While driving with my companions in downtown Puerto Vallarta yesterday while on vacation, I was waved to the curb by a policewoman.
Since I wasn't speeding I couldn't imagine why she was stopping me. I hadn't cut anyone off. I wasn't weaving. The rental car had the proper tags on it. I didn't have any warrants.
But as soon as I rolled down the window she let me know that I was driving while talking on the phone. She told me that was illegal in Mexico.
I told her I was unaware of such a law, that I was sorry, and I wouldn't do it anymore. But she wasn't impressed and asked for my license.
After I gave her the license she pulled out her ticket book and started writing. As she did so she told me that I'd have to see the judge the next morning.
She said the fine was $147.00 in American money and that once I paid it I could get my license back.
Since I knew I didn't want to spend even one or two hours of my vacation in a courthouse I used the technique I've always used when I have encounters with the police in Mexico.
Whether you know it or not the police in Mexico are very compassionate and understanding, something I discovered many years ago when I got stopped in Tijuana.
So, when she told me I had to appear in court I asked if she could do me a favor. Because I was on vacation and didn't want to waste time in court would she mind taking the money to the judge for me?
She looked around, a bit uncomfortable, and told me she really couldn't do that, that she might get into trouble. But when I pulled two 100 dollar bills from my wallet and held them where she could see them she handed her ticket book through the window. At which point I put the money into it and handed it back.
She said she would take the money to the judge and made me promise to stop talking on the phone while driving.
I told her that I wouldn't and drove on.
Click here to email John
Friday, November 9, 2018
Tuesday, November 6, 2018
Being Lucky
While you're reading this post, I'll be sitting in a condo on the eighth floor of a building that overlooks the beach in Nuevo Vallarta, Mexico. I'd post a picture for you on Facebook, except I don't do social media. I have enough drama in my life, without that.
Before I left yesterday, someone told me how lucky I was to be able to take vacations three or four times a year. And I agreed with them. I am lucky. Lucky to be sober for nearly 28 years. Lucky to have my family back in my life. Lucky to have started a recovery program 27 years ago that has spread clear across Arizona. Lucky to have my hands in several other small businesses.
But the reality is that there's more to it than that. While luck is definitely a component of many successful people's lives there is something else that people don't often recognize. And that's the fact that what many people call luck I call hard work and taking advantage of opportunities when they arise.
As Thomas Edison said: "Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work". And a truer statement was probably never made.
In my case, the success I enjoy is because I show up every day, whether I feel like it or not. The reason I'm able to show up is that I quit putting drugs and alcohol in my system. But once I got the drugs and alcohol out of my life I decided that I was going to enjoy the years that I had left. And because I had destroyed businesses and opportunities over and over again, I knew that I had to be disciplined about showing up every day - whether I felt like it or not. Showing up equates with hard work.
If you're an addict or alcoholic who hasn't done too much damage to your brain or your health and are willing to work you can enjoy whatever kind of life you choose. I know many addicts and alcoholics today who are outstanding successes in every way – financially, socially, with their families, and as members of their community.
But if you look behind the scenes you'll see that every one of them show up every day and do their best. And they are "lucky" because they work hard.
Click here to email John
Before I left yesterday, someone told me how lucky I was to be able to take vacations three or four times a year. And I agreed with them. I am lucky. Lucky to be sober for nearly 28 years. Lucky to have my family back in my life. Lucky to have started a recovery program 27 years ago that has spread clear across Arizona. Lucky to have my hands in several other small businesses.
But the reality is that there's more to it than that. While luck is definitely a component of many successful people's lives there is something else that people don't often recognize. And that's the fact that what many people call luck I call hard work and taking advantage of opportunities when they arise.
As Thomas Edison said: "Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work". And a truer statement was probably never made.
In my case, the success I enjoy is because I show up every day, whether I feel like it or not. The reason I'm able to show up is that I quit putting drugs and alcohol in my system. But once I got the drugs and alcohol out of my life I decided that I was going to enjoy the years that I had left. And because I had destroyed businesses and opportunities over and over again, I knew that I had to be disciplined about showing up every day - whether I felt like it or not. Showing up equates with hard work.
