Acceptance: the Guiding Light

In our journey of addiction recovery, acceptance emerges as a guiding light, illuminating the path towards healing and redemption. Within the framework of the 12-step program, acceptance is not merely a passive acknowledgment of one's circumstances; it is an active embrace of reality, a surrender to the truths that pave the way to liberation from the chains of addiction.

At its core, addiction thrives in denial, weaving a tapestry of self-delusion that blinds us to the gravity of our condition. However, the first step towards recovery necessitates the courageous act of acceptance—acknowledging our powerlessness over alcohol or drugs and the unmanageability of life.

This pivotal moment marks the genesis of transformation, laying the foundation for profound change. In the crucible of acceptance, we addicts and alcoholics shed the armor of denial, confronting the wreckage of our past and the chaos of our present with unwavering honesty. It is an act of radical self-love, embracing our flaws and vulnerabilities without judgment or condemnation. Through acceptance, we unearth the buried pain and trauma that fuel our addictive behaviors, illuminating the path to healing and reconciliation.

Furthermore, acceptance fosters humility—an essential virtue in the journey of recovery. By relinquishing the illusion of control, we open ourselves to the wisdom and guidance of a higher power, embarking on a spiritual odyssey towards wholeness and serenity. This surrender is not an admission of defeat but a declaration of faith—a profound affirmation of the transformative power of grace and redemption.

Moreover, acceptance cultivates resilience, empowering us to navigate the ebb and flow of cravings, triggers, and setbacks with equanimity and grace. Rather than resisting or suppressing our emotions, we learn to embrace them with compassionate awareness, finding solace in the realization that discomfort is but a temporary bump on the road to recovery.

In conclusion, acceptance serves as a cornerstone of 12-step recovery, illuminating the path from darkness to light, from bondage to freedom. It is a sacred journey of self-discovery and redemption—a testament to the indomitable human spirit and the transformative power of grace. As we addicts and alcoholics embrace acceptance, we embark on a pilgrimage of healing, reclaiming our lives with courage, humility, and grace.

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Responsibility

I was at a 12-step meeting last Sunday where the topic was responsibility.  And it was the perfect subject.

Because before I entered the program I had no sense of responsibility for my addiction to alcohol and drugs.  It was so easy for me to blame everything and everyone outside of myself.  I was always feeling sorry for poor me.  

If people just understood what I'd been through as a child and a teenager they'd understand why I drank and drugged myself into oblivion on a daily basis.  My mission in life was to stay completely out of my mind and I successfully did that for around 40 years.

I first began to slowly change my thinking when people stopped having anything to do with me.  My family. My friends. Everyone, No one - including myself - understood why my life was on such a downward spiral.

But the one thing that finally changed me was the pain I was living with.  I couldn't get drunk or high enough for it to go away. During my addiction I lost everything over and over.  Marriages. Businesses. Cars. Jobs. My health. The list went on and on. And every time something bad happened it was another reason for me to pick up a drug or a bottle.

But things changed the day I accepted responsibility for what I was doing to myself.  I spent a few hours one day in 1991 and asked myself did I want to live or die.  I chose to live and went to a detox.  After that I went to a halfway house where I spent a year working on myself.

And I look back today at the moment I decided to change, and realize that was when I accepted responsibility. Today I live a blessed life and it all happened when I made that decision 33 years ago and became responsible for my behavior.

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Why get Sober?

 In the 32 years  of TLC's existence literally thousands of clients have passed through our doors.  When they first arrive most of them are enthusiastic about changing ;their lives.  

And while some are brought to us by parole or probation officers - or family members - most of them come of their own volition. They're tired of battling their disease.  Tired of waking up sick and needing a drink or a fix. Tired of being shunned by their loved ones. So they come to us for help because we let them in, even if they're broke and without resources, and we provide food. housing and even medical assistance in many cases. Yet even with all of this support, about half of them leave within a week without paying us a dime.  So that tells us they just aren't ready, they still think they can successfully use their drug of choice.

It's sad to see them leave without taking a chance on a better life. They throw away an opportunity to restore their relationships, their health, their dignity, and self-respect.  And I wonder for a moment why they don't use logic and common sense and take advantage of the opportunity they've been given.

But then I stop and think of my own battles with drugs and alcohol and I had no logic or common sense about any of it.  I was the complete hedonist.  And I only changed when life became too painful.

So all I can do is stay sober and hope that they reach level of pain that drives them to the doors of recovery - either at our program or some other.  We only can know the blessings of recovery by being totally immersed in it.

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Acceptance?

 "And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today..."  Big Book

Probably the word acceptance is one that we hear most often in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous.  Although one might argue that gratitude's right up there with it.

