But the promises are something an addict or alcoholic can be dubious about. And that is understandable. For many of us never knew freedom or happiness during our whole lives. At least for any amount of time.
The idea of having freedom or happiness was a mystery to many of us addicts – including me.
That's why when so-called friends came knocking at my door with a container of either alcohol or drugs I found instant happiness and instant freedom. So much so that I wanted to feel that way the rest of my life. I remember that the first time I tried heroin I made the statement to myself "this is the way I want to feel for the rest of my life."
And I did my very best to live up to that promise. So much so that I spent almost 30 years pursuing that feeling that I first experienced as a teenager. But I was never able to achieve it again. I became a slave to a chemical that almost destroyed me and did kill many of my friends. In pursuit of that promise to myself I spent years living in cages trying to figure out who to blame for my dilemma.
So when I finally did get clean and sober, because I had no other choice other than death or more prison time - I did begin to experience a new freedom and a new happiness. But I was so unacquainted with those emotions that it took me a year to realize why I was beginning to feel different.
What had happened is that the burden of pursuing drugs and alcohol had been lifted from me. I began to work entry-level jobs. And even though I wasn't getting paid much it seemed like I always had a few hundred dollars stashed in the bank. And I think my happiness stemmed not so much from having a few dollars, but from the lifting of the anxiety I experienced when I was addicted. No longer did I have to wonder where I was going to get my next fix or where I was going to steal my next drink. That in itself was a great relief. Indeed, it could be described as freedom and happiness.
As life went on that feeling became part of my daily living. While each day wasn't always a bed of roses I had enough experience with freedom and happiness to understand what was going on with me. And what was going on with me was that I was no longer out of my mind with drugs and alcohol. And I was able to make choices about the direction of my life.