If you're an addict or alcoholic who hasn't done too much damage to your brain or your health and are willing to work you can enjoy whatever kind of life you choose. I know many addicts and alcoholics today who are outstanding successes in every way – financially, socially, with their families, and as members of their community.
But if you look behind the scenes you'll see that every one of them show up every day and do their best. And they are "lucky" because they work hard.
Click here to email John
Saturday, November 3, 2018
Angry Client
Last week I was in a conversation with an angry former client. She was so angry that her words came spewing out of the phone like hot lava out of a volcano. I had to put her call on speakerphone for fear of damaging my eardrums.
She was screaming so loud and so fast that I couldn't get a word in edgewise. And I really didn't even want to respond to her invective. All I wanted to do was ask her to take a deep breath and relax for a moment. But before I had a chance to say anything she ran out of steam and ended the call.
Unfortunately, this wasn't my first conversation with this former client. I'd spoken to her perhaps a week before and she was fairly pleasant. She claimed that I didn't know what was going on in our halfway houses, especially the woman's houses. She said they were overrun with rodents, cockroaches, and bedbugs. She said that several female clients have been rushed to the emergency room from the effects of bedbug bites and rodent droppings. She also claimed she'd been hospitalized for several days for serious after-effects from exposure to bedbugs and rodents. Before we were done talking I told her I would look into the matter and call her back.
When I asked the managers if any of what she said was true they said they didn't think so but that they would do a new inspection of the houses. The inspection resulted in the discovery of two dead bedbugs in one of the bed frames. And as we do in all such cases, our staff took the bedding to a heat room and let it sit in 140° temperature for a while. They also cleaned the room thoroughly and filled in any cracks where bedbugs might hide. And this is what they do in any situation where bedbugs are found.
In addition, Maricopa Environmental Services inspect our facilities regularly and generally give us passing marks at all our facilities. Plus, we have contracts with pest control companies that regularly inspect and document their treatments.
I'm not sure what this woman's problem is other than that maybe she has relapsed and is blaming it on our organization. Either that, or she might need to find a facility that could deal with her emotional issues and out of control rage.
Click here to email John
She was screaming so loud and so fast that I couldn't get a word in edgewise. And I really didn't even want to respond to her invective. All I wanted to do was ask her to take a deep breath and relax for a moment. But before I had a chance to say anything she ran out of steam and ended the call.
Unfortunately, this wasn't my first conversation with this former client. I'd spoken to her perhaps a week before and she was fairly pleasant. She claimed that I didn't know what was going on in our halfway houses, especially the woman's houses. She said they were overrun with rodents, cockroaches, and bedbugs. She said that several female clients have been rushed to the emergency room from the effects of bedbug bites and rodent droppings. She also claimed she'd been hospitalized for several days for serious after-effects from exposure to bedbugs and rodents. Before we were done talking I told her I would look into the matter and call her back.
When I asked the managers if any of what she said was true they said they didn't think so but that they would do a new inspection of the houses. The inspection resulted in the discovery of two dead bedbugs in one of the bed frames. And as we do in all such cases, our staff took the bedding to a heat room and let it sit in 140° temperature for a while. They also cleaned the room thoroughly and filled in any cracks where bedbugs might hide. And this is what they do in any situation where bedbugs are found.
In addition, Maricopa Environmental Services inspect our facilities regularly and generally give us passing marks at all our facilities. Plus, we have contracts with pest control companies that regularly inspect and document their treatments.
I'm not sure what this woman's problem is other than that maybe she has relapsed and is blaming it on our organization. Either that, or she might need to find a facility that could deal with her emotional issues and out of control rage.
Click here to email John
Wednesday, October 31, 2018
Needing a Job
The economy is really great right now, but for TLC it's a double-edged sword. Nearly anyone who wants a job can get one easily. There are signs posted everywhere, businesses looking for help.