Whatever the case, acceptance has an important place in the lives of those of us in recovery and especially for me.

Because until I accept what's going on in my life, whatever challenges I'm facing, there's not really a path to a solution.  But bingo, as soon as I accept whatever it is that I'm facing then I can set about resolving it.

My DNA tells me to fight and resist everything until I get my way.  But that old thinking pattern is what used to get me into a lot of trouble.  It took me many years and lots of internal battles before I realized that most of the things I used to think were important weren't such big deals after all.

And as soon as I changed my thinking, my life became much easier and less stressful.  In fact, these days, it's pretty easy for me to analyze whatever I'm facing and decide whether it's worth fighting about in short order.  Once I cross the bridge into acceptance, then potential solutions begin presenting themselves.  Sometimes the answers come to me while I'm sleeping or just daydreaming and not even looking for a solution.

For me, there's almost something magical about acceptance because it's the quickest shortcut to serenity.

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A reason for Gratitude

 Being grateful that I live in a secure and safe country is on my gratitude list today.

At times like these, when our country is on the brink of another war in the Middle East, I am grateful that I live in a country that is secure and has the power to defend itself.

No matter the political persuasion one follows, at times like this I believe we should rally behind our political leaders and give our military our support. This is no time for us to get involved in partisan bickering.

Governing a country of any size is an overwhelming responsibility. Since this thing with Iran and Israel started I've talked with many who say that we should do this or that and get it over with. Like we should leave let Israel fend for itself. Or we should bomb Iran. But people who talk like this don't understand the immense damage that can be done in a war, of the lives that can be destroyed on both sides when people are going at each other with weapons.

I am by no means a liberal. I believe that everybody should earn their own way and be responsible for themselves. I believe we have a right to bear arms. I believe we have a right to earn as much money as we have the ability to earn. To practice the religion of our choice. I believe we should help the sick. The elderly. The mentally ill. But I don't believe the government should get into our lives and tell us how to live or spend our money or what to believe.

So when I think of what I'm grateful for one of the things that's in the top 10 for me is the fact that I'm an American.

And even though our country is not perfect, I believe that it compares favorably with most of the more advanced countries in the world. And for that I have gratitude.

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What we Do

 A while back I received an email from a client who was here 15 years ago, maybe longer.

I was surprised to hear from him and happy to find that he was doing well.

He wrote to tell me that he had retired from his job with the State of Arizona, probably the one that he went to when he left TLC many years ago.

Actually I was sorry to see him go. He was one of those guys who maintained himself. Kind of like someone who worked for a large corporation. Always well-dressed, neat and clean. Serious about his recovery,

In any event, he wrote to say how he was was grateful for the time he spent with TLC. He said the experience changed his life. He'd been sober for many years. Had a nice home in Scottsdale, good relationships, and was thoroughly enjoying a sober life.

While his email gave us a lot of credit for his recovery, reality is that he did all the work himself. We get letters all the time from people who give us credit for their recovery. But the reality is that all TLC provides is a framework for people to work on sobriety, healthy living habits, and a different outlook on life. If they are motivated we 100% guarantee them that they will stay sober for life. While that may seem to be a brash statement, those who stay sober and follow our guidelines always succeed because we give good them continual good information about recovery.

In any event, it's nice when you return home and hear that the good you did 15 years ago is still bearing fruit today. His message shows that the program works if we're willing to put in the effort.

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Promise Four

"We will know peace" Promise Four from the big book.

Before we escaped the bonds of alcohol and other substances how many of us truly knew what peace meant?

When we were out there drinking and doing our thing peace was the last thing we expected to encounter. Most of us awoke in the morning and confronted the problem of dealing with our addiction. And that challenge was way on the other end of the spectrum from peace. Until we could get enough of our favorite substance in our system, life was a series of challenges. Going through hell to get the right chemical balance so we could make it through the rest of our day. In fact our lives were so chaotic, that if something like peace did show up we would wonder what was wrong. Was the world coming to an end?

As you will note, Promise Four says "we will know peace." It did not promise that we will have peace. It simply states that we will "know" peace.

I believe that this promise means something more in the nature that we will know peace from time to time. And after years of recovery peace will become more of a way of life as time progresses.

I know that as time goes on, and as I arrive at my 26th year of sobriety in January, peace is with me more often than not. And I believe that the further we go along in sobriety the more often we will experience peace or live in a state of peace. We finally realize that the best place in life we can be is in a state of acceptance. Which in my opinion, is where we find peace.

We come to realize that there are not too many big deals in life. And that if we calmly accept whatever challenges we face we will enter a state of peace.

