"You will not be punished for your anger. You will be punished by your anger" Buddha
What do we do when we're dealing with someone so angry that they threaten to kill us? I ask this question because for those of us in the recovery field this happens every once in a while.
The Big Book clearly states on page 84 that "We ceased fighting anyone or anything..." But if we follow this statement does that mean that we just roll over and not defend ourselves? It's not an easy question to answer, not without splitting some philosophical hairs.
After all, we got into recovery so we could live in serenity. Yet, here were are faced with having our lives taken by an angry addict. And while many times the person may be blowing off steam, one never knows when someone will act on their anger.
I learned during my years of incarceration to take every threat seriously. Regardless if the person was considered dangerous or not, one never knew whether they would act on their threat. And the situation would be dealt with appropriately.
But in the world of recovery, we no longer can take matters into our own hands if we want to live in peace and serenity.
So the solution for me is to let the law deal with threats; after all, that's why we pay taxes. And on the last three occasions, we've either put the offenders in jail or placed restraining orders upon them.
And while sometimes that doesn't satisfy the more primitive part of my brain, my sober self tells me that living with the bounds of the law is the right thing to do today.
Click here to email John
Wednesday, September 5, 2018
Sunday, September 2, 2018
Changes
Yesterday I got another example of how our lives can quickly change forever.
For over 20 years I'd worked with a business associate and friend who provided us with accounting and consulting services.
He was a pleasant man in his seventies who did a good job with our books, keeping the IRS happy and usually giving us good advice about how to take care of our finances.
He had a few personal quirks, such as a mild stutter when he got nervous, which was sometimes distracting when I was trying to have a serious conversation with him. But, all in all, I was satisfied with his services and figured he'd be with us as long as we were in business. He was a bright man and had good ideas for tax strategies.
But then during tax season two years ago he called me up around 8:00 pm, which was not like him, and started rambling to me about some tax work that we needed to complete right away. Tax work that we'd completed a month earlier.
At first, I thought maybe he'd had a memory lapse, or maybe one too many drinks, and explained to him that we'd already filed those taxes on time. When he called me the next day, he brushed it off as a memory lapse and I didn't think much more about it.
But over the next few months, he began having more lapses in memory and judgment and I realized that something serious was going on with him. Somehow we scraped through the tax season. But I started talking with my business associate about finding another accountant. Which we ultimately did to complete our 2017 taxes.
After that, I lost track of him. I tried calling, but he didn't answer. His old firm, which had let him go, wouldn't give any information about him. He'd disappeared.
Then, the other day, I ate at a restaurant he used to frequent and they told me that he'd developed dementia and that his grown children had put him in a local rest home. Which didn't surprise me, considering how erratic he'd become the last few months I'd worked with him.
I was saddened to see how quickly this man deteriorated. How quickly he went from being active and employed to being confined to a nursing home.
And it reminded me how everything in life is temporary. And that we should live it to the fullest.
Click here to email John
For over 20 years I'd worked with a business associate and friend who provided us with accounting and consulting services.
He was a pleasant man in his seventies who did a good job with our books, keeping the IRS happy and usually giving us good advice about how to take care of our finances.
He had a few personal quirks, such as a mild stutter when he got nervous, which was sometimes distracting when I was trying to have a serious conversation with him. But, all in all, I was satisfied with his services and figured he'd be with us as long as we were in business. He was a bright man and had good ideas for tax strategies.
But then during tax season two years ago he called me up around 8:00 pm, which was not like him, and started rambling to me about some tax work that we needed to complete right away. Tax work that we'd completed a month earlier.
At first, I thought maybe he'd had a memory lapse, or maybe one too many drinks, and explained to him that we'd already filed those taxes on time. When he called me the next day, he brushed it off as a memory lapse and I didn't think much more about it.
But over the next few months, he began having more lapses in memory and judgment and I realized that something serious was going on with him. Somehow we scraped through the tax season. But I started talking with my business associate about finding another accountant. Which we ultimately did to complete our 2017 taxes.
After that, I lost track of him. I tried calling, but he didn't answer. His old firm, which had let him go, wouldn't give any information about him. He'd disappeared.
Then, the other day, I ate at a restaurant he used to frequent and they told me that he'd developed dementia and that his grown children had put him in a local rest home. Which didn't surprise me, considering how erratic he'd become the last few months I'd worked with him.
I was saddened to see how quickly this man deteriorated. How quickly he went from being active and employed to being confined to a nursing home.
And it reminded me how everything in life is temporary. And that we should live it to the fullest.
Click here to email John
Thursday, August 30, 2018
Unimportant
A while back I read that most things in life are very unimportant. At first, I had a negative reaction to that idea. But then I thought about it for a minute and I had to agree.
Because many things that people think are important are really meaningless. A good example of this can be found among those who spend a lot of time on social media.
I've actually seen people get angry and resentful about what someone else says about them on Facebook. Since I've never had a Facebook page and know little about it I'm kind of uninformed here. And probably sound like it.
