Reaching Out

A concept of the 12-step programs is that we give it away to keep it. Helping others is a stepping stone to our recovery. And giving it away works as well outside the meeting rooms as it does inside.

Often at TLC we encounter clients who’ve been sober a few months who say they don’t feel like they’re “making progress.” They feel stuck in their programs. The early rush of being clean and sober has somewhat dissipated, the euphoria of the pink cloud has left. 

Our recommendation is that the client gets busy helping others. Some protest that they have nothing to give because they’ve been sober only a few months. They don’t have enough experience or credibility to help another addict or alcoholic. But that’s not so.

In my early recovery I couldn’t relate to those who had several years in the program. Their experiences were good, but I was too new. However, when I met someone who had six months, I found some common ground. Six months seemed like something doable.

If we have a week sober we can reach out to the newcomer who has but a few hours or days. Our short time of being drug or alcohol free says to the newcomer that it’s possible make it – at least a little ways.  A hug, a cigarette, a smile are little things that make them feel welcome.

Reaching out to others shows them they’re not alone on this path to happy destiny.

Click here to email John

The Importance of Regular Attendance at 12-Step Meetings

Regular attendance at 12-step meetings can be a cornerstone of success for those on the journey to recovery. While many factors contribute to maintaining sobriety, these meetings offer a unique blend of support, accountability, and community that is vital for long-term recovery.

First and foremost, 12-step meetings provide a safe space for individuals to share their experiences, struggles, and triumphs. This sharing fosters a sense of connection that can be profoundly healing. Knowing that others have faced similar challenges can alleviate feelings of isolation and shame, which are often triggers for relapse. The encouragement and understanding from peers can remind individuals that they are not alone in their journey.

Accountability is another crucial aspect of regular meeting attendance. When individuals commit to attending meetings, they establish a routine that reinforces their dedication to sobriety. The consistency of these gatherings helps to create a structured environment that encourages self-discipline. Regular check-ins with fellow members can serve as a reminder of personal goals and the importance of staying focused on recovery.

Moreover, 12-step meetings emphasize the importance of service and giving back. By participating in discussions or helping new members, individuals reinforce their own recovery while fostering a sense of purpose. This cycle of giving and receiving support strengthens the recovery community and provides a profound sense of belonging.

Lastly, the principles and steps of the 12-step program offer a framework for personal growth. Engaging regularly with these concepts allows individuals to reflect on their progress and continually work on self-improvement. Each meeting is an opportunity to learn something new, whether it’s a different perspective on a problem or a fresh insight into one’s own behaviors.

In conclusion, regular attendance at 12-step meetings is not just beneficial; it’s essential for many on the path to recovery. By building connections, maintaining accountability, contributing to the community, and embracing personal growth, individuals can create a solid foundation for a clean and sober life.

Click here to email John

Acts of Kindness

Several years back a photo of a police officer giving a pair of shoes to a homeless man in New York City made worldwide news. It was a moving photo, one that resulted in the officer being lauded for his kind behavior.  It was very kind of him to spend his own money on this homeless man. Indeed, his behavior is an example to us all.

But later, after reflecting on this incident and all the publicity it generated, I wondered why this particular act of kindness generated such publicity?  Maybe it was because the giver was a police officer and the recipient was homeless – in a city that supposedly has a reputation for being callous. I'm not sure.

During my 22+ years of recovery I've encountered many generous people who've gone out of their way to help others. Some of this help has been given anonymously. Other times it's been in the public eye. In fact, acts of kindness are so common in this part of the world that they generate little or no attention. We look upon it as near normal.

A while back a man told me of some associates who are remodeling the home of a woman who's about to die of terminal cancer. They've dug into their pockets to build ramps, widen bathroom doors, and do other things to make her last days easier. These folks bring minimal attention to themselves. As I said acts of kindness happen here all the time.

For me the benefit of the publicity about this police officer giving this man shoes is that it brings attention to acts of kindness. 

And it illustrates one of the most important commandments in the Bible: love thy neighbor. We can do more of this - not only during holidays - but year around.

Click here to email John

The Ripple Effect of Living Sober: Transforming Families and Communities

Living sober is a powerful decision that resonates far beyond the individual. When someone embarks on this journey, the impact can be profound, touching the lives of family members and radiating outward to the broader community.

For families, the effects of sobriety can be transformative. Individuals who embrace a sober lifestyle often experience improved emotional and physical health, leading to stronger relationships. Communication typically becomes more open and honest, fostering an environment of trust and support. Sober parents can provide a more stable and nurturing home, creating a positive foundation for their children. Kids benefit from the presence of engaged and attentive parents, which can break cycles of addiction and trauma that may have been passed down through generations.

Moreover, sober living can enhance family dynamics. Family members may notice a reduction in conflict, as the chaos often associated with substance abuse diminishes. This newfound stability allows families to spend quality time together, strengthening bonds and encouraging healthier activities. The positive changes can inspire relatives and friends to reevaluate their own relationships with substances, promoting a ripple effect of sobriety.

On a larger scale, the benefits of living sober extend to communities. Sober individuals are often more engaged citizens, contributing positively to society. They tend to volunteer more, participate in local events, and foster a sense of belonging. As sobriety becomes more prevalent in a community, the collective mindset shifts towards health and wellness, leading to lower crime rates, reduced healthcare costs, and increased economic productivity.

