups out there helping the homeless and doing it somewhat effectively. But much more needs to be done to really make a dent in the problem.<br /><br />It's so heartbreaking to see our fellow human beings suffering – no matter who caused the suffering or how they ended up on the streets.<br /><br /><a href="mailto:schwary@msn.com" target="_blank">Click here to email John</a><br /><br /><br />John Schwaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01383277195402889385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4451976645627708763.post-10718150651370052522024-02-20T11:58:00.003-07:002024-02-20T11:59:46.566-07:00Our Choice<p>When we bring our child home from the hospital it is with joy and gladness in our hearts.</p>Doe's he look more like me? His dad? His grandfather? We watch every move. to make sure he's covered. Take lots of pictures. We make sure that he keeps his medical appointments. And we're happy when the doctor says our baby is in perfect health.<br /><br />But the doctor can't see into future. Nor can we. None us were able to see years ahead when this aberration pops up. This disease that takes control of his life - seemingly overnight.<br /><br />One moment he's like any other kid. Getting decent grades. Playing sports. Chasing girls. The next his grades are falling. The police bring him home one night. He lies about the black eye he got because he didn't pay the connection for the oxies he got on credit.<br /><br />Then we go into the next phase. We blame ourselves for this change in behavior. We didn't do enough, maybe? Or too much. We did our best? Or did we? Maybe we should have taken him to church, Or moved to another neighborhood.<br /><br />The guilt and shame and puzzlement piles up. What to do? We've gone through money getting him to treatment and to shrinks. Nothing has helped.<br /><br />Our health and finances are failing. Yet we still don't have answers. And we don't stop to think about the obvious one: that maybe his addiction is his choice. His fault. After all, we're not Gods. We're only parents. And the inexplicable happens to everyone. Good people and bad people all get ground up equally beneath the wheels of chance.<br /><br />What to do? We can pray. We can put him on the streets where the rest of the addicts end up. Or we can live in self-condemnation and guilt while still supporting him.<br /><br />But we must remember that we also have a life to live. And we need to make our choices: guilt and shame about something we can't control - or happiness that we still make choices that are in our own benefit.<br /><div><br /></div><div>It's our choice.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="mailto:schwary@msn.com">Click here to email John</a></div><div><br /></div>John Schwaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01383277195402889385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4451976645627708763.post-46077710018074339872024-02-16T20:49:00.001-07:002024-03-12T18:16:41.455-07:00Forgiving the Mansons<p>Deborah Tate, the sister of Manson family victim Sharon Tate, told People magazine that she said a prayer for Manson's soul when she heard he'd died in a Bakersfield hospital. She'd previously said that she would pray for Manson and his followers upon their deaths.</p>Deborah told NBC4 that while she forgives the Manson Family, what they did will remain with her forever. And even though she's forgiven them, she's played an active role in objecting to the release of any of them in front of the California parole board. But forgiveness is one thing, and protecting the public from further harm is another. Which is why she objects to the parole of any of them because she thinks they're still dangerous.<br /><div><br />“I’ve forgiven them, but that doesn't mean I’ve forgotten what they did,” she said. “I'll never forget.”<br /><br />This woman is a good example of forgiveness and of praying for those who harm us. Whether knowingly or unknowingly, she's practicing one of the concepts taught in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous on page 552. And that is learning how praying for two weeks for someone we resent can help us get over that resentment.<br /><br />In commenting on her forgiveness, I have to admit that even after being sober for over 26 years, I'm not sure I'm as big as she is in that regard. Though I would like to be.<br /><br />The idea of spending much of our lives being angry at someone or hating someone – no matter what they did – is harmful to our health and sanity. That's why forgiveness makes sense.<br /><br />It's not about them, it's about us - and our freedom.</div><div><a href="mailto:schwary@msn.com" target="_blank"><br /></a></div><div><a href="mailto:schwary@msn.com" target="_blank">Click here to email John</a></div>John Schwaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01383277195402889385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4451976645627708763.post-50323073684636214812024-02-12T16:53:00.000-07:002024-02-12T16:53:22.115-07:00Success at Last<p>The e-mail surprised me. It was from a former client that many of us didn't expect to see again. When he left us in mid-2007, he had relapsed and some of us didn't think he would survive.</p><p>It is not unusual for clients to leave because they have relapsed – and many of them return to try again. But this man's situation was unique. He had lost his kidneys a few years before entering our program. He had previously received a transplant which didn't work. He received dialysis a few times a week during his time at TLC. He struggled with his health and fought the doctor's instructions that he shouldn't drink sodas. To many of us, the idea that someone without kidneys would start using again demonstrated for us the power of our disease.