Drunk-a-Log...

I've heard that some twelve-step groups back east don't allow newcomers to share until they have a year sober. I used to think the rule was kind of harsh. But after this morning’s meeting, I realize there are good reasons it's in place.

The topic today was "willingness.” And a man with about 24 hours sobriety started speaking, speaking, and speaking some more. He took everyone in the room on a very uninteresting ten minute drunk and drug-a-log that had little to do with anything on this planet. And it definitely had nothing to do with recovery – unless one used his story as an example of what not to do. In deference to the topic, he every so often would toss in the word “willing.”

Finally, when it appeared he was unable to find the end of his story, the chairperson told him to wind it up. There were other people who wanted to speak.

And reluctantly, after some hesitation, he gave up the floor.

Because the meeting I attended is made up of mostly newcomers, it would be hard to keep them from sharing for a year. If we did, the meeting would only last ten or fifteen minutes.

So probably the solution is for the chairperson to announce a three to four minute limit on sharing.

Having said all this, I believe newcomers should share. Though not about recovery, of which they know little.

But in their allotted two or three minutes they could let the rest of the group know that drinking still doesn't work for us alcoholics.

900 Days

A business associate who’d read my blog asked if I wrote it every day. I said yes, that I've been doing so for 900 days. 

He wondered what the point was, so I explained that I do it for no other reason other than that I’d made a commitment to write 1000 blogs in a row.

It started as a way to force myself to write every day. After all, I exercise each day. And that's kind of the way I look at this.  It's a mental workout.  And it adds to my ability to stay focused and keep a commitment – any commitment.

So I show up at the computer each day and look through my notes for a topic that might help someone with their recovery or their life view.

Some days I show up dry, without a speck of inspiration, yet I produce something almost against my will. But isn’t that what our lives are all about? At times we don’t want to get out of bed. Some days we don’t want to show up for work. We don’t want to go to a meeting. Or go to the gym. There are days when everything seems a major effort. Yet we do what we have to do for our own reasons and hope for the best.

And the interesting thing is that sometimes - when I produce a blog when I’m unmotivated - I’ll get a response from a reader, saying how much they got out of it. Go figure.

But that’s why I do this: because someone might get something out of it – even if it’s only me learning to write.

Deadly Addiction

Perhaps one of the saddest stories I've heard the first few days of this New Year is about someone who recently underwent extensive surgery to repair damage from a 40 year smoking habit.

The story is that doctors had to saw his chest open to replace arteries and do other repairs. After a few weeks in the hospital - and a longer stay in a rehabilitation facility where he learned to walk again - he returned home.  He had over a month smoke-free.

Before his discharge doctors cautioned him against smoking again - and because he’d been smoke-free for nearly a month -everyone was optimistic that he wouldn't.  Especially in light of his recent life-threatening surgery.

However, when I inquired as his welfare from a close relative, she said that he’d tried “a couple.”   And when I heard that I knew it wouldn't be long before he’d be smoking as he did before.

As a former smoker who’s lost seven family members to smoking related emphysema and COPD I know how devastating smoking addiction is - and how difficult it is to quit.  As someone who's kicked heroin a dozen times, I can attest that quitting cigarettes is equally difficult and painful.

I underwent the pain of quitting nicotine 28 years ago, the best decision I ever made.  And I only pray that this person can summon the strength to quit this deadly addiction before  he slowly suffocates from emphysema or COPD.

12-step Principles

"And we ceased fighting anything or anyone…" from 12-Step literature.

This is a principle we learn in sobriety. And it’s one we should try to live by - in good times and bad.

I bring this up today because a TLC manager was fired for fighting with a client. Now normally we discharge anyone from the program for fighting. But because these two didn't fight on the property, they were given a break. Although the former manager will likely receive more consequences.

At TLC we've always held managers as more responsible than clients. That's because managers have more sobriety and experience. And they should know better than to get into confrontations - especially with the newly sober. Or with anyone else for that matter.