But the problem it creates for our organization is that most of our staff comes from our population. We use very few outside professionals for anything. If we can do it ourselves we do it. Our peer counselors are drawn from our population. Those who staff our houses are clients who have been sober for a while and want to work in a safe environment. For them, it's not about the money. It's about staying clean and sober, something that many of them haven't had a lot of success at.
But some of our clients have the idea that if they can just get a job everything will be okay. And of course, work is an honorable endeavor in our society. When a client tells his family member or loved ones that he just needs to get back to work they usually will agree with him or her. In fact, they usually offer encouragement.
However, the truth is that 95% of those who come to us only have one problem: their drug or alcohol addiction. Drugs and alcohol made them homeless, put them in jail, got them fired from jobs, kicked out of their homes, and into all kinds of other messes. Yet, when they're with us for a while and start making a little money and return to health their problems with drugs and alcohol become a dim memory. They know that no one will fault them for getting a job and making some money. But unless they have a solid foundation of recovery behind them it's easy to backslide. And once again they find themselves at our doors asking for help.
The other part of the equation is that it becomes difficult for us to recruit staff members who will stay around for a while. Most of those working in key positions at the moment are here for their recovery because they realize that money is not their issue – in fact, that it can sometimes fuel their problems. If it wasn't for this core of people who are dedicated to their recovery our management problems would be even more difficult.
But the problem it creates for our organization is that most of our staff comes from our population. We use very few outside professionals for anything. If we can do it ourselves we do it. Our peer counselors are drawn from our population. Those who staff our houses are clients who have been sober for a while and want to work in a safe environment. For them, it's not about the money. It's about staying clean and sober, something that many of them haven't had a lot of success at.
But some of our clients have the idea that if they can just get a job everything will be okay. And of course, work is an honorable endeavor in our society. When a client tells his family member or loved ones that he just needs to get back to work they usually will agree with him or her. In fact, they usually offer encouragement.
However, the truth is that 95% of those who come to us only have one problem: their drug or alcohol addiction. Drugs and alcohol made them homeless, put them in jail, got them fired from jobs, kicked out of their homes, and into all kinds of other messes. Yet, when they're with us for a while and start making a little money and return to health their problems with drugs and alcohol become a dim memory. They know that no one will fault them for getting a job and making some money. But unless they have a solid foundation of recovery behind them it's easy to backslide. And once again they find themselves at our doors asking for help.
The other part of the equation is that it becomes difficult for us to recruit staff members who will stay around for a while. Most of those working in key positions at the moment are here for their recovery because they realize that money is not their issue – in fact, that it can sometimes fuel their problems. If it wasn't for this core of people who are dedicated to their recovery our management problems would be even more difficult.
Sunday, October 28, 2018
Addict Children
I don't think addicts truly understand the impact their addiction had on their parents until they find out that their own child is an addict.
Many of our clients, some of whom have been addicts for years, also have children who are now drug addicts or alcoholics. And when we first learn that our children are addicts it's kind of like a punch in the gut.
I was one of those parents. When I first learned that my son was using heroin it was a shock. But I don't know why. Because I knew that the only examples he had in his life were other drug addicts, including me. So when I heard that he was spending his money on drugs and losing everything I shouldn't have been surprised. The same when I discovered that my grandson was a heroin addict. I just looked at the examples he had in his life.
For many of us with addict children, I think it helps us to recommit to our recovery because we want to become an example to our children, to give them hope that they can also get clean and sober.
There are many of us at TLC who deal directly with the parents of the addicts who live with us. And I think the idea that some of us also have addict children makes us more empathetic with them. They know beyond a doubt that we understand pretty much how they feel about their situation when they learn that we are not only addicts - but the parents of addicts.
We can't turn back time and erase the damage we did to our loved ones by letting them witness our addictions. We can only be the best examples we can be today.
Click here to email John
Many of our clients, some of whom have been addicts for years, also have children who are now drug addicts or alcoholics. And when we first learn that our children are addicts it's kind of like a punch in the gut.