</p><br />His e-mail said he had been sober for three years, was in town on vacation, and would like to drop by the office. It was a good visit and he told how his life is going. He lives in another state with his fiancee and will soon graduate from nursing school. He goes to dialysis a few times a week and is on a transplant waiting list for a new kidney.<br /><br />I asked how he had finally changed and was able to remain sober for over three years. He explained that he started accepting his situation and that made all the difference. He said that once he got into acceptance his life began to change. He accepts the hours-long drudgery of being hooked to a machine. Sometimes he reads, sometimes he studies, sometimes he naps. His life has been working and he is enjoying his sobriety.<br /><br />It says on page 417 in the literature that “acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.”<br /><br />It seems like this former client has successfully incorporated the concept into his life.<div><br /></div><div><a href="click here to email John">Click here to email John</a></div>John Schwaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01383277195402889385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4451976645627708763.post-19192408089981204082024-02-10T15:58:00.000-07:002024-02-10T15:58:13.923-07:00Anxiety<p>A while back I dealt with a client who had a severe case of anxiety. He had trouble sleeping. He had trouble relaxing. He spent a great deal of time looking into the future, or dwelling in the past.</p><p>And like many of the addicts in our program he had the perfect solution for his anxiety: he would bury it with drugs or alcohol until he passed out. The only problem is that he had to wake up the next day and start all over again. This regimen didn't work out very well for him because eventually he lost his job, his marriage, his automobile, and the home that he lived in for seven years.</p><p>As I got better acquainted with him I learned that he had been treated poorly as a child. But instead of blaming those who mistreated him, he blamed himself for the bad things that happened to him. And of course that affected his self-worth. When in school he got poor grades. He ended up hanging with other students who had similar experience to his. He had found a clique of drug addicts to whom he could relate and who accepted him just as he was. And because of his association with them he eventually ended up in juvenile hall and then jail. And for the next 20 years he spent a lot of time associating with people like him and ultimately returning to jail or prison.</p><p>During my sessions with him I was able to help him understand that he could do nothing about the past. Nor could he really plan a future. But something that he would be able to do that would bring him some happiness and peace was to learn how to live in the moment. It took a while for me to help him understand that the only thing he had control over was this moment. And when he spent his time in the past or the future he was wasting a lot of the brief time that we all have here on earth.</p><p>After a while his anxiety went away because he began to grasp the concepts that I was teaching him about living in the moment. Someone taught me that concept a long time ago. And when I'm able to share it with others who begin to use it in their lives I feel like I'm helping someone learn how precious each moment of our life is.</p><p><a href="mailto:schwary@msn.com">Click here to email John</a></p>John Schwaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01383277195402889385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4451976645627708763.post-51740728548559521102024-02-07T12:25:00.000-07:002024-02-07T12:25:44.063-07:00The cost of Greed<p> It's only been within the past year that I've become aware of fraudulent treatment programs taking advantage of our indigent populations. And the fraud is so massive that much of the money may never be recovered.</p><p>The story I heard was that a group from another country perpetrated the fraud, provided zero services, yet collected premium rates for their so-called services. The real victims here are those who expected treatment and received nothing.</p><p>Hopefully, Arizona authorities will find the perpetrators and give them them the justice they deserve, After all it's hard enough to provide treatment when circumstances are favorable, let alone when criminals are taking advantage of the system.</p><p><a href="mailto:schwary@msn.com">Click here to email John</a></p><p><br /></p><p><span></span><br /><span></span></p><a name='more'></a><p></p>John Schwaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01383277195402889385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4451976645627708763.post-80274760033668120332024-02-03T22:05:00.003-07:002024-02-03T22:05:59.336-07:00Don't ExpectWhen I went to Puerto Vallarta last November it was with the idea of having my usual good time enjoying the food, the culture, and the total experience. But as those who've been following this blog know my life on vacation didn't quite out as planned, Instead, I slipped and broke my foot when I tripped on a carpet,<div><br /></div><div>It took about a week for me to accept the injury. But once I accepted my injury guess what happened next; I came down with the flu. And the next thing that came along was a reoccurrence of atrial flutter. I finally decided to stop expecting to get better because it wasn't working very well. And it has, since I've not been expecting to feel better i've have no more ailments.