One reason we get sober, I believe, is because we tired of the insanity in our lives. Yet what is fighting and arguing with other people? In my mind it's another form of insanity, of us getting our egos involved in things that really don't matter.

Many times those in confrontations say they were “defending” themselves because they were “disrespected,” as if that's an acceptable excuse to throw a punch. However, the law generally defines self-defense as when a person fights to protect themselves in a situation from which they can’t escape. If one can run from  an assault - but doesn't - it's not self-defense to use physical force

Our job at TLC is to help recovering addicts rebuild their lives. We only do that when we teach others how to live in peace and serenity.

Positive Move?

Today I ran into a TLC client who reports he’s moving because he can save $200 a month at a new location. When he came to us a few months ago his life was a mess. For the first few days he was so anxious that he almost left a few times.

But after attending counseling for a while he settled into a positive routine. He went to meetings. He started going to the gym as part of his treatment. He had a good sponsor and attended a lot of meetings. He built a wardrobe and bought a bicycle. All in all, his life seemed good.

But, as it says in the literature, our disease is “cunning, baffling, and powerful.” It can sneak up on us in strange ways. And one of those ways is that it tells us we need a better situation - that things aren’t okay right now. It tells us life would be better if we had more money, or more stuff, a better apartment, or car, and so forth.

But once we make these seemingly positive moves we might learn again that we alcoholics and addicts have only one problem: our disease. And nothing will control it other than focusing – not on stuff – but on the principles of living sober. If material comforts can possibly interrupt what is working we might want to take a look at it.

In the case of this client – who's in very early recovery - I may be totally wrong.  This move could be exactly what he needs to enhance his sobriety. But one thing I am sure of:  his primary issue is not money or lack of stuff.

Even today, when I’m within days of being sober 22 years, I don’t make any decision that has a chance of negatively impacting my recovery. No matter how positive it seems.

No Techie

When I was born in last century - before World War II - our state of technology was primitive by today's standards..

In fact. when I came home from the hospital our cutting-edge technology was a small scratchy radio that was the focal point of the living room. We didn't even have a telephone until after World War II And when we did get a telephone, It was a party line. Which means that half a dozen of the neighbors shared the same line. However, it was the latest innovation and a big deal to us.

Seven or eight years later came television and then wave after wave of technology that continues to this moment.

And my point? Well, I’m rambling on because I’m pleased to finally release the latest version of the TLC website – after struggling to update it for a few months. And I guess I’m pleased about this because I’m not a techie – but a throwback to a pre-technology era who's been able to produce a new site.

And while I’m never totally satisfied with a product, this site is functional and easy for me to access and update. I can take care of it in minutes and for that I’m grateful.

Even though my alcoholic-addict ego says I can do anything, my goal is not to be a web designer. My goal is to help people get sober and change lives.

And the internet is just another tool to help. And I'm grateful my brain still works well enough to permit me to do projects like this.

New Year's Gratitude

While in my office yesterday, contemplating a blog for New Year’s Day, I was musing about gratitude.  Then, almost fortuitously, a long time client showed up to chat.

And probably as much as any anyone I've dealt with over 21 years, this man's progress represents what TLC is about.

When I met him several years ago he’d been in and out of the primary program several times. Finally he made it to the Hard Six program, but also left there before graduating. Eventually, though, he returned and this time didn't run off.

During this last stint he struggled to confront the demons that led him to drink and live homeless for so many years. While I long ago quit picking winners and losers, I honestly wouldn't have been surprised had he left again.  At times it was painful to witness his struggles.

But he drew on the same toughness that helped him survive the brutal streets of Phoenix for so many years and continued to seek solutions.

Today he’s still around. He has a driver’s license. He has a lady in his life. He has a job. He’s still learning how to be a part of the human race.

When I see his success – which I define simply as living sober – I’m grateful to be a part of it.