I was one of those parents. When I first learned that my son was using heroin it was a shock. But I don't know why. Because I knew that the only examples he had in his life were other drug addicts, including me. So when I heard that he was spending his money on drugs and losing everything I shouldn't have been surprised. The same when I discovered that my grandson was a heroin addict. I just looked at the examples he had in his life.
For many of us with addict children, I think it helps us to recommit to our recovery because we want to become an example to our children, to give them hope that they can also get clean and sober.
There are many of us at TLC who deal directly with the parents of the addicts who live with us. And I think the idea that some of us also have addict children makes us more empathetic with them. They know beyond a doubt that we understand pretty much how they feel about their situation when they learn that we are not only addicts - but the parents of addicts.
Click here to email John
Thursday, October 25, 2018
Being Grateful
It's never hard to find reasons to be grateful.
Last night, while driving home from the market, I passed a man who was struggling with about eight shopping carts he was navigating down the sidewalk. He'd take a couple of them at a time and move them ahead 20 or 30 feet, then go back and get a couple more and put them in line behind the ones he'd just moved.
And it wasn't like the carts were empty. Each was piled full of miscellaneous scraps of whatever: blankets, aluminum cans, pieces of wood, quite a bit of cardboard, and other things I couldn't quite identify. Whatever was in them must've been relatively heavy because it seemed like it was taking a lot of effort to move them.
As I drove on I wondered why he was collecting all of that stuff and what he was doing with it. Because being in the recovery business, I automatically default to the idea that he might be an alcoholic or an addict. With perhaps an overlay of some kind of mental illness.
Because the reality is, that anyone who is capable of putting that much effort into moving shopping carts full of junk around town is capable of working pretty hard. Someone who expends that kind of effort to collect a bunch of miscellaneous crap obviously has the energy to work a real job. Especially in today's economy. So I finally concluded that his problems were more mental than anything else.
And I was grateful that it wasn't me out there pushing shopping carts around. I was pleased that I found out almost 28 years ago that if I just quit drinking and shooting heroin and went to some meetings that my life would be great. Which it is.
While I never recommend that we play the comparison game, because we usually end up comparing ourselves with people with yachts and Learjet's, there are times when it is beneficial to realize that there are a lot of people who have problems much worse than the ones we face in dealing with our addictions.
Those of us in recovery have been rescued from ourselves and have found a solution. And if we use that solution in our daily lives we're not going to return to the way we once lived. Instead, we have guidelines that help us direct our behavior when we run into challenges and problems. Instead of turning to a drink or drug when we're facing challenges, we may call our sponsor or go to a meeting. And if we are serious about our lives it's just about that simple.
Click here to email John
Last night, while driving home from the market, I passed a man who was struggling with about eight shopping carts he was navigating down the sidewalk. He'd take a couple of them at a time and move them ahead 20 or 30 feet, then go back and get a couple more and put them in line behind the ones he'd just moved.
And it wasn't like the carts were empty. Each was piled full of miscellaneous scraps of whatever: blankets, aluminum cans, pieces of wood, quite a bit of cardboard, and other things I couldn't quite identify. Whatever was in them must've been relatively heavy because it seemed like it was taking a lot of effort to move them.
As I drove on I wondered why he was collecting all of that stuff and what he was doing with it. Because being in the recovery business, I automatically default to the idea that he might be an alcoholic or an addict. With perhaps an overlay of some kind of mental illness.
Because the reality is, that anyone who is capable of putting that much effort into moving shopping carts full of junk around town is capable of working pretty hard. Someone who expends that kind of effort to collect a bunch of miscellaneous crap obviously has the energy to work a real job. Especially in today's economy. So I finally concluded that his problems were more mental than anything else.
And I was grateful that it wasn't me out there pushing shopping carts around. I was pleased that I found out almost 28 years ago that if I just quit drinking and shooting heroin and went to some meetings that my life would be great. Which it is.
While I never recommend that we play the comparison game, because we usually end up comparing ourselves with people with yachts and Learjet's, there are times when it is beneficial to realize that there are a lot of people who have problems much worse than the ones we face in dealing with our addictions.
