In the Moment

Here and now is a place where things are manageable.  I can get up today to work, even if I'm not sure I could do it for the rest of my life.  The pain in my back might be severe today.  But is it going to stay with me from now on?  Today I may be broke, or not have a job.  But will this always be the case?

If I stay present, I face life in manageable chunks.  If I speculate about a problematic future, I might become overwhelmed to the point of picking up a drink or drug.

If I'm managing an archaeological expedition through the wreckage of my years of drinking and drugging and being irresponsible and abusing I might get lost and never get back to today.  Living in today, I don't need to open the door and enter that tunnel to my dark past.  Instead, I stay in today, where the light of the moment shines upon my activities and keeps me focused on what's real.

The idea of living in today did not originate with the framers of the 12-step programs.  Eastern religions for centuries have taught the value of focusing upon this minute, this moment, this second that we've been given.

Regardless of where it came from, the concept of living a day at a time teaches us that life is manageable - something each of us in recovery can use to our benefit.

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Needing a Drink

When I stopped at Circle K for my morning coffee, a disheveled, bearded man appeared to be sleeping on the sidewalk next to the building. As I left my car and started into the store, though, he opened one eye and asked if I had any change.

Not now, I told him.  But that I might have some when I come out of the store.  When I came back he was waiting expectantly, but the only change I had was a five-dollar bill.  After wrestling with myself for a minute I decided to give it to him.  After all, he looked like he was hurting and could use a drink.  And that five dollar bill might get him a small bottle of Vodka, enough to at least carry him for a couple of hours.

While I rarely bummed money for a drink because it was faster to steal it, I certainly could relate to what he was going through.  Because there was a period of my life when I was never far from a bottle.  Even when I was using heroin I always had a beer or other beverage close by.

I felt some pity for the man because help was available.  Some programs will take him in immediately - whether he has money or not.  But 34 years of experience working with alcoholics has taught me that until an alcoholic or addict has had enough pain and suffering they won't quit.  When life becomes miserable then we stop - unless we die first.

As I drove away I had a moment of gratitude.  Because had I not reached a point of pain that had become intolerable I might have found myself panhandling outside a convenience store instead of living sober for over 34 years.

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What's Important?

 When addicts are serious about recovery they're not too concerned about amenities. Oh yeah, having a fancy place to recover that's like a nice resort is great.

But the environment is secondary for those of us who came in broke. We're happy to have a bed and something to eat. A place to shower. Someplace to be while we put our lives back together.

When I got clean in 1991 my first stop after 11 days of detox was a halfway house in Mesa, Arizona. I had no job. No car. And literally the clothes on my back.

They gave me a room with three other guys new to recovery. The mattress was thin and old. There wasn't a box spring, just a sheet of plywood under the mattress.

They had the same breakfast every morning - milk and cereal. No lunch. And a hot meal in the evening.

But because I had no place to turn I was grateful to those who ran the place. They took me in with no money and provided the basics. They had me attending meetings, both at the house and in the community. It was a good recovery environment.

They let me in without money. And I'm still impressed that someone would offer a homeless addict this kind of help. And with no guarantee they'd get paid.

I've learned over the past 25 years that those who are serious about recovery will go to any lengths. The living conditions aren't important - the recovery atmosphere is everything.

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Karma

 One of the interesting things about my job is how surprised we are when clients act just like we used to.

A while back we hired a couple of clients for management positions. And they had all the credentials. They were grateful to be sober. They were happy to be given a position where they could help others. They could use a computer with some skill. One of them had done a little prison time. Like I said, they had the qualifications for the job.

However, within a couple of weeks we found out who they really were. We learned within a short time they were stealing from other clients, from TLC, getting high, and in general acting like many of us behaved before we got here.

Since this hadn't happened in a while, I was a little taken aback. But I knew I had no one to blame but myself. After all, I approved the decision to hire them on a probationary basis. Still, it's kind of a let down when we open our doors and welcome people - only to have them rip us off.

Now I know how all those people who trusted me must have felt when I returned their kindness with the kind of treachery an addict can sometimes give in return.

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It's not about Material

 In the nearly 34 years TLC has been in existence we've had thousands of addicts and alcoholics graduate our program.  And many have become quite successful after leaving.

Some have married and are raising children.  Others have gotten college degrees.  In fact, one recently sent me a video of him receiving his Doctorate.   Another graduate has a quality remodeling business in a nearby state that he has operated for several years. He also is married and has teenage children.  I'm proud of their success.

I know of many others who are succeeding in life.  I only mention these two examples, because I periodically am in contact with them.  And they are handling their success quite well and are examples to those around them - especially to other addicts.

I bring this up today because in the thirty-four years I've stayed sober I have also become financially successful by saving my money and making long-term investments in real estate.  At 85, I work six days a week, stay healthy, and help others have an opportunity to achieve recovery and find a new way of living.

Despite my success, I don't live lavishly. I live in an average 2200-square-foot home. My one luxury is a 2022 S Model Tesla that I lease. I buy most of my clothing at Walmart, Kohl's, or Old Navy. I don't find much satisfaction in luxury items, though I can afford them.

I've had associates ask me why I don't buy a bigger house or get this or that model of fancy car.  But to feel good about myself I don't need those things. I tell them that people aren't going to like me any better if I have a 5,000 square foot house, wear expensive watches, and buy my clothes from Nordstrom's. 

I'd rather invest in three or four personal vacations a year.  I invest in good experiences and memories.

And I suggest to those who leave the program and become successful to remember where they came from. I ask them to show gratitude for their success and be generous to others. Because helping others is one of the great satisfactions in life.

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Not enough Pain

 A woman calls to get into our halfway houses and is given the phone number for an intake. However, she cut the interview short because, as she said later, "They kept asking me questions."

Apparently she wasn't okay with giving us information about her drug and alcohol history. She felt the intake process was "invasive."

Her attitude is characteristic of some of us before we get clean. Many of us get to recovery because others might be pushing us. Because we're doing the world a favor we're not willing to put up with frustration of any kind.

My suspicion is that this woman hasn't reached bottom yet, hasn't had enough pain. Because when we're hurting and someone reaches out with free help we take it. And without question.

Hopefully she'll get enough pain to bring her into recovery before she gets into serious trouble.

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Expect Change

I try to live by a saying I once heard:  “The only thing in life we can really count is change.”   That things will be different tomorrow.  We don’t know what to expect tomorrow.

So what’s the benefit of that?  Well, for one thing when bad things happen we’re not surprised. Or depressed.  Or angry.

We learn to roll with the punches.  To accept the good with the bad.  Knowing that tomorrow we might win the lottery.  Or lose our job.  Or become overwhelmed by a pandemic.  We don’t know what’s coming next. 

So what’s the point?  The point is that we learn to live in the here and now.  To enjoy this moment of our lives.  Because this is the moment God gave us.  That this slice of time is all we can count on.

If we learn to expect change then we can be truly happy.

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