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In ICU

This evening a long-time TLC resident is in a local hospital fighting for his life.  He's connected to a respirator and being fed through tubes.  Reports from a family member are that if he does survive the massive stroke he suffered yesterday morning he'll likely be bedridden for life.  He can't talk.  One side of his body is  paralyzed and he's totally dependent upon the medical staff.

I'm leaving his name out of this blog to protect his anonymity.  But those of us who've known him for  the past 17 years he's been with us are praying that he's not in pain and that he has a full recovery - though the medical staff is not very optimistic about his prospects for recovery.

He's one of many TLC clients who've made TLC their home.  When he came here he found a sanctuary where he could stay sober and practice his recovery with like-minded people.  He's worked around addicts for 17 years and has the support of those of us who want a life of sobriety.

He's been an example for those of us who want to stay sober

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Share the Light

"Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened.  Happiness never decreases by being shared.”  Buddha

The above quote reminds us to carry the message to others - to share the joy of recovery with newcomers who need our help.

Most of you with time in recovery do exactly this. But many in early recovery may think that because they have only a week or two they have nothing to offer. But that’s a fallacy.

If one has only a week, that’s seven times as long as someone just walking in the door, confused and lost. Our duty is share our light with them. Tell them it can be done.

Often newcomers see members who have the wisdom of thousands of days of sobriety and are intimidated by such success. They can’t relate.

In my own case I had just entered detox and heard a speaker who had ten years. Somehow I couldn’t connect. But later a rough character – with only six months – served as an example I could follow.

Never think you have nothing to offer. Your days, weeks, or months of experience will resonate with a newcomer who needs someone to lead them on the path.

Light their candle

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R.I.P.

Alcohol finally killed him in his late 40s.  For ten years this friend of my family had drank alcoholically.  And hundreds of times friends and family warned him that his addiction would take his life if he didn't cease the habit.  And he had good evidence that addiction kills; his sister had died of her addiction a few years ago.

This man's story isn't unique.  All of us who are sober today were warned more than once about our self-destructive lifestyles.  But, until things got really bad many of us hesitated to take the leap into recovery.

I was arrested and jailed many times for drug-related crimes but, didn't seek recovery during almost 40 years of addiction and pain.  One day I listened to other people and decided to change my life.  I knew that nothing would be different unless I walked the path of recovery.

A sad thing about this man's untimely death is that he leaves behind a circle of family and friends who loved him - including two young children.

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Perfect World

How do we deal with life in an imperfect world?  When our clients don't pay their bills on time?  When the staff  gets stressed because they know we're in a dire situation?  I'm not sure of the correct answer but I do know that I've sat in a lot of 12-step meetings and counseling sessions that taught me to live life one day at a time.

Do I like the idea that we need to live one day at a time?  Not really.  And that's because I'm a self-centered addict who wants everything how and when he wants it.  But in 33 years of sobriety I've learned that things don't always go the way I want them to go.  But I've also learned that I'm powerless over most things outside myself - so I trust the universe to provide a solution to whatever dilemma I find myself in.  And you know if I just have patience and faith in the process life works out for the best.

And that's what I'm doing today.  Trusting in my higher power and living one day at a time is my solution.

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Still the Same

I seem to have the ability to get into relations with volatile women who have issues with anger and control.  In fact, that seems to be the case nearly every time I find myself in a relationship that ends suddenly over something seemingly minor.  And it happened to me again this past week.

The woman I was with has always feared and hated two of my daughters.  And hated them to the point that she once ended up in jail and on probation for threatening one of them with a butcher knife.  Her excuse to me was that my daughter had always been threatening her - practically since our first date.  And while I may not be the brightest bulb in the box - plus I wear trifocals - I never witnessed one threat over a ten year period.

But the reality - in my opinion - is that people who attribute emotions to to others where they don't exist have serious emotional issues that they themselves can't control.  And I think that's the situation in this case.

The sad part about this situation is that this woman has several college degrees, is extremely attractive and has everything it takes to succeed in life.  The question is will she ever be able to fix herself?

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Gratitude

Gratitude is one of the pillars of an enjoyable life.  Being ungrateful breeds unhappiness.  And having worked with recovering addicts and alcoholics for 33 years I believe that being ungrateful for what we have now opens the door to addiction to substances.

Many clients think that life would be perfect if they just had enough money, cars, girlfriends, vacations, or houses.  In other words - more stuff.  So, enough stuff would make me feel good.  But when they get enough stuff they learn than "enough" is a relative term.  As soon as we get a dose of what we want we find that it also is another empty fantasy.