Those of us in recovery have been rescued from ourselves and have found a solution. And if we use that solution in our daily lives we're not going to return to the way we once lived. Instead, we have guidelines that help us direct our behavior when we run into challenges and problems. Instead of turning to a drink or drug when we're facing challenges, we may call our sponsor or go to a meeting. And if we are serious about our lives it's just about that simple.
Click here to email John
Monday, October 22, 2018
Winning the Lottery
A friend asked today if I was going to buy a lottery ticket. After all, he told me, it's now up to over a billion and a half dollars.
"No," I answered.
He looked at me as if he didn't understand why I was missing such a great opportunity. After all, he explained, this is probably the biggest lottery jackpot there's ever been.
The reality is, I told him, that I won the lottery over 27 years ago when I became sober. After all, only a small percentage of heroin addicts stay clean for nearly 28 years, as I have. To me, that's like winning the lottery. Because if I hadn't gotten clean I wouldn't be here today to talk about it.
For most addicts and alcoholics with long-term sobriety living a clean and sober life is the best thing that could ever happen. After all, many of us had some success in our life before we became addicts. Many of us had businesses, careers, homes, and more. Yet we traded it all to live in the insane world of addiction. The fact that we're alive today is a miracle in itself.
Then there's the flip side of winning the lottery. I read the other day that a person is more likely to be struck by lightning while bobsledding backward down Mount Everest than he is to win the lottery. And those who are mathematically inclined have calculated the odds of winning are millions to one. Whatever the odds, I've read many horror stories about lottery winners and how their lives got screwed up by the sudden influx of cash.
While a few are prudent and invested wisely, there's an abundance of stories of those who did otherwise. I read of one man who won $27 million and blew through half of it within a year. One woman who won the lottery twice in one year is now living in a trailer park on Social Security. Another man who won $5 million was almost killed by a hit man hired by his brother and sister-in-law, who planned to inherit the windfall. The horror stories go on and on about greed, poor investments, suicides, and reports from many winners that they wish they had never won because their lives were totally messed up from then on.
It takes more self-discipline than many of us have to live a balanced life when we have millions of dollars. It might be something nice to fantasize about but that kind of winnings would be simply exchanging one set of problems for another.
Click here to email John
"No," I answered.
He looked at me as if he didn't understand why I was missing such a great opportunity. After all, he explained, this is probably the biggest lottery jackpot there's ever been.
The reality is, I told him, that I won the lottery over 27 years ago when I became sober. After all, only a small percentage of heroin addicts stay clean for nearly 28 years, as I have. To me, that's like winning the lottery. Because if I hadn't gotten clean I wouldn't be here today to talk about it.
For most addicts and alcoholics with long-term sobriety living a clean and sober life is the best thing that could ever happen. After all, many of us had some success in our life before we became addicts. Many of us had businesses, careers, homes, and more. Yet we traded it all to live in the insane world of addiction. The fact that we're alive today is a miracle in itself.
Then there's the flip side of winning the lottery. I read the other day that a person is more likely to be struck by lightning while bobsledding backward down Mount Everest than he is to win the lottery. And those who are mathematically inclined have calculated the odds of winning are millions to one. Whatever the odds, I've read many horror stories about lottery winners and how their lives got screwed up by the sudden influx of cash.
While a few are prudent and invested wisely, there's an abundance of stories of those who did otherwise. I read of one man who won $27 million and blew through half of it within a year. One woman who won the lottery twice in one year is now living in a trailer park on Social Security. Another man who won $5 million was almost killed by a hit man hired by his brother and sister-in-law, who planned to inherit the windfall. The horror stories go on and on about greed, poor investments, suicides, and reports from many winners that they wish they had never won because their lives were totally messed up from then on.
It takes more self-discipline than many of us have to live a balanced life when we have millions of dollars. It might be something nice to fantasize about but that kind of winnings would be simply exchanging one set of problems for another.
Click here to email John
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