Communication is one of the most important parts of running a recovery operation.
This morning we had our monthly TLC business meeting and each of the 40 some participants were asked to submit five new ideas of how to improve TLC's operations. This is the first time we've had a meeting where all of the house managers got together in one room to exchange ideas about how to improve the program.
For over 25 years we've had monthly meetings. But the focus of those meetings was more on recovery and less on business. My contention is that we're supposed to take care of our recovery in 12 step meetings or with our sponsors. Because 80% of running a nonprofit corporation is about business and 20% is about the mission of helping addicts and alcoholics rebuild their lives. And our housing and business operations support our mission very well. But we can do more to help our recovering population if we run it in a more businesslike fashion.
For example, we often get into problems over simple things. Because we have some 70 parcels of property and around 900 residents we spend a lot of money and time on maintenance problems. A house manager may call for help with a leaky toilet or an air conditioning unit that's not functioning properly. He calls his supervisor, the district manager, who relays the information to our air-conditioning department or our maintenance people.
But many times – not always – a maintenance crew will arrive and address the problem then leave without telling the manager they completed the project. Perhaps the manager was off property running an errand, or else dealing with another issue on the property and was unaware that the maintenance people had even been there or if they fixed the problem.
As a solution, the manager of our maintenance people came up with a good answer: when a house manager needs something repaired or looked at, he submits a work order which gets passed up the chain of command to the chief operating officer. The chief operating officer sends a work order out to the appropriate department and thus creates a paper trail that describes the problem and how it was resolved. When the job is completed the house manager signs the invoice. Copies of work orders are then scanned into a database so that we have a history of the issues at each property.
While this may seem like a no-brainer or a simple thing for those who run large businesses, one must keep in mind that TLC from top to bottom is managed by addicts and alcoholics. And many of them have no experience with this type of organization. Or maybe they've never worked at all until they came to us.
Another thing in our managers often learn while they're volunteering at our houses is that dealing with addicts is not simple. But once again, I emphasize that it's all about communication.
Many of our clients show up from prison or off the streets and are frustrated and angry. Our natural impulse is to get angry in return. But the appropriate way to deal with an angry client is to simply listen. That often resolves the issue. But if it doesn't, and they continue to be angry or if they start to threaten our staff we usually ask them to leave. And if they don't, we tell them that we'll call the police and have them removed from the premises.
If we can deal with angry clients and calm them down before we get to this point, we save ourselves problems. On a few occasions, we've actually been involved in lawsuits because clients thought they were treated unfairly or that they were disrespected by a manager. And while we've never lost one of these lawsuits, we still went to the expense of hiring an attorney and sometimes spending months and weeks until we reach a resolution.
Communication is important in every realm of life but especially when we're dealing with people's lives and futures.
Click here to email John
Sunday, February 9, 2020
Thursday, February 6, 2020
Trusting the Untrustworthy
On more than one occasion we’ve had managers steal from us.
Some have stolen money, others have taken vehicles. And a few have stolen both. Then they leave, they relapse, and either end up walking a prison yard or living on the streets.
Perhaps the core of our philosophy here at TLC is that we trust some of the most untrustworthy people on the planet. Clients show up at our program from all kinds of places: prisons, the streets, hospitals, from other states, from detoxification units, from police departments, hospitals and so on.
The things that most all of them have in common is that 95% are homeless, jobless, and without money. Yet we give them credit and welcome them as long as they're not arsonists or sex offenders.
And as far as letting them back in if they rip us off, well that's just what addicts and alcoholics do. Until they get sober they take from everyone around them in some form or another. And that's why I believe in giving addicts and alcoholics second chances – because people gave me chances over and over until I finally got it right.
And once I did get it right I'm able to enjoy the wonderful life I have today. All the Promises have come true.
Click here to email John
Some have stolen money, others have taken vehicles. And a few have stolen both. Then they leave, they relapse, and either end up walking a prison yard or living on the streets.