If you say that you have nothing to be grateful for then you don't watch the news or follow the stories on the internet about what's going on in the world.  Wars in multiple countries.  Cannibalism in Haiti.  Thousands of homeless living on the streets of our largest cities.  My point is that we simply have to look around us and find many reasons for gratitude.

Look around and see that you have much more than most others:  that's gratitude.

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Back at AA

I finally did something I haven't done since I joined the program 33 years ago;  I went for weeks        without attending a meeting.  And why would I give up the lifeline that rescued me from the very misery that nearly destroyed my life?  

Simple.  I'd had an accident while working out and fractured my right foot  - causing the doctor to fit me with at boot that confined my to my home since the first week of December.  While that doesn't seem like very long, maybe you should give it a try sometime.  At first I didn't think it would be a big deal.  Plenty of time to catch up on my reading.  Lots of time to binge watch movies.  Plenty of time to hang out on the web.

But let me tell you something; when you're a physically active person just hanging around the house gets boring real fast. While I  got a lot of support from AA friends and my sponsor  there's nothing like spending time at meetings fellow - shipping with those I got sober with.

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Enjoying Work

I finally spent a full day at work after having been under medical care for nearly four months. The broken foot I suffered December third had prevented me from getting to my upstairs office. My doctor made me wear a boot that prevented me from going to the second floor of the non-profit where I work - one that that doesn't have funds for elevators,

We finally got around the problem by moving my office downstairs until my foot completely heals.  And what a joy it was too get back!  Not that we got any work done, but did some catching up on business.

During my time away I found myself falling into bouts of depression.  While we were able to work remotely, there's nothing like working alongside my companions in recovery.

That's why I don't look at the work I do as a job.  Instead, I look at it as an avocation that helps me and others help people on the path of recovery.  Totally immerse yourself in your work, in your mission, and you'll never work a day in  your life.

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Patience a Virtue?

When I broke my right foot during the first six days of my vacation to Mexico last December 3, I decided I'd try to look at the positive side of the situation.  After all, I'd have plenty of time to catch up on several audio books I'd been meaning to finish.  Movies I'd been wanting to catch up on  Puzzles I'd been wanting to been wanting to unravel,  However, it didn't work out that way.

Why didn't things go as I'd envisioned?  One of the the things I didn't factor in was doctors'  appointments.  Nor did I consider that I might get sick from something else.  Which I did; three weeks after I broke my foot, I spent six days in the hospital with a urinary tract infection.  And after being released from the hospital I came down with a 10 day case of the flu.  And a week after that I had a pacemaker implanted into my heart.  It seemed to go on and on.  I was starting to lose patience with everything and everyone - even though people were going out of their way to be helpful and pleasant to make my life easy as possible.  It seemed the more patience I tried to practice the more I needed,

Was this a test from the Universe?  Am I that important?  I don't think so.  I think - as I often say here is that life just happens.  And we must accept it as it comes,  And  now that's what I'm trying to do.

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Helping Newcomers

Many addicts  come into recovery and gravitate toward helping other addicts begin the walk toward recovery.  Some of them become very enthusiastic about becoming a mentor, or counselor or someone others can lean when times are emotionally challenging.

I used to discourage this behaviour at first.  I asked what does a newcomer know about recovery?  What kind of wisdom does he/she have to impart?  Maybe some drama.  But something of real value? something with a valuable lesson?  Probably not.  But then I changed my mind.

I changed it because I realized that sometimes raw experience is the best kind of  knowledge.  If I can tell you of a first hand experience it might have some real value in your life.  Vicarious  experience - the experience we learn from others- that's the kind of knowledge that's valuable because someone's experienced it first hand.  

And what could be more real than that?

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Helping the Homeless

 Out of the 800+ clients that we have at TLC, probably 90% of them have been homeless at one time or other.  When drugs and alcohol are your priority a person doesn't have money for housing and food and the privilege of living indoors.

I bring this up today because once a month TLC has a business meeting. And today, after our meeting, the entire group, made up of about 35 staff members and managers, got into their vehicles and delivered food and bottles of water to the homeless.  Part of this was a way of giving back to others who were in the same situation we were in at one time, and the other part was to give those people an opportunity to come to TLC where  they would have the opportunity to change their lives.

All in all it was a very successful run and everywhere we stopped we passed out bags of food and water and it disappeared within minutes.

On the way home, those in our truck discussed what a lesson in gratitude it was to be able to do what we did. So many people – not just us addicts and alcoholics – take for granted the many blessings we have in our life. We all take for granted the idea that we have food to eat each day. That we have cold water.  A job to go to.  A place to take a shower and wash our clothes – the basic necessities of life.  But the people we saw today were so grateful for the tidbits that we handed them that it was almost overwhelming.