</div><div><br /></div><div>So the lesson here is to accept whatever comes our way. We'll be happier.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="mailto:schwary@msn.com">Click here to email John</a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>John Schwaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01383277195402889385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4451976645627708763.post-3898373187672972202024-01-31T12:02:00.007-07:002024-01-31T17:41:41.321-07:00Being SickFor those of you who've followed this blog over the past 25 years, you know that I've rarely called in sick for any reason. I've broken bones on more than one occasion, had cancer on two occasions, and various other maladies. But this was different. I had a series of things happen.<div><br /></div><div>First, I broke my right foot while working out, five days into my vacation in Mexico. After I was home a week, I came down with a rare urinary tract infection. That was followed by a serious cold. Then I came down with a case of atrial flutter. With all that I really felt sick. I was so weak, I could barely stand without a walker. I just felt like lying around with my foot elevated.</div><div><br /></div><div>My doctor said I should be back at the office next week. I hope he's right.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="mailto:schwary@msn.com">Click here to email John</a></div>John Schwaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01383277195402889385noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4451976645627708763.post-29579731921566056462024-01-19T08:45:00.000-07:002024-01-19T08:45:11.517-07:00Medical Leave<p> I am currently on medical leave. I will return soon with a new blog. </p>John Schwaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01383277195402889385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4451976645627708763.post-82858884932800476552024-01-16T13:59:00.000-07:002024-01-16T13:59:26.480-07:00Acceptance<p>When one is ailing and goes to the doctor the first thing the doctor does is diagnose the ailment. Something similar happens when one goes to an attorney with a legal problem: the attorney defines what the problem is so that he knows what he or she is dealing with.</p>And what happens when an alcoholic gets deep into Alcoholics Anonymous is that he or she accepts that they have a drinking problem. And it's really that basic. Before we can resolve any challenge that we're facing in our life, we first have to define what the challenge is.<br /><br />Now in the case of an alcoholic or an addict it would seem obvious what our problem is. And the reason it would seem obvious is because we are always getting in some kind of trouble. We either end up broke. Divorced. Homeless. Or maybe even in prison. Or perhaps with some kind of health issue.<br /><br />So one of the most important words, in my opinion and in the opinion of many others, is acceptance. And after that, while it may not be an easy road, the steps we have to take to change our lives are very clear. They are in the big book. They are on the walls of virtually every twelve-step meeting room. They are the subject of big book studies.<br /><br />But for many newcomers, and I was one of them, the acceptance of our alcoholism is sometimes not so easy. We might ask ourselves questions like maybe I should just stick to drinking wine. Or beer. Or whiskey. Or maybe I should just smoke pot. Or take pills. These are all forms of denial that keep us from getting sober.<br /><div><br />Acceptance is key, really the only key to a sober life. Because once we realize that every time we drink alcohol we get into some kind of trouble we find the source of our problem. And once we find the source of our problem, then we find the answer to our problem. And the reason we go to meetings is because there are a lot of people there who have faced problems we may one day face. Yet they have come through the experience with their sobriety intact. And that's why it's important for us to hang around with sober people and to go to twelve-step meetings. We learn that if we want to stay sober we do what sober people do.<br /><br />But if we can't accept what we hear in the meeting rooms from the veterans who have been sober for many years we may just have to go out and try it once again. And that's why acceptance is the key, acceptance that we are alcoholics and addicts. A simple word, yet it contains a world of wisdom.<br /><br /><a href="mailto:schwary@msn.com" target="_blank">Click here to email John</a></div>John Schwaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01383277195402889385noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4451976645627708763.post-10973886106054819232024-01-13T14:24:00.000-07:002024-01-13T14:24:13.081-07:0033 Years<p>33 years ago, when I was 51 years of age my life was at the crossroads. I was addicted to heroin and alcohol. I was homeless. I was living in a stolen car. I was stealing every day to get enough money to supply my drug and alcohol habit.</p><p>My drug addled brain was going round and round. I had no goals except for one: and that goal was to stop the pain of the useless life I was living.</p><p>I weighed my various options. I could keep doing what I was doing and go back to prison. I could end up in a mental hospital where I had been before. Or I could get sober and try to do something different with my life. For some reason – may be a push from God – I decided that I would try to live sober for the rest of my life.