And yet, even though they’ve done us wrong, we’ve allowed them to return to TLC when they show up asking for help.
And I’ve had people question my sanity because I’ve allowed them back. And sometimes I question my own sanity. But then I reflect hat a lot of people gave me more than one chance even though I let them down multiple times. Of course, when we let them back in they don't start out with a job where they handle money or other valuable assets, such as vehicles. They have to start at the bottom and work their way back into our confidence.
And, believe it or not, we actually had two clients who ripped us off a second time – and we gave them a second chance. And they didn't let us down. In fact, one of them is still with us and in a position where he handles large sums of money. The other one stayed a few years, then left and started his own recovery program. Sadly, he was murdered one night while collecting service fees from his clients.
All those who did us wrong and came back and made their amends to TLC are now sober for several years.
And I’ve had people question my sanity because I’ve allowed them back. And sometimes I question my own sanity. But then I reflect hat a lot of people gave me more than one chance even though I let them down multiple times. Of course, when we let them back in they don't start out with a job where they handle money or other valuable assets, such as vehicles. They have to start at the bottom and work their way back into our confidence.
And, believe it or not, we actually had two clients who ripped us off a second time – and we gave them a second chance. And they didn't let us down. In fact, one of them is still with us and in a position where he handles large sums of money. The other one stayed a few years, then left and started his own recovery program. Sadly, he was murdered one night while collecting service fees from his clients.
All those who did us wrong and came back and made their amends to TLC are now sober for several years.
Perhaps the core of our philosophy here at TLC is that we trust some of the most untrustworthy people on the planet. Clients show up at our program from all kinds of places: prisons, the streets, hospitals, from other states, from detoxification units, from police departments, hospitals and so on.
The things that most all of them have in common is that 95% are homeless, jobless, and without money. Yet we give them credit and welcome them as long as they're not arsonists or sex offenders.
And as far as letting them back in if they rip us off, well that's just what addicts and alcoholics do. Until they get sober they take from everyone around them in some form or another. And that's why I believe in giving addicts and alcoholics second chances – because people gave me chances over and over until I finally got it right.
And once I did get it right I'm able to enjoy the wonderful life I have today. All the Promises have come true.
Click here to email John
Monday, February 3, 2020
Change
When our clients complain about the obstacles in their lives I give them some wisdom I was given a long time ago. And that wisdom is simply this: all we can count on in life is change.
And sometimes change is good. And sometimes it's not so good. But regardless, it's the one constant in our lives that we can depend on. And, I believe, change is mostly a good thing.
This topic came up for me today because someone was complaining about their iPhone 7, about how poorly it performed compared to the latest models of iPhones. That's when I pulled out a bit of trivia that I use when people have luxury issues like which iPhone or iPad or other gadget is the best.
I tell them about when I was a child back in the nineteen forties when we didn't even have a telephone in the house. In fact, the only thing we had that could be called technology was a radio. And what came out of it was pretty limited and scratchy. Yet that radio was the latest technology. I remember that the family used to listen to boxing matches, ballgames, the Amos and Andy show, fibber McGee and Molly, the Falcon, Family Theater and the news. Of course there were other offerings. But those are the ones I remember.
Television hadn't been invented yet, it didn't come along until around the nineteen fifties and it was the most amazing thing to hit the neighborhood I lived in. The first families to own one were very popular. And it was not uncommon for them to have a living room full of visitors watching a little tiny box with a black and white screen and a very limited program selection. And, of course, today it's not unusual for someone to have a television screen that covers half of the wall.
And change keeps marching on. The other day I was surprised to hear some teenagers talking about Facebook being a site for old people, that they had other types of social media that they preferred over Facebook. And me? I never have had a Facebook page nor am I interested in getting one. I realize that I'm really out of the loop when it comes to social media, because I'm too busy as it is to keep updating information that's read by people that I mostly don't even know.