I'm not writing this to advocate that being homeless is a good thing, because it's not.  A lot of political people and others get into debates about why people are homeless, or why we should help the homeless, or that the homeless are lazy, or that they are drug addicts. I only write this to say that we should have enough compassion for our fellow human beings to help them on whatever level we can. None of us know the stories of how these people ended up homeless.  It may be true that they are drug addicts.  It may be true that they are lazy.  Perhaps they have mental issues.   Who knows?

But the bottom line is, the core of the issue is, that if people's lives are bad enough that they have to live outdoors and struggle for the basic necessities of life then they need our help. And once they get that help we can later sort out positive ways to help them change their lives permanently. Whether that help comes in the form of providing housing, jobs, education, healthcare, or whatever else they need.

Probably none of these people we saw today woke up one morning and said, "Gee, I think it would be a great idea to become homeless." Within each one of them is probably a long twisted story of how they ended up on the streets. But judging them, condemning them, or looking down upon them, is definitely not going to make their life any better. There are groups out there helping the homeless and doing it somewhat effectively.  But much more needs to be done to really make a dent in the problem.

It's so heartbreaking to see our fellow human beings suffering – no matter who caused the suffering or how they ended up on the streets.

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Our Choice

When we bring our child home from the hospital it is with joy and gladness in our hearts.

Doe's he look more like me? His dad? His grandfather? We watch every move. to make sure he's covered. Take lots of pictures. We make sure that he keeps his medical appointments. And we're happy when the doctor says our baby is in perfect health.

But the doctor can't see into future. Nor can we. None us were able to see years ahead when this aberration pops up. This disease that takes control of his life - seemingly overnight.

One moment he's like any other kid. Getting decent grades. Playing sports. Chasing girls. The next his grades are falling. The police bring him home one night. He lies about the black eye he got because he didn't pay the connection for the oxies he got on credit.

Then we go into the next phase. We blame ourselves for this change in behavior. We didn't do enough, maybe? Or too much. We did our best? Or did we? Maybe we should have taken him to church, Or moved to another neighborhood.

The guilt and shame and puzzlement piles up. What to do? We've gone through money getting him to treatment and to shrinks. Nothing has helped.

Our health and finances are failing. Yet we still don't have answers. And we don't stop to think about the obvious one: that maybe his addiction is his choice. His fault. After all, we're not Gods. We're only parents. And the inexplicable happens to everyone. Good people and bad people all get ground up equally beneath the wheels of chance.

What to do? We can pray. We can put him on the streets where the rest of the addicts end up. Or we can live in self-condemnation and guilt while still supporting him.

But we must remember that we also have a life to live. And we need to make our choices: guilt and shame about something we can't control - or happiness that we still make choices that are in our own benefit.

It's our choice.

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Forgiving the Mansons

Deborah Tate, the sister of Manson family victim Sharon Tate, told People magazine that she said a prayer for Manson's soul when she heard he'd died in a Bakersfield hospital. She'd previously said that she would pray for Manson and his followers upon their deaths.

Deborah told NBC4 that while she forgives the Manson Family, what they did will remain with her forever. And even though she's forgiven them, she's played an active role in objecting to the release of any of them in front of the California parole board. But forgiveness is one thing, and protecting the public from further harm is another. Which is why she objects to the parole of any of them because she thinks they're still dangerous.

“I’ve forgiven them, but that doesn't mean I’ve forgotten what they did,” she said. “I'll never forget.”

This woman is a good example of forgiveness and of praying for those who harm us. Whether knowingly or unknowingly, she's practicing one of the concepts taught in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous on page 552. And that is learning how praying for two weeks for someone we resent can help us get over that resentment.

In commenting on her forgiveness, I have to admit that even after being sober for over 26 years, I'm not sure I'm as big as she is in that regard. Though I would like to be.

The idea of spending much of our lives being angry at someone or hating someone – no matter what they did – is harmful to our health and sanity. That's why forgiveness makes sense.

It's not about them, it's about us - and our freedom.

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Success at Last

The e-mail surprised me. It was from a former client that many of us didn't expect to see again. When he left us in mid-2007, he had relapsed and some of us didn't think he would survive.

It is not unusual for clients to leave because they have relapsed – and many of them return to try again. But this man's situation was unique. He had lost his kidneys a few years before entering our program. He had previously received a transplant which didn't work. He received dialysis a few times a week during his time at TLC. He struggled with his health and fought the doctor's instructions that he shouldn't drink sodas. To many of us, the idea that someone without kidneys would start using again demonstrated for us the power of our disease.