</p><p>Now I knew that that was something I could not do on my own, that I was powerless over any kind of drugs or alcohol. So I decided to find a detoxification facility where I could get the drugs and alcohol out of my system.</p><p>The detox facility accepted me after a brief interview. They fed me. They assigned me a bed. In the following days they began to educate me about my disease. I attended counseling groups and 12 step meetings. I was willing to do whatever they asked of me because I was sick and tired of the pain that I had been going through for the past several weeks of my disease. After 11 days at that facility the staff determined that I was well enough to leave. They found me a local halfway house here in Mesa, Arizona and I began to look for work, attend meetings, and also participate in groups at the halfway house.</p><p>My idea when I got there was to spend 30 days and then leave. It didn't work out that way. After 30 days I realized that I did not have a good foundation in recovery and decided to stay for six months. Then at six months I realize I still didn't know enough about my disease so I made a commitment to stay for one year, which I did.</p><p>While in that recovery program I decided that I would go into a field where I could help other people get sober because I was so grateful for the help I had received, help that had changed my life. So I made a decision to start my own halfway house once I finished my year. I started planning and looking for a place where I could put 50 beds. Because I had no finances and no credit it was not easy to find a location. But I did.</p><p>It seemed that once I decided to get sober everything started going my way. In closing, I want to encourage anyone who is having trouble with alcohol or drugs to get sober and pursue their dreams. If it worked for someone like me I know that it'll work for you.</p><p><a href="mailto:schwary@msn.com">Click here to email John</a></p>John Schwaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01383277195402889385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4451976645627708763.post-68647033182637411452024-01-10T20:42:00.001-07:002024-01-10T20:46:00.205-07:00Gratitude for Everything<p>Often times at meetings the chairperson or the speaker will select gratitude as a topic. In fact it is selected so often that sometimes a mock groan will go up in the group. Yes, it is selected so often that it has almost become a platitude. Yet, what is gratitude?</p>To me, gratitude is being totally aware of the many blessings that I have in my life. And what are those blessings? Many of us see blessings as the material things we have in our lives. We have a good job. We have a new car. We have a wonderful husband or wife. We have a nice circle of friends. These are all things for which we should have gratitude.<br /><br />But I believe, and have read, that we should have gratitude for everything that occurs in our life.<br /><br />Does this mean that I should be grateful for the bad things that happen to me? Does this mean that I should be grateful for the misfortune that comes my way? It is a tough concept to swallow, but I believe that the answer is yes. And why should this be, we might ask?<br /><br />It is often the challenges that life imposes that make us better people. Or creates better situation for us. 33 years ago I was homeless, broke and addicted. Now no one would look at those circumstances and say they should have gratitude for the situation. Yet it was from those very circumstances that my life began to change. When I finally reached the depths of my addiction I was forced to make a choice. I could either continue as I was or end up back in prison. Or I could admit that I was an alcoholic and go into a detoxification unit. I chose the latter and my life began to change.<br /><br />After 11 days I left the detoxification unit and went to a halfway house. I have gratitude for that halfway house because they accepted me without money. They fed me, provided peer counseling, and gave me hope for the future. The first six months there I worked a series of entry-level jobs. I did day labor. I worked as a telemarketer. I washed windows for pocket money. I rode a bicycle, took buses and bummed rides from other residents of the halfway house. But today, 33 years later, I still remember the sense of gratitude about the small improvements in my life during those first months of sobriety.<br /><br />I have gratitude because from those humble beginnings many years ago I have become the success that I am today. Today I still don't automatically have gratitude for challenges that might confront me. But if I look at some of the seemingly impossible situations that have ended well, then I can approach life with gratitude.<div><br /></div><div><a href="mailto:schwary@msn.com">Click here to email John</a></div>John Schwaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01383277195402889385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4451976645627708763.post-28046414266070718152024-01-07T12:37:00.001-07:002024-01-07T12:37:48.811-07:00Be here Now<p><i><b>Don’t judge yourself by your past. You don’t live there anymore</b>." </i>Unknown</p>Many addicts and alcoholics new to recovery judge themselves by their past. And many of them bear a heavy burden from the things they've done.<br /><br />Maybe they've abandoned their families. Perhaps they committed a crime while drug seeking and ended up in prison. Others have experienced bankruptcy or divorce. Without a lot of looking most of us in recovery can find many things to judge ourselves for.