So how does all this relate to recovery? I think that if we can accept that change is inevitable, then we aren't surprised when bad things happen in our lives. Nor are we surprised when good things occur in our lives. And when we can accept change and wrap our heads around it then we're not so likely to react negatively and revert to using drugs or alcohol.
Change is on the march toward all of us. People will leave our lives unexpectedly. We may get our dream job. We may even hit the lottery, though that's a big maybe. We'll find ourselves growing older every day no matter what kind of exercise we do nor what kind of vitamins we take. But if we can expect change and learn to welcome it, life will run much smoother and our recovery will be much more solid.
Click here to email John
And sometimes change is good. And sometimes it's not so good. But regardless, it's the one constant in our lives that we can depend on. And, I believe, change is mostly a good thing.
This topic came up for me today because someone was complaining about their iPhone 7, about how poorly it performed compared to the latest models of iPhones. That's when I pulled out a bit of trivia that I use when people have luxury issues like which iPhone or iPad or other gadget is the best.
I tell them about when I was a child back in the nineteen forties when we didn't even have a telephone in the house. In fact, the only thing we had that could be called technology was a radio. And what came out of it was pretty limited and scratchy. Yet that radio was the latest technology. I remember that the family used to listen to boxing matches, ballgames, the Amos and Andy show, fibber McGee and Molly, the Falcon, Family Theater and the news. Of course there were other offerings. But those are the ones I remember.
Television hadn't been invented yet, it didn't come along until around the nineteen fifties and it was the most amazing thing to hit the neighborhood I lived in. The first families to own one were very popular. And it was not uncommon for them to have a living room full of visitors watching a little tiny box with a black and white screen and a very limited program selection. And, of course, today it's not unusual for someone to have a television screen that covers half of the wall.
And change keeps marching on. The other day I was surprised to hear some teenagers talking about Facebook being a site for old people, that they had other types of social media that they preferred over Facebook. And me? I never have had a Facebook page nor am I interested in getting one. I realize that I'm really out of the loop when it comes to social media, because I'm too busy as it is to keep updating information that's read by people that I mostly don't even know.
So how does all this relate to recovery? I think that if we can accept that change is inevitable, then we aren't surprised when bad things happen in our lives. Nor are we surprised when good things occur in our lives. And when we can accept change and wrap our heads around it then we're not so likely to react negatively and revert to using drugs or alcohol.
Change is on the march toward all of us. People will leave our lives unexpectedly. We may get our dream job. We may even hit the lottery, though that's a big maybe. We'll find ourselves growing older every day no matter what kind of exercise we do nor what kind of vitamins we take. But if we can expect change and learn to welcome it, life will run much smoother and our recovery will be much more solid.
Click here to email John
Friday, January 31, 2020
Gratitude Heals
I was talking to a recovering client today who told me that she always went back to using drugs or alcohol because she was depressed.
I asked her to tell me about her depression. Had she been suffering from it for a long time? Was there ever a time when she was happy and positive? In her memory, what was the happiest period of her life?
She said that there had been periods when she was happy. But then the happiness seemed to become normal and ordinary and then her depression would creep back. And she would be off to the liquor store or dope house.
I decided to offer her some suggestions about how to have conversations with herself that would put her life into a more positive trajectory.
Many times people grow up with unrealistic expectations about how life should be. We go to school, get good grades, graduate and expect to land a dream job. But for many people, that scenario doesn't play out.
Instead, they find that it's a tough, competitive job market out there. And that they're just another face filling out applications. In fact, I often read about college graduates in their thirties still living with their parents because they haven't found a career opportunity in spite of having graduated in the top half of their class.
In this woman's case, she'd been divorced once, was raising a child by herself, and had been successful as a professional person who made a good salary. For a period of time, she had a nice home and car but eventually, drugs and alcohol caused her to lose everything. Plus the state had taken custody of her child until she could prove that she could live a sober life. Which is why she was with us.