His e-mail said he had been sober for three years, was in town on vacation, and would like to drop by the office. It was a good visit and he told how his life is going. He lives in another state with his fiancee and will soon graduate from nursing school. He goes to dialysis a few times a week and is on a transplant waiting list for a new kidney.

I asked how he had finally changed and was able to remain sober for over three years. He explained that he started accepting his situation and that made all the difference. He said that once he got into acceptance his life began to change. He accepts the hours-long drudgery of being hooked to a machine. Sometimes he reads, sometimes he studies, sometimes he naps. His life has been working and he is enjoying his sobriety.

It says on page 417 in the literature that “acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.”

It seems like this former client has successfully incorporated the concept into his life.

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Anxiety

A while back I dealt with a client who had a severe case of anxiety. He had trouble sleeping. He had trouble relaxing. He spent a great deal of time looking into the future, or dwelling in the past.

And like many of the addicts in our program he had the perfect solution for his anxiety: he would bury it with drugs or alcohol until he passed out. The only problem is that he had to wake up the next day and start all over again. This regimen didn't work out very well for him because eventually he lost his job, his marriage, his automobile, and the home that he lived in for seven years.

As I got better acquainted with him I learned that he had been treated poorly as a child. But instead of blaming those who mistreated him, he blamed himself for the bad things that happened to him. And of course that affected his self-worth. When in school he got poor grades. He ended up hanging with other students who had similar experience to his. He had found a clique of drug addicts to whom he could relate and who accepted him just as he was. And because of his association with them he eventually ended up in juvenile hall and then jail. And for the next 20 years he spent a lot of time associating with people like him and ultimately returning to jail or prison.

During my sessions with him I was able to help him understand that he could do nothing about the past. Nor could he really plan a future. But something that he would be able to do that would bring him some happiness and peace was to learn how to live in the moment. It took a while for me to help him understand that the only thing he had control over was this moment. And when he spent his time in the past or the future he was wasting a lot of the brief time that we all have here on earth.

After a while his anxiety went away because he began to grasp the concepts that I was teaching him about living in the moment. Someone taught me that concept a long time ago. And when I'm able to share it with others who begin to use it in their lives I feel like I'm helping someone learn how precious each moment of our life is.

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The cost of Greed

 It's only been within the past year that I've become aware of fraudulent treatment programs taking advantage of our indigent populations.  And the fraud is so massive that much of the money may never be recovered.

The story I heard was that a group from another country perpetrated the fraud, provided zero services, yet collected premium rates for their so-called services.  The real victims here are those who expected treatment  and received nothing.

Hopefully, Arizona authorities will find the perpetrators and give them them the justice they deserve,  After all it's hard enough to provide treatment when circumstances are favorable, let alone when criminals are taking advantage of the system.

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Don't Expect

When I went to Puerto Vallarta last November it was with the idea of having my usual good time enjoying the food, the culture, and the total experience.  But as those who've been following this blog know my life on vacation didn't quite out as planned,  Instead, I slipped and broke my foot when I tripped on a carpet,

It took about a week for me to accept the injury.  But once I accepted my injury guess what happened next; I came down with the flu.  And the next thing that came along was a reoccurrence of atrial flutter.  I finally decided to stop expecting to get better because it wasn't working very well.  And it has, since I've not been expecting to feel better i've have no more ailments.

So the lesson here is to accept whatever comes our way.  We'll be happier.

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Being Sick

For those of you who've followed this blog over the past 25 years, you know that I've rarely called in sick for any reason.  I've broken bones on more than one occasion, had cancer on two occasions, and various other maladies. But this was different. I had a series of things happen.

First, I broke my right foot while working out, five days into my vacation in Mexico. After I was home a week, I came down with a rare urinary tract infection.  That was followed by a serious cold. Then I came down with a case of atrial flutter.  With all that I really felt sick. I was so weak, I could barely stand without a walker.  I just felt like lying around with my foot elevated.

My doctor said I should be back at the office next week.  I hope he's right.

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Medical Leave

 I am currently on medical leave. I will return soon with a new blog. 

Acceptance

When one is ailing and goes to the doctor the first thing the doctor does is diagnose the ailment. Something similar happens when one goes to an attorney with a legal problem: the attorney defines what the problem is so that he knows what he or she is dealing with.

And what happens when an alcoholic gets deep into Alcoholics Anonymous is that he or she accepts that they have a drinking problem. And it's really that basic. Before we can resolve any challenge that we're facing in our life, we first have to define what the challenge is.

Now in the case of an alcoholic or an addict it would seem obvious what our problem is. And the reason it would seem obvious is because we are always getting in some kind of trouble. We either end up broke. Divorced. Homeless. Or maybe even in prison. Or perhaps with some kind of health issue.