<br /><br />I think it's good for us to remember the price we paid for our addiction, but to continue to define our whole lives by our disease is a waste. Because the reality is that we alcoholics and addicts are known for bad decisions and poor judgment. But for us to waste our precious headspace and time dwelling on what we did and how far we've fallen behind our peers can impede our recovery.<br /><br />Instead, we must learn to forgive ourselves and to live in the present. That's not to say that what we did was okay, or that we shouldn't make amends for our misdeeds, but when we forgive ourselves we can make progress.<br /><br />I've witnessed many times what happens when addicts live in the past: they end up returning there and repeating their history. But those who have a healthy outlook on what they did, and who are working on recovery, can find themselves living successful lives.<br /><br />I have some outstanding friends who have been sober over 25 years who have rebuilt their lives in every way. They are physically, financially, and spiritually healthy and giving back to the world and to their families.<br /><div><br /></div><div>You can do the same by living in the present and moving forward.<br /><br /><a href="mailto:schwary@msn.com" target="_blank">Click here to email John</a></div>John Schwaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01383277195402889385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4451976645627708763.post-44461535809426580732024-01-04T14:58:00.001-07:002024-01-04T14:58:44.167-07:00Counting our Blessings<p>As we start our day do we look at our blessings? At the gifts we have in our lives? At the many opportunities the universe has given us?</p>If that's the way you woke up this morning congratulations. Because gratitude is the nectar that makes life sweeter and more worthwhile.<br /><br />But what if we weren't taught to look at our lives this way? Maybe we grew up in poverty. Or in a family of alcoholics and addicts. Perhaps negativity was in the air.<br /><br />The good news is that we can overcome this upbringing by changing our focus. Many of us grew up noticing what we didn't have. We compared ourselves to others and always came up short.<div><br />And the reason we came up short is because we compared ourselves to those who had more.<br /><br />However, if we must compare, maybe we should compare ourselves to those who have less. Then we can develop gratitude.<br /><br />There are parts of the world where poverty and disease are rampant. Where there's little or no employment or opportunity for education. Where war and strife are part of daily life.<br /><br />When we see others living amidst these major challenges it’s easy to recognize our blessings.</div><div><br /></div><div>And be thankful.<br /><br /><a href="mailto:schwary@msn.com">Click here to email John</a></div>John Schwaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01383277195402889385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4451976645627708763.post-22734405316463654592024-01-01T15:16:00.002-07:002024-01-01T23:13:12.708-07:0025 Year Resentment<p>A few days ago one of my business associates sent me a post she found on Facebook. She sent it because it was written by a TLC client from 25 years ago who was still angry at some of our former managers, and me in particular.</p><p>Now usually I don't even read things that are critical of the program beyond the first paragraph or two. And that's because most of these diatribes are from people who were in our program and dismissed because they wouldn't follow the guidelines – or more likely weren't ready to get sober. But my interest was piqued because I couldn't imagine someone being angry at a rehabilitation program they'd been in 25 years ago. I kind of scratched my head because I wondered what terrible things happened to him that made him have such a lengthy resentment.</p><p>One thing I was certain of was that this gentleman hadn't been sober since he left our program. Because people who are sober and clean learn how to put things behind them and not spend a lot of time on resentments. My belief is that we only have so much time on this earth and it's probably better if we use that time productively and being an asset to the community.</p><p>I recall that it didn't take much to get me angry. And being angry always led me to stick a needle in my arm or else pick up a bottle of something to get me out of my mind. But something about this one caught my interest. And that's because the people he was referring to were managers over 25 years ago. None of them are even with the program today with the exception of myself.</p><p>My advice to people who develop these kind of resentments is to do one of two things: either forget about them or else ask to meet with the person that you're resentful at. I know that a lot of people have been angry at me over the years about the way we run TLC. </p><p>And I don't blame them for being angry. There was a time - before I got sober - that I didn't want anyone telling me anything. My problem wasn't me. It was everyone else in the world that was causing my problems. And as long as I could blame them I didn't have to be responsible for any of my shitty behaviors.</p><p>I guess the thing that disturbs me more than anything else about this gentleman's anger at TLC is all the time he's wasted. He might've been able to get a college degree with the amount of time he spent thinking about us over such a period of time.