Dishonesty

A few days ago a TLC van bringing clients home from work was in an accident. It was so serious that it totaled our van.

Our driver went to the hospital with broken legs and other injuries. The three TLC clients walked away. There were no injuries reported by those in the other vehicle.

However, later that evening the three who said they weren't hurt went to the emergency room. Even though they'd said at the scene that they weren't injured.

This is a common scenario after an accident involving our clients. Even if they're not injured they'll later go to the emergency and return with a neck brace or pain medication. Something.

And the goal is always the same: to lay the foundation for a big settlement for their "injuries."  And maybe to get high.

We once had a fifteen passenger van rear ended at a stop light in the mid-nineties by a car going about three miles an hour. It didn't even dent the bumper. But the six or seven clients inside all rolled out claiming neck and back "injuries."

Our policy when clients do this is always the same: if you're going to sue TLC you must live elsewhere while you're doing it. So generally they end up living elsewhere.

And for us it's not about the money because we spend around $75,000 a year for vehicle insurance. Plus another $100,000 plus for general liability coverage. And that's whether we have a claim or not.

The bigger thing for us is that this kind of behavior displays a fundamental dishonesty that runs counter to recovery.

In the 12-step programs we learn about honesty. If a client lies about injuries or tries to scam us or our insurance company then we have a problem.

Each year we have a few claims from those injured on the job. Broken fingers, cuts, and other kinds of mishaps that occur on construction sites. And we're okay paying medical bills for real injuries. But we draw the line when injury claims are as questionable at the ones of a few days ago.

And in 23 years no one has received a dime for a fake insurance claim.  But they have ended up living elsewhere.

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Embracing Anxiety

As a certified hypnotist I often get requests from clients suffering from anxiety.

They want to leave my office anxiety free, without fear of the future or the unknown.

But before we go into a session I explain that anxiety is as natural as breathing. Anxiety was a survival tool that allowed us to evolve into who we are today.

If our ancestors had no fear of what might lurk outside the cave entrance they might have been lunch for a hungry animal. So anxiety often kept us from real danger, from starving, or becoming victim of an ambush by another tribe. True danger was a constant in our history.

But in our modern world we often perceive more danger than truly exists. We're inundated with negative news because that's what sells advertising. Ebola. Terrorism. The economy. The job market. Or we build fear by ourselves in our magnifying minds

But for many of us hyper-sensitive addicts this input - whether from outside or self-generated - can create more anxiety and fear. It builds on itself until we're paralyzed.

To help clients I use ideas from mindfulness meditation - which teaches us to accept all our thoughts. To welcome them as normal. To view them as friends, then let them pass on.

And it doesn't make any difference whether the thoughts are anger or fear or joy or judgement. Whatever they are we accept them and let them pass like the clouds in the sky. Like bubbles on a flowing stream.

While they're in hypnosis I suggest they embrace their anxiety as natural.

And after a few sessions clients report more peace and serenity because they're no longer consumed with fear. Anxiety has assumed its natural place in their lives.

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We think Differently

A friend who entered a Phoenix detox 23 years ago describes his talk with the intake counselor.

"He asked how much I thought the average person drank on Friday nights," he told me.

"A case of beer and maybe a fifth of whiskey," he told the counselor.

"Wrong," the counselor replied. "It's an ounce or less."

My friend told the counselor he didn't understand why anyone would drink only an ounce.

And the counselor told him he didn't understand because he was alcoholic.

It's difficult for those of us who are alcoholics or addicts to see others use anything in moderation.

I recall my dear departed grandmother drinking a glass of white wine at Christmas. But she didn't drink the whole glass.

"That's enough," she said, as she sat the glass down. "I'm starting to feel it."

And I sat there, wanting to cheer her on. To tell her to keep going. Even though I was a teenager, I knew the only reason to drink alcohol was to get smashed. Because I never drank for any reason other than to be out of my mind.

With almost 24 years sober I now understand the difference between an alcoholic and a normal drinker.