So one of the most important words, in my opinion and in the opinion of many others, is acceptance. And after that, while it may not be an easy road, the steps we have to take to change our lives are very clear. They are in the big book. They are on the walls of virtually every twelve-step meeting room. They are the subject of big book studies.

But for many newcomers, and I was one of them, the acceptance of our alcoholism is sometimes not so easy. We might ask ourselves questions like maybe I should just stick to drinking wine. Or beer. Or whiskey. Or maybe I should just smoke pot. Or take pills. These are all forms of denial that keep us from getting sober.

Acceptance is key, really the only key to a sober life. Because once we realize that every time we drink alcohol we get into some kind of trouble we find the source of our problem. And once we find the source of our problem, then we find the answer to our problem. And the reason we go to meetings is because there are a lot of people there who have faced problems we may one day face. Yet they have come through the experience with their sobriety intact. And that's why it's important for us to hang around with sober people and to go to twelve-step meetings. We learn that if we want to stay sober we do what sober people do.

But if we can't accept what we hear in the meeting rooms from the veterans who have been sober for many years we may just have to go out and try it once again. And that's why acceptance is the key, acceptance that we are alcoholics and addicts. A simple word, yet it contains a world of wisdom.

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33 Years

33 years ago, when I was 51 years of age my life was at the crossroads. I was addicted to heroin and alcohol. I was homeless. I was living in a stolen car. I was stealing every day to get enough money to supply my drug and alcohol habit.

My drug addled brain was going round and round. I had no goals except for one: and that goal was to stop the pain of the useless life I was living.

I weighed my various options. I could keep doing what I was doing and go back to prison. I could end up in a mental hospital where I had been before. Or I could get sober and try to do something different with my life. For some reason – may be a push from God – I decided that I would try to live sober for the rest of my life.

Now I knew that that was something I could not do on my own, that I was powerless over any kind of drugs or alcohol. So I decided to find a detoxification facility where I could get the drugs and alcohol out of my system.

The detox facility accepted me after a brief interview. They fed me. They assigned me a bed. In the following days they began to educate me about my disease. I attended counseling groups and 12 step meetings. I was willing to do whatever they asked of me because I was sick and tired of the pain that I had been going through for the past several weeks of my disease. After 11 days at that facility the staff determined that I was well enough to leave. They found me a local halfway house here in Mesa, Arizona and I began to look for work, attend meetings, and also participate in groups at the halfway house.

My idea when I got there was to spend 30 days and then leave. It didn't work out that way. After 30 days I realized that I did not have a good foundation in recovery and decided to stay for six months. Then at six months I realize I still didn't know enough about my disease so I made a commitment to stay for one year, which I did.

While in that recovery program I decided that I would go into a field where I could help other people get sober because I was so grateful for the help I had received, help that had changed my life. So I made a decision to start my own halfway house once I finished my year. I started planning and looking for a place where I could put 50 beds. Because I had no finances and no credit it was not easy to find a location. But I did.

It seemed that once I decided to get sober everything started going my way. In closing, I want to encourage anyone who is having trouble with alcohol or drugs to get sober and pursue their dreams. If it worked for someone like me I know that it'll work for you.

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Gratitude for Everything

Often times at meetings the chairperson or the speaker will select gratitude as a topic. In fact it is selected so often that sometimes a mock groan will go up in the group. Yes, it is selected so often that it has almost become a platitude. Yet, what is gratitude?

To me, gratitude is being totally aware of the many blessings that I have in my life. And what are those blessings? Many of us see blessings as the material things we have in our lives. We have a good job. We have a new car. We have a wonderful husband or wife. We have a nice circle of friends. These are all things for which we should have gratitude.

But I believe, and have read, that we should have gratitude for everything that occurs in our life.

Does this mean that I should be grateful for the bad things that happen to me? Does this mean that I should be grateful for the misfortune that comes my way? It is a tough concept to swallow, but I believe that the answer is yes. And why should this be, we might ask?

It is often the challenges that life imposes that make us better people. Or creates better situation for us. 33 years ago I was homeless, broke and addicted. Now no one would look at those circumstances and say they should have gratitude for the situation. Yet it was from those very circumstances that my life began to change. When I finally reached the depths of my addiction I was forced to make a choice. I could either continue as I was or end up back in prison. Or I could admit that I was an alcoholic and go into a detoxification unit. I chose the latter and my life began to change.

After 11 days I left the detoxification unit and went to a halfway house. I have gratitude for that halfway house because they accepted me without money. They fed me, provided peer counseling, and gave me hope for the future. The first six months there I worked a series of entry-level jobs. I did day labor. I worked as a telemarketer. I washed windows for pocket money. I rode a bicycle, took buses and bummed rides from other residents of the halfway house. But today, 33 years later, I still remember the sense of gratitude about the small improvements in my life during those first months of sobriety.

