We're wired Backwards

 A call came to me a while back about a young client who wanted to leave the treatment program.

It seems that - all of a sudden - he needs to work. He owes his family. Has a pregnant girlfriend. He's bored. Needs to stay busier. The list goes on and on.

But the problem with this thinking is that when you run this idea by the normal square citizen they say "yes." A man does need to work. After all our country was built on hard work. Everyone respects a man who's willing to work. What could possibly be wrong with that?

What's wrong is that is this man's issue is not working or finding a job. When he's not stoned out of his mind he works just fine. When he's not drunk he does great on the job. His issue is that he can't stay sober long enough to keep a job or know what to do with the money when he does get paid. Like many of our newly arrived clients he’s wired backwards.  I told him the same thing I tell all of our clients. His major issue is staying clean and sober. Once he gets that part straight, then everything else falls in place.

Once a client’s sober for a few months it's amazing how life changes. They've saved some money. Bills are paid. Creditors back off.  It's surprising how money accumulates when it's not being taken to the dope man or to the liquor store. 

Hopefully, this young client will stick around long enough to see the miracles happen. Good things flow from a foundation of positive recovery.  Blessings show up: Jobs. Better relationships. Improved health. Self-esteem.  It only takes patience.

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Resolutions

So here we are once more on the cusp of a new year. And it seems like 2024 just kicked off yesterday,

I've never made New Year's resolutions. I'm not sure why I don't engage in that tradition. But when I got sober I made one big resolution: to live the best lifestyle I could. And I knew that I didn't have to wait till the beginning of the year to kick it off.

When I got sober almost 34 years ago I made a resolution to live the best life I could. And for me, the best life I could live is one where I was fit and healthy in all ways. Emotionally. Physically. Financially. Spiritually.

So I did things to maintain my sobriety and recovery by going to twelve-step meetings. After I had a year sober I started a side business running a recovery program while working a 9-to-5 job. However, circumstances changed and I ended up having to leave my 9-to-5 job to run the recovery program full-time because it grew so rapidly it required my full-time attention.

But I did more than just go to meetings and build a business. I began reading one to two books a month. I got involved in weightlifting and playing racquetball at the YMCA. I also took a course in transcendental meditation, a practice I did for about 15 years until I switched over to mindfulness meditation. Meditation was a practice that was so good for me that I eventually obtained a certificate as a meditation instructor.

The picture I'm trying to paint here is one of being involved in constant improvement. I guess it's all right to set goals or make New Year's resolutions. However, that hasn't been my best way to get things done. I believe that we improve our lives by getting involved in something that we can do one day at a time, bit by bit, inching along with progress and not necessarily hurrying toward a goal where we stop moving when we reach our destination. I believe that a well-lived life is one where we can continue to grow, where we can be a benefit to the community and give others the opportunity to improve their lives.

I'm not saying don't make a resolution because you're not going to listen anyway. For if you're an addict like I am, you'll learn your own lessons as you try different things. But for your sake and the sake of society do something positive – no matter what it is – because whatever you do positive will contribute to us living in a better world.

When we're out there living positive lives other addicts and alcoholics might notice us and want to follow our example. What better gift could you give the world?

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The ugliness of Greed

The other day, a friend was in a home store and overheard a mother and daughter arguing loudly. In fact, they were so loud that he couldn't help but overhear what they were arguing about.

"How dare you!" shouted the daughter in the mother's face, "spend my inheritance money on a roof for your house?"

And the argument escalated from there and continued until the pair walked out of the store together. The mother had tears running down her face as they disappeared from sight.

Too often, I see grown children who somehow have gotten the idea that their parents' money belongs to them—even before they're cold in the ground.

I'm not quite sure where children get these ideas but I know mine are going to be disappointed when I go if they have the same expectations as this woman's daughter. I have a trust set up that will distribute what remains when I die, what remains when I leave this planet.

Greed is a terrible thing - and unfortunately, it runs in many families.

Be Here Now

Many of us live our lives going somewhere else, rather than being right here, right now.

We're going to be happy once we get out of school. We might envision having a wonderful career that will bring us personal satisfaction and the material things we long for.

Or we think that if we just have the right spouse we'll be happier. We'll no longer be lonely and we'll have companionship.

We might dream of owning a new automobile or home or taking a great vacation. These things take us out of the moment and into a fantasy landscape where we'll find joy and happiness.