I gave her this prescription which I found has helped me and some of our clients to get over bouts of depression. And no, it's not a pill. However, it does require a minimal amount of work. And it goes like this: every morning when you wake up write down five things that you are grateful for.
You might think as you read this that you're not grateful for anything. And that may be true. In fact, the woman who is the subject of this blog asked me what she had to be grateful for. Here she is trapped in this recovery program. She doesn't have her child with her. Her family is angry at her. She doesn't have a car. She's in a minimum wage job at a fast-food restaurant. She's back at the bottom again.
So I asked her to reframe her thinking and stop looking at what she didn't have. Instead, perhaps she should focus on what she did have. And by the look on her face, I could see that I hadn't really reached her. So I continued, asking her why she couldn't see the positive side of her situation right now.
First of all, she is in a safe place where she can focus on her recovery and her psychological issues. Her child is in safe hands. She has a chance to regain custody of her child when she graduates from our program and finds a job and a place to live. She has her freedom, which many addicts have lost because of the crimes they committed while they were using. She is still relatively young and healthy. Her parents are beginning to talk to her again because they see that she's trying to help herself. She's making a few sober friends.
I asked her to start writing a gratitude list every morning for a week, then come back to me with what she had written. She halfheartedly agreed to do it and I told her I was looking forward to see what she came up with.
Many times in life we addicts have a lot of false expectations about how life should be. And therein lies the problem. Because life, if we live it on a daily basis, is an up and down proposition. Everyone on the planet has good days and bad days - some more than others. But if we can develop the perspective that this is just the way life is then we develop resilience and can bounce back much faster when we fall into moments of depression. Any time I start falling into depression I look around me and find someone who's life is a much bigger mess than mine or who is much less fortunate than I. And when I do that I immediately get back on track.
I asked her to tell me about her depression. Had she been suffering from it for a long time? Was there ever a time when she was happy and positive? In her memory, what was the happiest period of her life?
She said that there had been periods when she was happy. But then the happiness seemed to become normal and ordinary and then her depression would creep back. And she would be off to the liquor store or dope house.
I decided to offer her some suggestions about how to have conversations with herself that would put her life into a more positive trajectory.
Many times people grow up with unrealistic expectations about how life should be. We go to school, get good grades, graduate and expect to land a dream job. But for many people, that scenario doesn't play out.
Instead, they find that it's a tough, competitive job market out there. And that they're just another face filling out applications. In fact, I often read about college graduates in their thirties still living with their parents because they haven't found a career opportunity in spite of having graduated in the top half of their class.
In this woman's case, she'd been divorced once, was raising a child by herself, and had been successful as a professional person who made a good salary. For a period of time, she had a nice home and car but eventually, drugs and alcohol caused her to lose everything. Plus the state had taken custody of her child until she could prove that she could live a sober life. Which is why she was with us.
I gave her this prescription which I found has helped me and some of our clients to get over bouts of depression. And no, it's not a pill. However, it does require a minimal amount of work. And it goes like this: every morning when you wake up write down five things that you are grateful for.
You might think as you read this that you're not grateful for anything. And that may be true. In fact, the woman who is the subject of this blog asked me what she had to be grateful for. Here she is trapped in this recovery program. She doesn't have her child with her. Her family is angry at her. She doesn't have a car. She's in a minimum wage job at a fast-food restaurant. She's back at the bottom again.
So I asked her to reframe her thinking and stop looking at what she didn't have. Instead, perhaps she should focus on what she did have. And by the look on her face, I could see that I hadn't really reached her. So I continued, asking her why she couldn't see the positive side of her situation right now.
First of all, she is in a safe place where she can focus on her recovery and her psychological issues. Her child is in safe hands. She has a chance to regain custody of her child when she graduates from our program and finds a job and a place to live. She has her freedom, which many addicts have lost because of the crimes they committed while they were using. She is still relatively young and healthy. Her parents are beginning to talk to her again because they see that she's trying to help herself. She's making a few sober friends.