I have gratitude because from those humble beginnings many years ago I have become the success that I am today. Today I still don't automatically have gratitude for challenges that might confront me. But if I look at some of the seemingly impossible situations that have ended well, then I can approach life with gratitude.

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Be here Now

Don’t judge yourself by your past. You don’t live there anymore." Unknown

Many addicts and alcoholics new to recovery judge themselves by their past. And many of them bear a heavy burden from the things they've done.

Maybe they've abandoned their families. Perhaps they committed a crime while drug seeking and ended up in prison. Others have experienced bankruptcy or divorce. Without a lot of looking most of us in recovery can find many things to judge ourselves for.

I think it's good for us to remember the price we paid for our addiction, but to continue to define our whole lives by our disease is a waste. Because the reality is that we alcoholics and addicts are known for bad decisions and poor judgment. But for us to waste our precious headspace and time dwelling on what we did and how far we've fallen behind our peers can impede our recovery.

Instead, we must learn to forgive ourselves and to live in the present. That's not to say that what we did was okay, or that we shouldn't make amends for our misdeeds, but when we forgive ourselves we can make progress.

I've witnessed many times what happens when addicts live in the past: they end up returning there and repeating their history. But those who have a healthy outlook on what they did, and who are working on recovery, can find themselves living successful lives.

I have some outstanding friends who have been sober over 25 years who have rebuilt their lives in every way. They are physically, financially, and spiritually healthy and giving back to the world and to their families.

You can do the same by living in the present and moving forward.

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Counting our Blessings

As we start our day do we look at our blessings? At the gifts we have in our lives? At the many opportunities the universe has given us?

If that's the way you woke up this morning congratulations. Because gratitude is the nectar that makes life sweeter and more worthwhile.

But what if we weren't taught to look at our lives this way? Maybe we grew up in poverty. Or in a family of alcoholics and addicts. Perhaps negativity was in the air.

The good news is that we can overcome this upbringing by changing our focus. Many of us grew up noticing what we didn't have. We compared ourselves to others and always came up short.

And the reason we came up short is because we compared ourselves to those who had more.

However, if we must compare, maybe we should compare ourselves to those who have less. Then we can develop gratitude.

There are parts of the world where poverty and disease are rampant. Where there's little or no employment or opportunity for education. Where war and strife are part of daily life.

When we see others living amidst these major challenges it’s easy to recognize our blessings.

And be thankful.

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25 Year Resentment

A few days ago one of my business associates sent me a post she found on Facebook. She sent it because it was written by a TLC client from 25 years ago who was still angry at some of our former managers, and me in particular.

Now usually I don't even read things that are critical of the program beyond the first paragraph or two. And that's because most of these diatribes are from people who were in our program and dismissed because they wouldn't follow the guidelines – or more likely weren't ready to get sober.  But my interest was piqued because I couldn't imagine someone being angry at a rehabilitation program they'd been in 25 years ago. I kind of scratched my head because I wondered what terrible things happened to him that made him have such a lengthy resentment.

One thing I was certain of was that this gentleman hadn't been sober since he left our program. Because people who are sober and clean learn how to put things behind them and not spend a lot of time on resentments. My belief is that we only have so much time on this earth and it's probably better if we use that time productively and being an asset to the community.

I recall that it didn't take much to get me angry.  And being angry always led me to stick a needle in my arm or else pick up a bottle of something to get me out of my mind. But something about this one caught my interest. And that's because the people he was referring to were managers over 25 years ago. None of them are even with the program today with the exception of myself.

My advice to people who develop these kind of resentments is to do one of two things: either forget about them or else ask to meet with the person that you're resentful at. I know that a lot of people have been angry at me over the years about the way we run TLC. 

And I don't blame them for being angry. There was a time - before I got sober - that I didn't want anyone telling me anything. My problem wasn't me. It was everyone else in the world that was causing my problems. And as long as I could blame them I didn't have to be responsible for any of my shitty behaviors.

I guess the thing that disturbs me more than anything else about this gentleman's anger at TLC is all the time he's wasted. He might've been able to get a college degree with the amount of time he spent thinking about us over such a period of time.

In closing, I would like to invite him – or anyone else – who bears us anger to make an appointment to talk with me. If I did something to harm them I'll be happy to clean up my side of the street. And if they just want to vent, then I'll be willing to listen to that also.

And if they need a place to go to get sober – if that's what they need – then our doors are always open.

.Click here to email John