Stepping Forward

A client admitted in group that he's been stuck on his 4th & 5^th steps for more than six months. He said he doesn't trust his sponsor enough to share personal information with him.

His story's not unusual among our clients, many who’ve not trusted anyone in their lives.

Then the facilitator used an analogy to help the client see the effects of his actions.

''You're like a man who’s sinking in the ocean who won't grab a lifeline when it's thrown to him. Your drug use threatens your life, yet you won't use every resource available to you."

Another client suggested that if he's afraid to do these steps with his sponsor that he work them anonymously with a pastor or priest who would respect his privacy and anonymity - maybe in another part of town.

The group consensus was that doing these steps is an important part of dealing with the issues from our past. And we might just save our lives.

Simple Pleasure

At today's 12 step meeting the speaker spoke of the simple pleasures of sobriety.

            '"I went to the refrigerator last night and it was full of food," he said. "And I have all my bills paid today. Maybe I only have 10 or $20 in my pocket, but today I'm okay with that."

The speaker embodies something frequently seen in 12 step programs. People start taking pleasure in small things, the simple things of life. Members take pleasure in being there for others. Today fellowship, serenity and peace of mind is enough for most.

The speaker's lead set the tone for the rest of the meeting. Three members, who had over 50 years between them, spoke of living sober. 

One man mentioned the relief he felt when he finally accepted that he was alcoholic. Peace descended and the weight of the world lifted from his shoulders. Even now, after 20 years, he lives a simple existence without the anxiety that came with using alcohol and drugs.

He hasn't been to jail. He hasn't been arrested. He's always had a job. And even though he's gone through losses in his personal life, nothing’s been serious enough to make him pick up a drink or a needle.

Another spoke of a recovery friend who's in the hospital. He said that even though the man is totally nuts he has many friends who’ve been visiting, an example of those in recovery taking care of one another when times are tough.

We are always there for one another in the fellowship of recovery.

Bad Reputation?

“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.“  -John Wooden

One of our salespeople came to my office upset because the nonprofit he called wasn't interested in the drug screening tests we sell to raise funds.

At first the woman seemed interested, but when she found out our salesman worked for TLC she said "oh you're from TLC. I know who they are." Her tone suggested something negative about our organization.

One thing we often encounter is our bad reputation. In some circles – even on prison yards - we have a reputation for being "mean."

This stems from the fact that we have zero tolerance for drug use – even prescription drug use - on our property. When clients use drugs we refer them elsewhere – or make them leave if they don’t accept the referral. There are many halfway houses and programs in our area that are tolerant of drug use; they'll accept anyone as long as they pay.

As a result of our policies former clients often blame it on TLC when they’re discharged. They’ll say that we’re nothing but a “dope house” as way of getting back at us. Or else we’re “all about money” because we make them pay a whopping $110 a week for room and board. But the simple fact is they won't accept responsibility for their behavior.

And sometimes when former clients bad rap us there are those – mostly people with little education about addicts – who take their stories at face value.

Hopefully – if they offer help to these former clients - they’ll have a better experience than we did.

Relapse? or No?

A mid-level staff member – who’s also a client - called me after hours when he heard that staff members were being given a surprise drug test. He was afraid he might not pass.

When I asked why, he said that someone at his place of employment had given him a “muscle relaxer,” but he wasn’t sure what it contained. He wasn't sure of the name of the pill he took.

It turns out the urine sample he provided was “clean,” meaning it contained no opiates, or other illicit substances. However, the larger issue is that he put his sobriety in jeopardy by taking a substance for his back pain without knowing what it contained.

Is this a relapse? A test used by many in the 12-step programs is this: if a sober person drinks a plain soda, thinking it contains alcohol, is that a relapse? And the answer, of course, is yes.

And if the same sober person innocently drinks a soda, not knowing it contains alcohol did he relapse? And the answer is no.

But our staff member who took a chance on a pill, not caring what contained, definitely put his sobriety in jeopardy. The idea that he thought he might fail the drug test indicates that he knew he was taking a substance that sober people shouldn’t use.

Did he relapse?  Hmmm...

Rigorous Honesty?

“They are naturally incapable of grasping a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty."  from the 12-step literature.

A former client who’s been at TLC several times called yesterday, wanting to come back.  However, we turned him down because he’s been never been able to stay sober with us. He left each time to return to the bottle. We don’t think we can help him.

It was hard to turn him down because he’s very convincing. He promised several times during his call that he’d complete our Hard Six program. However, each time he's relapsed and returned he's promised the same thing.

 After he's with us a few months and starts feeling healthier he suddenly thinks he can make it on his own.  He also gets involved with women who are users. He wants to "save them," even though he can’t stay sober himself.

The sad thing is that he has the qualifications for success. He's had years of business experience. He's bright, hard-working, and personable. But within a few months of achieving sobriety he disappears. The next thing we know he's calling us, drunk and wanting help.

While we don't have the arrogance to pronounce anyone hopeless, we haven’t been able to help this man get sober. We're not helping him by letting him return over and over..

Hopefully he'll find a long-term treatment program that will help him deal with his alcoholism. We wish him well.

Finding Inspiration

A family friend told me that when she went to the gym one day last week she wasn’t very motivated. She hadn't slept well the night before. She was thinking about a job interview she had to go to. When she started running laps she really didn't want to be there.

Then she glanced to one side and noticed a young man working out who had no feet and no hands. He was fitted with prosthetics that allowed him to lift weights pretty much as the other people in the gym were doing.

Her level of motivation instantly changed. She felt inspired after seeing a man who had every excuse to feel sorry for himself,. She got on fire and blazed through her workout.

I related to her story because if we just look about us there are many who face challenges – and usually the challenges are much bigger than the ones we're facing.

As we move along in our recovery, we can always find those with more than we have. But as we grow in gratitude we also come to realize that there are many who are not as blessed as we are. 

Those of us who remain sober are among the fortunate - for we have escaped the demoralization and pain of our addiction.

Serious about Recovery

“You can always tell an alcoholic, you just can’t tell him very much.” Anonymous

Many of those who first come into TLC are grateful because we accept them. They are willing to do whatever it takes to change their lives. Not only that, they sign a detailed agreement that spells out exactly how they’re to behave - both in and out of our facilities.

However, after a few days of rest and some food they begin to realize our program is serious. They find that we really do expect them to follow the rules they initialed and signed before they were accepted into the program.

And that’s when things start to change for some of them. They don’t understand why we expect them to have support for the first few weeks they’re off of the property. Why we want them to find a job. Why we do surprise drug tests. Why we expect them to do chores.

When they realize that TLC is run by recovering addicts who see through their dishonesty and manipulation they often leave to find an easier path. However, for most of them that path leads them back to their drug of choice.

Those who succeed at TLC are those who’ve had enough pain and misery. They no longer use the kind of manipulation that worked for so long with their family and the rest of the world.