But at one time I thought that people who didn't drink like I did didn't know how to have a good time, that they didn't know how to party.

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Sober Housing

TLC offers sober housing to those who complete our program but want to stick around.

Most of it is close to our central locations. In Mesa, for example, we have 27 apartment units and several houses.

We also have sober housing in Phoenix, Tucson, and Las Vegas. There's always a waiting list. As soon as one client leaves another is ready to move in.

This housing is popular because many clients have felony convictions. And in Arizona it's tough to rent anything livable if one has a record.

Some sober housing clients have been with us for ten years. Even though they can afford to move, they enjoy the safety of being accountable and sober.

Most of our sober living clients are single men. However, we also have families that are trying to get their lives back together.

Our arrangement with sober living clients is that they must submit to drug testing on demand. Also, none has a lease agreement; instead they pay a weekly service fee. That arrangement allows us to discharge them without notice if they relapse or fail to pay.

It's a system that's worked for over 22 years.

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Synthetic Drugs

A halfway house client seems high so he's asked for a urine sample. And, to everyone's surprise he comes up clean.

However, because he continues acting high he's discharged from the program. A modified e-cigarette in his possession contains an unknown substance.

This happens more often these days. We'll test clients but they are clean. Even though they appear drunk or high.

Much of this is due to new generations of spice and other synthetics. There are no tests for some of the newer ones.

When we discharge clients for using these chemicals they protest. The say they're legal. Or that we can't prove they're using.

But we don't care if a drug is legal. Alcohol is legal. So are prescription drugs.

Sometimes family members question our policies. Non-addicts wonder what the harm is in using something legal. But it's not about legal or illegal. It's about changing our addictive behavior and getting clean so we can have a good life.

If clients are smoking anything other than regular tobacco they're out. And, of course, alcohol or opiates puts them out also.

We have no issues with those who want to drink or use drugs.

They just can't do it at TLC.

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Accepting Responsibility

"And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone...” the Big Book.

I like this quote from the 12-steps because it's straight up. It's so black and white there's no doubt what it means. Ceased fighting. Anything. Anyone.

I dangled this phrase in front of two addicts yesterday who had been fighting one another since they met. Not a physical fight. But talking smack and creating turmoil in their apartment unit.

While in group each wants to indict the other by citing what the other had done. And each time that happens I guide them gently back to focusing on themselves.

It's typical for our residents to place the blame on the other party. But I always ask them to identify their part in the issue. Because that’s the only part they might be able to control.

When I focus on my part in communication breakdowns things become clear. Not what the other person did or said. But what was my role?

When I find my role and accept responsibility, the fighting’s over. I can make amends and live in peace once more.

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Dealing with Pain

A reader writes tells me she feels “like a hypocrite" because she goes to recovery meetings while on pain medication for her back.

She feels trapped between pain and addiction. She can't stand the pain. Yet she's afraid she'll slip into dependence.

And her issue is real for all us addicts.

When I had stomach surgery 10 years ago I shared her concerns. When I awoke after surgery I felt so good I thought I'd gone to heaven. I was in joy and bliss and wrapped in a blanket of ecstasy. Every cell in my body was shouting "yes."

I asked what they'd given me and the nurse said dilaudid - which is a heroin addict's dream.

I said not to give me any more of it because I'm a opiate addict. But the doctor said I needed it because I wouldn't heal as well if I were in pain.

However, they lowered the dose quickly, then switched me to less addictive painkillers. So I safely made it through without relapsing. And with ten days I was taking only Ibuprofen.

In this reader's situation I’d follow medical advice. But, I would also explore natural remedies that might help. Some of these include yoga, meditation and visualization.

Also, she could discuss this issue with her sponsor or other members of her recovery group. They have likely confronted this same issue and may have ideas for her. And that's what the groups are for.

Something my sponsor told me about taking pain medication has stuck with me. He said that if I was asking myself and others whether I should take it then I probably wasn't abusing it.

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