Yet, as many of you know, the things I mentioned above might bring us temporary satisfaction. But in the long term, we get used to these things and they no longer fulfill us. And so off we go, looking for something else to fill that emptiness inside of us.

The reality is that we're not going to find happiness somewhere else or in something else. Yes, we might find a fleeting pleasure or a temporary joy in our acquisitions. But in the end, they usually let us down, not quite living up to our dreams.

Real happiness comes from living in the moment, living in the now. Being grateful for our health.  Enjoying the beauty of the world around us.  From realizing that the world isn't all about us and our egocentric dreams.

click here to email John

Click here to email John

Sobriety Reflections

The 14th of January I'll celebrate 34 years of recovery. God willing.

This came up for me because I was reflecting about what I was doing during the holiday season 34 years ago.

At that time I was supporting an addiction to heroin and alcohol. And I wasn't doing it by working. Or from the proceeds of a trust fund.

Each miserable day I'd drive around in a Mustang I'd stolen a few weeks earlier. My first goal would be to find alcohol. Wine was fine. Beer would do. But anything with alcohol in it was okay. Whatever I could shoplift was what I drank.

The alcohol took the edge off, gave me courage. Once I had some false courage I'd move on to steal something larger. Something that would allow me to buy heroin - my drug of choice.

I didn't care what it was. As long as I thought I could get it in the car and find a place to sell it, I'd take it. New clothes. Tools. Televisions. Computers. Cigarettes. Generators. Cameras. I looked for anything I could sell right away.

But something happened to me around that time. I don't know if it was a moment of clarity. A spiritual awakening. Or what it was. Maybe I was just tired.

But I somehow came to the realization that if I kept doing what I was doing I would be back in prison. I wasn't having fun. I was demoralized and depressed. My life had no purpose or meaning. And that's a horrible place to be - living a life without meaning.

Within a few weeks I found my way to detox. Then after that to a halfway house that accepted me without money.

And that put me on the path to the blessings I have in my life today.

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TLC Guarantees Recovery

It might sound brash or arrogant, but TLC guarantees 100% that you can get sober in our program. That is, if you do exactly what we ask you to do.

Never again will you cause yourself to be homeless. Never again will you end up in prison because you committed a crime to support your drug habit.  You will no longer lose your wife and children because you drink or use other substances.  You will enjoy a new life that you never imagined.

But the key to what I've promised here is the part that reads "...if you do exactly what we ask you to do..."  If you have the ability and self-discipline to follow a few simple rules you'll be able to live a clean and sober life.

Most of us have heard someone trying to explain why they relapsed.  And it's never about anything they did.  It was always their stupid boss, their mean girlfriend, the economy, etc.  It was never their fault that they picked up a bag of dope or a bottle from the liquor store.  They just couldn't help themselves.

But here at TLC we expose clients to the tools they need to change their lives. We have them go to 12-step meetings for ninety days.  We teach them anger management.  We offer them intensive outpatient treatment for 90 days and longer. 

We allow them to work outside the program after they're with us a while.  If they can't find employment on their own we find them jobs through our Labor Group.  Or we offer them employment working at TLC in various positions.

In other words, if a client relapses it's not because he doesn't have the tools. Because we taught him how to stay sober through our various programs.  He/she relapsed because they didn't use what they were taught during their time with us.

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Gratitude is the Fuel

 I was at a twelve-step meeting the other day where the topic was gratitude.

Now gratitude is brought up frequently at 12 step meetings, and anywhere recovering people gather. After all, gratitude is the fuel that drives recovery and when we lose it our recovery might go along with it.

But at this meeting, one person who shared had a different perspective on gratitude.

It was an older gentleman and he said we not only should be grateful for the good things in our life but that we should be grateful for everything in our life. Because he added, if we're only grateful when life's good then we're going to have a lot of time where we won't have any gratitude.

After all, he said, he never experienced much growth when things were wonderful. It was only when he had challenges – whether financial, physical health, relationships or whatever – and met the obstacles and moved on that he experienced growth. And once he went through some of these tough times he realized he had more ability and strength than he knew he had. And therefore he kept growing and was able to take on bigger and bigger challenges.

As I reflected upon what he was saying, I recall many articles that I've read where people talked about overcoming the challenges in their lives. They usually say that once they got on the other side of whatever they were facing they were bigger and better human beings because they survived the experience.

I left the meeting realizing that gratitude is something that I should apply to whatever I'm facing because the experience is an opportunity for growth.

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