</p><p>In closing, I would like to invite him – or anyone else – who bears us anger to make an appointment to talk with me. If I did something to harm them I'll be happy to clean up my side of the street. And if they just want to vent, then I'll be willing to listen to that also.</p><p>And if they need a place to go to get sober – if that's what they need – then our doors are always open.</p><p><a href="mailto:schwary@msn.com">.Click here to email John</a></p>John Schwaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01383277195402889385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4451976645627708763.post-77079190683516697182023-12-29T20:20:00.000-07:002023-12-29T20:20:26.127-07:00100% Success!<p> I was reflecting today on a story I heard over 33 years ago when I first joined Alcoholics Anonymous. And it goes like this:</p>A young man was attending his first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous and someone suggested that he find himself a sponsor.<br /><br />Since he didn't know what a sponsor's function was or how he could be helped by a sponsor the man he was talking to explained it.<br /><br />After it was explained, he asked the man if he knew anyone who could work with him as a sponsor. And the man obligingly pointed out an older gentleman who was seated at the other side of the meeting room.<br /><br />The young man approached the older gentleman with some trepidation. Then he asked if he could talk to him about being his sponsor.<br /><br />"What would you like to talk about?," asked the older man.<br /><br />"Well," asked the younger man, "how many people have you sponsored?"<br /><br />The older man scratched his head for a moment, then answered "Probably in the hundreds."<br /><br />"And," asked the younger man, "How many of them are sober today? In other words, what's your success rate?"<br /><br />"My success rate is 100%," answered the older man.<br /><br />The younger man looked at him in astonishment. "You mean that 100% of the people you sponsored are sober?"<br /><br />"No," the older man replied. "But I am."<br /><br />And I've always loved this story because it kind of sums up the secret of Alcoholics Anonymous: when we work with others and help them stay sober we have a good chance of staying sober ourselves.<br /><br /><a href="mailto:schwary@msn.com" target="_blank">Click here to email John</a>John Schwaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01383277195402889385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4451976645627708763.post-61168966153080519382023-12-26T12:53:00.001-07:002023-12-26T12:53:25.801-07:00We have Choices<p> It's amazing how we can change our lives if we just make a decision to do so. I say this, because 33 years ago this month I was sitting on a park bench wondering what I was going to do with my life.</p><p>I was homeless. I was addicted to heroin and alcohol. I was sleeping in a stolen car. I had no money, no insurance, and no plans about how I was going to live my life. I was totally demoralized and sick and tired of the way I was living. I had no family or friends who wanted to speak to me. They'd given up.</p><p>While sitting on that bench I realized that I had a few choices. I could keep doing what I was doing and end up back in prison, in a hospital, a mental institution, or I could go into a detoxification unit and get sober. After sitting there for some time I decided to try to change my life by getting sober. So I located a detoxification center on Bellevue St. in Mesa, Arizona. Even though I had no money or insurance, they accepted me. They kept me there for 11 days, until I no longer had a craving and I was no longer sick. Then they found a local halfway house a few blocks away that would accept me without funds. And that's how I began my journey into recovery.</p><p>When I went in that halfway house it was with the idea that I would stay about 30 days. Then I would leave, find an apartment, and begin living like other people. But after I was there 30 days I realized that wasn't nearly enough time for me to get my life together. I discussed the issue with my sponsor and he suggested I stay six months and get a really solid footing in recovery. So for a change, I listened to someone else's advice, someone who had more experience than I did with recovery, and made a commitment to stay six months.</p><p>But even at six months, I realized that I didn't have the solid footing that I felt I needed. So without even discussing it with my sponsor I made a decision on my own to stay in the program a full year before I went out of my own. During the last six months of that stay in the halfway house I went to work for them as a house manager. I enjoyed that kind of work and because I like to help people, I thought I might start a halfway house of my own after I had more experience.</p><p>I won't burden you with all the details and hassles I went through to secure my first three houses after I had a year sober. I will tell you that it was scary to take that first step and that the first year was really a bitch. But after the first year things started flowing a little more smoothly and when a few years passed I had a program with over 300 residents in it. In the 33 years since I got sober I've been blessed by being able to help many people do the same thing. And I've also had the sad experience of seeing many people leave our program before the miracle happened and end up overdosing or dying of alcoholism.</p><p>I share this with you to let you know that we have choices in our life. And if we take the time to think about what we want to do we might make the right choice.