Moreover, the visibility of sober living can help challenge the stigma surrounding addiction, encouraging others to seek help and fostering a culture of support and understanding. This creates a cycle of positivity that uplifts not just individuals, but entire communities.

In conclusion, living sober is not just a personal triumph; it is a catalyst for change that nurtures families and enriches communities. By embracing sobriety, we contribute to a healthier, more connected world—one where support, love, and resilience flourish.

Click here to email John

The Hedonic Treadmill

One of the characteristic beliefs of many addicts - and non-addicts - is that money will bring them success and happiness.  Not so.  

Now there's little doubt that money will bring us a degree of pleasure, at least on a temporary basis.  But when we tire of that pleasure, we think that maybe a little more will make our lives wonderful.  So, we work to get a bigger house.  A nicer car.  A better wardrobe.  More jewelry.  And stuff that we think will fulfill our lives.

In psychology it is often described as the "hedonic treadmill."  I run and run harder and faster to accumulate more stuff.  Then I'll be happy.  But sooner or later we find that more stuff is not the key to happiness.  Many wear themselves out on the treadmill, and soon realize that there are other ways to happiness aside from accumulating stuff that only brings pleasure for while.

Those who get off that path may decide to improve their lives by going to school.  Learning to play a musical instrument.  Joining a church. Volunteering at a senior center, or becoming active in sponsoring others in recovery.

When we devote ourselves to learning a new skill or to helping others improve their lives then we find true happiness.

I once thought the same way:  that a lot of material things would make me happy.  But once I got those things they didn't give me what I wanted.   

So I devoted my life to helping others change for the better and achieve their goals in life.  That's what brought me the happiness that I have today.

Click here to email John

How Alcoholics Anonymous Improves Lives

Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) has been a beacon of hope for millions of people struggling with alcohol addiction since its founding in 1935. Through its unique approach, AA provides a supportive, non-judgmental environment where individuals can work towards recovery at their own pace. It’s not just a place to stop drinking, but a space where lives are transformed and restored in deeply meaningful ways.

One of the key reasons AA is so effective is the sense of community it fosters. Addiction can be an isolating experience, leading individuals to feel alone and misunderstood. AA combats this by creating a safe space where members share their stories and challenges, offering encouragement and empathy. This shared experience helps reduce the shame and guilt that often accompany addiction, showing members that they are not alone in their struggle. The power of this fellowship cannot be overstated, as human connection is a vital part of healing.

Central to the AA philosophy is the Twelve Steps, a structured program designed to guide individuals through the process of self-reflection, accountability, and personal growth. These steps encourage members to acknowledge their addiction, make amends for past mistakes, and develop a new, healthier lifestyle. This process promotes self-awareness and accountability, essential ingredients for lasting recovery. Members are encouraged to take ownership of their actions while also letting go of the burdens they cannot control, helping them find inner peace and purpose beyond their addiction.

In addition to the emotional and psychological benefits, AA offers practical support for those in recovery. Regular meetings provide a consistent structure, helping individuals replace unhealthy habits with positive routines. Members are also paired with sponsors—more experienced members who provide one-on-one guidance and support. This mentor-like relationship is invaluable, as it helps individuals navigate challenges that may arise, from cravings to social pressures, with the wisdom of someone who has been there.

AA’s impact goes beyond the individual member—it also improves relationships and communities. As individuals gain control over their addiction, they often repair broken relationships with loved ones and contribute more positively to society. Families are reunited, trust is rebuilt, and personal achievements long overshadowed by addiction are rediscovered.

In conclusion, Alcoholics Anonymous does much more than help people stop drinking; it offers a comprehensive approach to recovery that fosters personal growth, strengthens relationships, and restores a sense of community. For many, AA is not just a lifeline, but a path to a brighter, more fulfilling future.

Click here to email John

Gratitude is Real

Yesterday I ran into one of our longtime employees on the sidewalk in front of my office.

"How are you doing?" I asked him.

"My life couldn't be better," he told me, as he gave me a hug.

Then he proceeded to tell me how grateful he is for the way he lives today. He said he has a wife who loves him, a young son who greets him every day at the front door with a big hug when he gets home from work, and he's moving into a better home in a nicer neighborhood.

Then he went on to explain how he'd have nothing in his life today if he hadn't stopped using drugs after he got out of prison several years ago. He gives the credit to TLC and the circle of friends who have supported him in his sobriety.

And this man's attitude is not unique. Another gentleman I work with on a daily basis rarely lets the week go by without reminding me of how grateful he is. He says that when he turns the key in his front door after work each day he has a sense of gratitude for having a place to live and work. He remembers that six years ago he was homeless and in the grips of a serious drug and alcohol addiction. He makes it a point to express his gratitude for the way he lives today. And it shows up in his demeanor and the way he carries himself around our corporate office.

It's rewarding to talk to either one of these gentlemen because I always walk away feeling good about life. Their gratitude is contagious and they lift up those who come into contact with them.

Gratitude is a topic that often comes up in 12 step meetings. So much so that it's almost a cliché topic. Yet, more than probably any other characteristic an alcoholic or addict can have, gratitude is the fuel that keeps a person clean and sober.

I've never heard anyone say that they were so grateful that they felt like getting drunk or high. Instead, I hear just the reverse. What I hear them say is, "I lost my gratitude for what I had. I quit going to meetings. I quit talking to my sponsor. The next thing I knew I was drunk and homeless and had lost everything."

Click here to email John