Responsible Now

For years I played the blame game.  Everything was someone else's fault.  The easiest thing for me to do was shrug my shoulders like I had no responsibility at all.

I used drugs for years because my father was a raging alcoholic who beat everyone and everything around him.  I did lousy in school because of my home life.  It seemed like I was a burden to my family and I never received nurturing at home.  Just criticism and abuse.

And while all of these things were true about my childhood and caused me to grow up full of pain, it also caused me to spend years mired in addiction and alcoholism.  Jails.  Divorces.  Bankruptcies. Accidents.  My life was a trainwreck.

It was only when I became homeless after losing everything for the umpteenth time that I decided to change.  I was so full of pain that I was either going to change or die. And at that juncture, I decided I wanted to live up to my potential and be someone different.

And I did become someone different.  I surrendered my past, joined the 12-step programs and went to work in the recovery field.

At first, I couldn't believe how good I felt and how life started to flow for me.  Thirty-four years later I enjoy blessings in my life.  All of the promises continue to come true for me.

But it only happened when I accepted the past and started living in today.

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Living with Kindness

 "You never know what people are going through. Be kind. Always." Unknown

A while back I was in a bank with a business associate. We were there to modify a business account and were being helped by a banker who was having difficulty finding the necessary paperwork.

"I'm sorry," she apologized, seeming somewhat frustrated. "I've been out of the office for a couple of weeks and have to get used to where everything is again."

"No problem," I replied. "How was your vacation?"

"I wish I'd been on vacation," she replied. Then she explained that she'd been home for two weeks because her teenage son was seriously injured when a truck T-boned the car he was in. He was bedridden and she was the only one available to care for him.

I immediately felt compassion for her and silently chided myself for feeling somewhat impatient.

While filling out the paperwork, we continued talking. She revealed that not only did she have to deal with her son's recuperation, but she also had a son with Down's syndrome and a daughter who was being treated for leukemia.

My associate commented that she really seemed to be able to keep her self together, considering the challenges she was facing.

The banker replied that it wasn't easy. She said that sometimes on her 30-mile drive home she'd cry all the way, then put on a happy face before entering the house to take care of her husband and children.

As we concluded our business and left the bank I realized that I need to cultivate an attitude of kindness toward others at all times. In traffic. When I'm in a hurry. When I'm dealing with business people who don't seem to know what they're doing. Whenever I'm dealing with anyone, I need to show them kindness.

Because, as the encounter with this banker showed me, we never know the challenges and problems others are facing. We never know when they've gotten bad news about their health. Or they are having issues with their spouse or children. Maybe they just lost their job or a relative. We just never know.  That's why it pays to always be kind - whether we feel like it or not.

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