</p><p><a href="mailto:schwary@msn.com">Click here to email John</a></p><div><br /></div>John Schwaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01383277195402889385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4451976645627708763.post-31609474049909498772023-12-23T14:59:00.004-07:002023-12-23T15:02:31.174-07:00First World Problems<p>This has been an interesting year for me, especially this Christmas season. While I had big plans for the end of the year they didn't turn out at all the way I visualized.</p><p>One of my plans was to spend 10 days in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico - from November 27 through December 7 - in a condo by the Marina, relaxing and looking at the sailboats beneath our balcony. I was able to achieve some of that, but then on the fifth day I slipped on a carpet and broke a couple bones in my right foot. So, the next five days I was hobbling around on crutches with my foot encased in a boot.</p><p>And because of the break, my plans to accompany my family to Las Vegas for three days between Christmas and New Years were quashed.</p><p>Like many addicts I find it easy to slip into a bad mood and feel sorry for myself. Because once I visited my doctor here at home he restricted my life even more by telling me to keep my foot elevated for four to six weeks and not do much else. Of course that's not my style because I like to keep moving and taking care of business. The only reason I followed his directions is because I thought I'd make things worse if I did what I wanted.</p><p>As I mused about my situation I began to realize that in relation to many others my life is just fine, Specifically, I thought about the hell that people are going through in the war between Israel and Gaza. In comparison with what the tunnel hostages are going through my problems are zero.</p><p>I think the term "first world problems" is a good description of what we face in our country compared to what many in the so-called third world are forced to live with. In the 32 years of my recovery I've learned to have gratitude for everything in my life, regardless of how difficult I think they are..</p><p>Life depends upon my outlook.</p><p><a href="mailto:schwary@msn.com">Click here to email John</a></p>John Schwaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01383277195402889385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4451976645627708763.post-27957736573556973842023-12-20T14:30:00.000-07:002023-12-20T14:30:01.192-07:00Not Enough Time<p><i><b>"It’s not enough to be busy; so are the ants. The question is: what are we busy about?"</b> </i>Henry David Thoreau</p>Clients – and sometimes friends – sometimes talk to me about not having enough time to do good things for themselves. Things like exercise. Or meditation. Or eating healthy food because it might take a while to prepare.<br /><br />However, I believe that "not having enough time" is simply an excuse we use to avoid change. Or not wanting to admit that we're lazy.<br /><br />When I have these conversations I usually start out with the obvious. How much time do you spend playing video games? Or surfing the internet looking at funny cat videos? On Facebook, chatting with friends? Or simply vegging out in front of the television? Or taking smoke breaks?<br /><br />For example, I have a family member who admits watching four hours of television after he gets home from work. But somehow, he can't find time to get to the gym - even though he says he'd love to work out if he had the time. And I know more than one person in our company who'll play video games well into the night, then show up for work saying he's tired because he didn't get enough sleep.<br /><br />We have choices about what to do with our time. Most of our choices are based on our priorities. If our priorities are to escape the present moment and distract ourselves, we have myriad ways of doing that. Our televisions, our cell phones, our computers, all give us an opportunity to escape into fantasyland and avoid the present. And we somehow delude ourselves that these things are more important than making healthy choices about how we spend our time.<br /><br />The one thing that we cannot replace is time. We either spend it wisely. Or else we fritter it away on useless distractions.<br /><div><br />Am I on my soapbox condemning the use of technology to distract ourselves? No. I sometimes divert myself the same way: surfing the net, watching television, or talking with friends on the phone. But I don't do these things to the point where I don't have time to improve my life.<br /><br />I guess the bottom line is that it's about balance.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="mailto:schwary@msn.com">Click here to email John</a></div>John Schwaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01383277195402889385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4451976645627708763.post-82564384504243035292023-12-17T15:05:00.001-07:002024-01-01T14:09:04.828-07:00Christmas Thoughts<p>For over 29 years Christmas hasn't been one of my favorite holidays. And it's not because I'm some kind of a grinch. Or don't like to see people celebrating the holiday. The reason it's not one of my favorites is because my mother died 29 years ago on Christmas Eve.</p><p>She'd been in the hospital since November 1, 1994, to have a piece of metal removed from her leg that was starting to cause her pain. She had broken it several years earlier and the doctors placed a metal splint on the bone in her leg, along with a few screws, so as to give more support to the spot where the break had occurred. But it had begun to cause her pain and she asked if I thought it was a good idea to have it removed.