But I've heard people become very angry when someone blocks them on Facebook. And there's something called a "wall" that I've heard people upset about.
I've been eating with someone who takes a picture of their meal and posts it online - as if it were something important - which it's not. But unimportant things go beyond social media.
I know those who get very upset if their hair or clothes aren't perfect when they leave the house. As if the world really cares about how they look. Or else they'll have a blemish on their face and their day is ruined. We place way too much importance on what others think of us - something we can't control.
In my opinion, the important things in life are our families, our health, and our friends. Some would maybe add jobs to the list. And jobs are important, but only as a means of caring for those we love and care for.
In my opinion, the most important thing in life is to lift up those around us and do what we can to make the world a better place.
Click here to email John
Because many things that people think are important are really meaningless. A good example of this can be found among those who spend a lot of time on social media.
I've actually seen people get angry and resentful about what someone else says about them on Facebook. Since I've never had a Facebook page and know little about it I'm kind of uninformed here. And probably sound like it.
But I've heard people become very angry when someone blocks them on Facebook. And there's something called a "wall" that I've heard people upset about.
I've been eating with someone who takes a picture of their meal and posts it online - as if it were something important - which it's not. But unimportant things go beyond social media.
I know those who get very upset if their hair or clothes aren't perfect when they leave the house. As if the world really cares about how they look. Or else they'll have a blemish on their face and their day is ruined. We place way too much importance on what others think of us - something we can't control.
In my opinion, the important things in life are our families, our health, and our friends. Some would maybe add jobs to the list. And jobs are important, but only as a means of caring for those we love and care for.
In my opinion, the most important thing in life is to lift up those around us and do what we can to make the world a better place.
Click here to email John
Monday, August 27, 2018
Cravings
The topic of cravings often comes up at 12-step meetings.
"I've got these terrible cravings and want to drink"
"If these cravings don't go away I'm going to put a needle in my arm."
One hears statements like these - or variations of them - in meetings on a regular basis.
Yet, we must pause and ask ourselves: what are cravings? While many treat them as if they're monsters lurking along our path of recovery waiting to pounce upon us, that's only our brain asking us for more of that wonderful substance that took away all of our pain - at least for a while.
In other words, our body and mind want to feel that sense of oneness with the world, that feeling that makes us believe that everything's okay. That feeling that gives us power over everything, even our unruly selves. That feeling that ultimately brings everything in our lives crashing down around us.
A craving - in my opinion - is a normal part of recovery. And each time one pops up, if we resist the temptation we become stronger. Eventually, if we continue to ignore our cravings they dissipate and don't return.
Think of your craving as merely a thought, then let it pass through your mind. Kind of like a cloud drifting through the sky.
A craving is only a request, not a command that we must act upon. After all, we make the choice to use or not use. Do any of you ever recall anyone holding you down and pouring alcohol down your throat - or forcibly putting a needle in your arm, or a pipe in your mouth?
Remember that we're the decision makers when it comes to using. And resisting the cravings is a wise decision.
Click here to email John
"I've got these terrible cravings and want to drink"
"If these cravings don't go away I'm going to put a needle in my arm."
One hears statements like these - or variations of them - in meetings on a regular basis.
Yet, we must pause and ask ourselves: what are cravings? While many treat them as if they're monsters lurking along our path of recovery waiting to pounce upon us, that's only our brain asking us for more of that wonderful substance that took away all of our pain - at least for a while.
In other words, our body and mind want to feel that sense of oneness with the world, that feeling that makes us believe that everything's okay. That feeling that gives us power over everything, even our unruly selves. That feeling that ultimately brings everything in our lives crashing down around us.
A craving - in my opinion - is a normal part of recovery. And each time one pops up, if we resist the temptation we become stronger. Eventually, if we continue to ignore our cravings they dissipate and don't return.
Think of your craving as merely a thought, then let it pass through your mind. Kind of like a cloud drifting through the sky.
A craving is only a request, not a command that we must act upon. After all, we make the choice to use or not use. Do any of you ever recall anyone holding you down and pouring alcohol down your throat - or forcibly putting a needle in your arm, or a pipe in your mouth?
Remember that we're the decision makers when it comes to using. And resisting the cravings is a wise decision.
Click here to email John
Friday, August 24, 2018
Gratitude Letter
I received a brief letter from one of our managers last week, one that I wanted to share with readers. And the reason is that this letter exemplifies what TLC is all about and some of the changes that it brings to our clients' lives.
It reads:
"Thank you, John
I'm writing this note to express my gratitude for the opportunity to be a part of your vision to help others find sobriety.
Realizing that our goals, through your program, to develop integrity, ethics and a moral compass are just as important as the abstinence from substances and true sobriety is inspirational.
The ability to work on my recovery while trying to facilitate your ideas of a well-rounded program has made me realize that we all have a higher purpose should we choose to work for it.
The monetary compensation is greatly appreciated as well as the benefits of health that the dental procedures have provided me. But the ability to reset my life is invaluable. Once again – thank you.
