Reaching Out

A concept of the 12-step programs is that we give it away to keep it. Helping others is a stepping stone to our recovery. And giving it away works as well outside the meeting rooms as it does inside.

Often at TLC we encounter clients who’ve been sober a few months who say they don’t feel like they’re “making progress.” They feel stuck in their programs. The early rush of being clean and sober has somewhat dissipated, the euphoria of the pink cloud has left. 

Our recommendation is that the client gets busy helping others. Some protest that they have nothing to give because they’ve been sober only a few months. They don’t have enough experience or credibility to help another addict or alcoholic. But that’s not so.

In my early recovery I couldn’t relate to those who had several years in the program. Their experiences were good, but I was too new. However, when I met someone who had six months, I found some common ground. Six months seemed like something doable.

If we have a week sober we can reach out to the newcomer who has but a few hours or days. Our short time of being drug or alcohol free says to the newcomer that it’s possible make it – at least a little ways.  A hug, a cigarette, a smile are little things that make them feel welcome.

Reaching out to others shows them they’re not alone on this path to happy destiny.

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The Importance of Regular Attendance at 12-Step Meetings

Regular attendance at 12-step meetings can be a cornerstone of success for those on the journey to recovery. While many factors contribute to maintaining sobriety, these meetings offer a unique blend of support, accountability, and community that is vital for long-term recovery.

First and foremost, 12-step meetings provide a safe space for individuals to share their experiences, struggles, and triumphs. This sharing fosters a sense of connection that can be profoundly healing. Knowing that others have faced similar challenges can alleviate feelings of isolation and shame, which are often triggers for relapse. The encouragement and understanding from peers can remind individuals that they are not alone in their journey.

Accountability is another crucial aspect of regular meeting attendance. When individuals commit to attending meetings, they establish a routine that reinforces their dedication to sobriety. The consistency of these gatherings helps to create a structured environment that encourages self-discipline. Regular check-ins with fellow members can serve as a reminder of personal goals and the importance of staying focused on recovery.

Moreover, 12-step meetings emphasize the importance of service and giving back. By participating in discussions or helping new members, individuals reinforce their own recovery while fostering a sense of purpose. This cycle of giving and receiving support strengthens the recovery community and provides a profound sense of belonging.

Lastly, the principles and steps of the 12-step program offer a framework for personal growth. Engaging regularly with these concepts allows individuals to reflect on their progress and continually work on self-improvement. Each meeting is an opportunity to learn something new, whether it’s a different perspective on a problem or a fresh insight into one’s own behaviors.

In conclusion, regular attendance at 12-step meetings is not just beneficial; it’s essential for many on the path to recovery. By building connections, maintaining accountability, contributing to the community, and embracing personal growth, individuals can create a solid foundation for a clean and sober life.

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Acts of Kindness

Several years back a photo of a police officer giving a pair of shoes to a homeless man in New York City made worldwide news. It was a moving photo, one that resulted in the officer being lauded for his kind behavior.  It was very kind of him to spend his own money on this homeless man. Indeed, his behavior is an example to us all.

But later, after reflecting on this incident and all the publicity it generated, I wondered why this particular act of kindness generated such publicity?  Maybe it was because the giver was a police officer and the recipient was homeless – in a city that supposedly has a reputation for being callous. I'm not sure.

During my 22+ years of recovery I've encountered many generous people who've gone out of their way to help others. Some of this help has been given anonymously. Other times it's been in the public eye. In fact, acts of kindness are so common in this part of the world that they generate little or no attention. We look upon it as near normal.

A while back a man told me of some associates who are remodeling the home of a woman who's about to die of terminal cancer. They've dug into their pockets to build ramps, widen bathroom doors, and do other things to make her last days easier. These folks bring minimal attention to themselves. As I said acts of kindness happen here all the time.

For me the benefit of the publicity about this police officer giving this man shoes is that it brings attention to acts of kindness. 

And it illustrates one of the most important commandments in the Bible: love thy neighbor. We can do more of this - not only during holidays - but year around.

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The Ripple Effect of Living Sober: Transforming Families and Communities

Living sober is a powerful decision that resonates far beyond the individual. When someone embarks on this journey, the impact can be profound, touching the lives of family members and radiating outward to the broader community.

For families, the effects of sobriety can be transformative. Individuals who embrace a sober lifestyle often experience improved emotional and physical health, leading to stronger relationships. Communication typically becomes more open and honest, fostering an environment of trust and support. Sober parents can provide a more stable and nurturing home, creating a positive foundation for their children. Kids benefit from the presence of engaged and attentive parents, which can break cycles of addiction and trauma that may have been passed down through generations.

Moreover, sober living can enhance family dynamics. Family members may notice a reduction in conflict, as the chaos often associated with substance abuse diminishes. This newfound stability allows families to spend quality time together, strengthening bonds and encouraging healthier activities. The positive changes can inspire relatives and friends to reevaluate their own relationships with substances, promoting a ripple effect of sobriety.

On a larger scale, the benefits of living sober extend to communities. Sober individuals are often more engaged citizens, contributing positively to society. They tend to volunteer more, participate in local events, and foster a sense of belonging. As sobriety becomes more prevalent in a community, the collective mindset shifts towards health and wellness, leading to lower crime rates, reduced healthcare costs, and increased economic productivity.

Moreover, the visibility of sober living can help challenge the stigma surrounding addiction, encouraging others to seek help and fostering a culture of support and understanding. This creates a cycle of positivity that uplifts not just individuals, but entire communities.

In conclusion, living sober is not just a personal triumph; it is a catalyst for change that nurtures families and enriches communities. By embracing sobriety, we contribute to a healthier, more connected world—one where support, love, and resilience flourish.

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The Hedonic Treadmill

One of the characteristic beliefs of many addicts - and non-addicts - is that money will bring them success and happiness.  Not so.  

Now there's little doubt that money will bring us a degree of pleasure, at least on a temporary basis.  But when we tire of that pleasure, we think that maybe a little more will make our lives wonderful.  So, we work to get a bigger house.  A nicer car.  A better wardrobe.  More jewelry.  And stuff that we think will fulfill our lives.

In psychology it is often described as the "hedonic treadmill."  I run and run harder and faster to accumulate more stuff.  Then I'll be happy.  But sooner or later we find that more stuff is not the key to happiness.  Many wear themselves out on the treadmill, and soon realize that there are other ways to happiness aside from accumulating stuff that only brings pleasure for while.

Those who get off that path may decide to improve their lives by going to school.  Learning to play a musical instrument.  Joining a church. Volunteering at a senior center, or becoming active in sponsoring others in recovery.

When we devote ourselves to learning a new skill or to helping others improve their lives then we find true happiness.

I once thought the same way:  that a lot of material things would make me happy.  But once I got those things they didn't give me what I wanted.   

So I devoted my life to helping others change for the better and achieve their goals in life.  That's what brought me the happiness that I have today.

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