We often get requests from couples - some married and some not - to come into our treatment program or transitional housing to do the program together. And our answer is always the same: no.
Now sober citizens without addiction problems might not understand why we deny them. But the answer is simple.
When couples are together in a program they often lose focus. They don't pay as much attention to the treatment they're receiving as they do to each other. Another factor is that they can't be as transparent about their issues when they're in the same group as their partner. Plus, jealousy may arise if one of them finds another member of the program attractive or interesting. There are many other potential conflicts which I won't go into here.
We have rules for our single clients of both sexes that are designed to keep them from getting into relationships while in the program. We don't allow them to pair up with one another, for example. Because what often happens is that Mother Nature takes its course and before we know it they're looking for ways to get together. Many times couples become so enamored with each other that they leave the program together to start a "new" life. Sadly, the new life usually ends up at the dope house and they're in the same situation they were before - living in their addictions.
No one has ever told their son or daughter to go down to the local recovery program to find a good life mate or partner. There's a reason that all of us went into recovery. And it wasn't because we were such great human beings. Most of had nothing when we arrived. We might have a criminal background. Little or no education. We might have health issues.
And I tell clients regularly that if you find someone in the program that you really love, then that love can wait a while until your recovery gets stronger.
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