It reads:
"Thank you, John
I'm writing this note to express my gratitude for the opportunity to be a part of your vision to help others find sobriety.
Realizing that our goals, through your program, to develop integrity, ethics and a moral compass are just as important as the abstinence from substances and true sobriety is inspirational.
The ability to work on my recovery while trying to facilitate your ideas of a well-rounded program has made me realize that we all have a higher purpose should we choose to work for it.
The monetary compensation is greatly appreciated as well as the benefits of health that the dental procedures have provided me. But the ability to reset my life is invaluable. Once again – thank you.
Your friend in need and follow supporter."
(Name left out to protect anonymity)
I receive letters like this ever so often. And once in a while I publish them because the message comes from the heart.
Many times clients arrived in our program in poor health, having lost everything to their addiction. And every so often one of them will start realizing the benefits of sobriety and stay with us for a while, some until they work their way into management.
(Name left out to protect anonymity)
I receive letters like this ever so often. And once in a while I publish them because the message comes from the heart.
Many times clients arrived in our program in poor health, having lost everything to their addiction. And every so often one of them will start realizing the benefits of sobriety and stay with us for a while, some until they work their way into management.
That's what happened to the author of this letter. He worked his way up from the bottom and found a place in management. He's giving back to his fellow addicts, while at the same time maintaining his sobriety.
He used TLC just the way it was designed and is reaping the benefits of his hard work and consistent effort.
Click here to email John
He used TLC just the way it was designed and is reaping the benefits of his hard work and consistent effort.
Click here to email John
Tuesday, August 21, 2018
Balance
"The word ‘happiness’ would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness." Carl Jung
At one point in life when I was much younger, I thought I always had to feel good, to constantly be happy. And I dedicated years of my life pursuing that idea.
Drugs, alcohol, parties, sex. Those were always my go-to ways to feel good.
In fact, I pursued my goal so intensely that I repeatedly lost everything I had. Jobs. Relationships. Businesses. Friends. Money. Even my freedom.
Only when my pursuit of happiness took everything from me did I get a different perspective on life.
I began to realize that on the other end of life's teetertotter was a measure of pain and sadness. Part of being on planet earth, even clean and sober for years, I experience my share of pain and sadness.
And the good thing is that I don't look for chemical happiness. I know that if I wait long enough the sun will shine again. I can trust that my physical and emotional pain will eventually subside.
I know that happiness and sadness are opposite sides of the same coin.
Click here to email John
At one point in life when I was much younger, I thought I always had to feel good, to constantly be happy. And I dedicated years of my life pursuing that idea.
Drugs, alcohol, parties, sex. Those were always my go-to ways to feel good.
In fact, I pursued my goal so intensely that I repeatedly lost everything I had. Jobs. Relationships. Businesses. Friends. Money. Even my freedom.
Only when my pursuit of happiness took everything from me did I get a different perspective on life.
I began to realize that on the other end of life's teetertotter was a measure of pain and sadness. Part of being on planet earth, even clean and sober for years, I experience my share of pain and sadness.
And the good thing is that I don't look for chemical happiness. I know that if I wait long enough the sun will shine again. I can trust that my physical and emotional pain will eventually subside.
I know that happiness and sadness are opposite sides of the same coin.
Click here to email John
Saturday, August 18, 2018
A strong Team
I finally got back to the office yesterday after returning the day before from a week in Maui.
And even though I've come back from vacation many times before and always find things running perfectly I still have a warm feeling when I return and find that everybody's been doing what they're supposed to do.
And it's not that I'm an untrusting person or don't have confidence in those who run our programs. I think it's that I marvel at what addicts and alcoholics can do when they get sober and unleash their potential.
Within our management, we have people from every background. We have those who have no criminal history, and others who have spent decades behind bars. Some have college degrees, others have only finished high school. We have clients ranging from 18 years old to some in their 70's.
Yet somehow this diverse group - with their common goal of rebuilding their lives and staying sober - manages to function as a well-coordinated team to get their jobs done.
Does that mean they that they never disagree or that everything runs perfectly all the time? Of course not. But somehow they keep things together in a way that makes me proud that they're part of TLC.
Click here to email John
And even though I've come back from vacation many times before and always find things running perfectly I still have a warm feeling when I return and find that everybody's been doing what they're supposed to do.
And it's not that I'm an untrusting person or don't have confidence in those who run our programs. I think it's that I marvel at what addicts and alcoholics can do when they get sober and unleash their potential.
Within our management, we have people from every background. We have those who have no criminal history, and others who have spent decades behind bars. Some have college degrees, others have only finished high school. We have clients ranging from 18 years old to some in their 70's.
Yet somehow this diverse group - with their common goal of rebuilding their lives and staying sober - manages to function as a well-coordinated team to get their jobs done.
Does that mean they that they never disagree or that everything runs perfectly all the time? Of course not. But somehow they keep things together in a way that makes me proud that they're part of TLC.
Click here to email John
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