</p><p>Of course I don't like surgery or hospitals – I know they are necessary for our survival – but I left the decision entirely up to her. Because she was the one who was suffering from pain, not me. Of course, in retrospect I would have told her to not go into the hospital. But the way she explained it to me is that it was a very simple surgery that would be done on an outpatient basis. The metal splint would be removed and she was to return home the same day. But things didn't go quite the way she explained it.</p><p>The doctors decided to keep her in the hospital under observation for a few days because of her reaction to the surgery. They wanted to make sure that she was entirely functional after she left. Anyway, to make a long story short one complication led to another and her condition started to deteriorate. At one point she even developed pneumonia. But after some therapy so she could get used to the new splint that they had put in her leg they made plans to release her on Christmas morning of 1994.</p><p>I'd gotten off work that day and went home to shower and was planning to visit her as I did every day she was in the hospital when a call came from a nurse. She told me my mother had passed away 15 minutes earlier. Of course, I was devastated and went to the hospital full of grief and with tears running down my face.</p><p>It seemed surreal to me, so unbelievable, because I was planning on picking her up the next morning and taking her home. But it didn't happen that way.</p><p>Many people have advised me to get over my grieving and I believe that I did a long time ago. But still, because it happened on Christmas Eve I'm always reminded at this time of year that I lost one of my best friends, someone who supported me through the many years when I was living the life of a drug addict. She didn't support my habit or anything like that. But she did encourage me to get help both when I was in jail and out of jail and it took me a long time to follow her advice.</p><p>One of the things that makes me happy is that she was able to see me sober for three years and working in the recovery field. I think that gave her more joy than anything. And even though I recognize that today, the Christmas holidays are not the best time of year for me.</p><p><a href="mailto:SCHWARTY@MSN.COM"><span></span></a></p><a name='more'></a><a href="mailto:SCHWARTY@MSN.COM"><span><!--more--></span>Click here to email John</a><p></p>John Schwaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01383277195402889385noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4451976645627708763.post-85483977061288916492023-12-14T18:36:00.001-07:002023-12-14T18:36:41.899-07:00About Trauma<p> In our treatment program, we deal with many clients who wrestle with trauma.</p>The number one issue that seems to traumatize clients is if they were abused as children – either physically, emotionally or sexually or a combination of the three.<br /><br />And indeed, these are some of the toughest issues to deal with, especially when a client also has a co-occurring drug issue. It often takes a lot of therapy for people who have many interwoven issues to make changes.<br /><div><br />In my opinion, the best approach is if we are able to help the client see that they should bear no guilt or shame for what others did to them when they were vulnerable and young. But that's easier said than done.</div><div><br />For oftentimes it's a family member who exploits the vulnerable child, leaving the victim with confusing memories of trauma imposed upon them by those who should be protecting them.<br /><br />When a victim is very young it's difficult for them to make sense of a world where those they trust and love and depend on are crossing sacred boundaries. Many times they are unable to understand any part of it and are left in a swirl of shame, pain, and confusion.<br /><br />When a victim carries unresolved and conflicting issues into their teens and early 20s it's no wonder they find drugs and alcohol such a relief. We often hear people say in 12-step meetings that the first time they got drunk or high is the first time that they felt like they belonged to the human race. All of a sudden their pain is abated and they feel a new sense of freedom.<br /><br />So is there an easy or simple way to deal with trauma from our early childhood? The answer is that there is a way to deal with it. But it's probably never going to be painless or simple.</div><div>, <br />The answer is that we ultimately accept and assimilate what has happened. Unless we want to go through life carrying a burden of pain, depression, and sadness, we have to be able to accept the fact that there are many things that happen over which we have no control. We must accept that there are bad people in the world, sometimes even those who are supposed to protect and care for us.</div><div><br />Sometimes it's a tough choice to make: do we reopen old wounds in our quest for peace? Or do we just wait and hope that somehow time will heal us as our trauma disappears in the mists of the past? Whichever path we take, we must realize that our time on this planet is limited and that we want to live happy and free. </div><div><br />Otherwise, we might find ourselves doing a lifelong dance with alcohol, drugs, and therapists in our quest for peace of mind in an effort to mitigate our pain.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="mailto:schwary@msn.com">Click here to email John</a></div><div><br /></div>John Schwaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01383277195402889385noreply@blogger.com0