I asked her to start writing a gratitude list every morning for a week, then come back to me with what she had written. She halfheartedly agreed to do it and I told her I was looking forward to see what she came up with.
Many times in life we addicts have a lot of false expectations about how life should be. And therein lies the problem. Because life, if we live it on a daily basis, is an up and down proposition. Everyone on the planet has good days and bad days - some more than others. But if we can develop the perspective that this is just the way life is then we develop resilience and can bounce back much faster when we fall into moments of depression. Any time I start falling into depression I look around me and find someone who's life is a much bigger mess than mine or who is much less fortunate than I. And when I do that I immediately get back on track.
Tuesday, January 28, 2020
Tough Love
A woman sent me an email the other day about her father, a man in his seventies, who had relapsed and started using drugs again.
She wrote that she and her husband had given him an ultimatum: that they would no longer communicate with him or be in his life until he sought help.
By the tone of her email I could tell that she was quite distressed by having to take that position with her father, who isn't in the best of health.
But in my opinion, that's the most loving thing she could have done for her father – to try to help him salvage the remaining years of his life and live them in health and sobriety. I've never met this lady and admire her courage, because somewhere along the way she has learned tough love and has put it into action. Even though he hasn't asked her for money or for financial help, she doesn't want to socialize with him while he's under the influence of whatever poison is putting in his body.
She's a rare species. Because most family members I deal with are seeking some kind of magic potion that will instantly cure their loved ones without having to do anything painful to them.
She wrote that she and her husband had given him an ultimatum: that they would no longer communicate with him or be in his life until he sought help.
By the tone of her email I could tell that she was quite distressed by having to take that position with her father, who isn't in the best of health.
But in my opinion, that's the most loving thing she could have done for her father – to try to help him salvage the remaining years of his life and live them in health and sobriety. I've never met this lady and admire her courage, because somewhere along the way she has learned tough love and has put it into action. Even though he hasn't asked her for money or for financial help, she doesn't want to socialize with him while he's under the influence of whatever poison is putting in his body.
She's a rare species. Because most family members I deal with are seeking some kind of magic potion that will instantly cure their loved ones without having to do anything painful to them.
But this woman apparently understands that we addicts will use anyone we can to get whatever we want as long as we are in the middle of our disease. We will lie to our children, our wives, our parents, anyone we can take advantage of. We will steal from our employers, strangers, or anyone else who leaves themselves vulnerable to us. We will risk our health, our freedom or sanity for that temporary rush of euphoria that our drug of choice brings us.
And the best way to help someone who is caught up in addiction is exactly what this woman did. She and her husband got together and presented a united front by taking a position with someone dear to them. Because they realize that the father has the choice.
And the best way to help someone who is caught up in addiction is exactly what this woman did. She and her husband got together and presented a united front by taking a position with someone dear to them. Because they realize that the father has the choice.
Sunday, January 26, 2020
Finding What Works
Sometimes we have residents who come to TLC's halfway houses more than once. But if they're not committed to recovery they often relapse and leave. I sometimes run into these clients months later and ask them what happened.
And usually, they'll say something like "Oh, the program just didn't work for me."
But when I try to explore it with them and ask them to get more specific the answers I get are usually pretty vague. They might talk about the fact that everyone there was an addict. And there were no professional counselors. They might say they didn't like to get up at 4 o'clock in the morning to go to work. They might say something about they didn't like the living conditions. Or, they will bring up some incident that happened between them and one of the managers where they felt they were being disrespected. The answers I get cover the entire spectrum of excuses anyone can come up with.
However, the reality is that most any recovery environment will work if we're willing to put in the effort to do the program. There are literally hundreds of recovery programs in Arizona, particularly in the metropolitan areas. And if a person is serious about changing their life they could do it at any one of these. Some are religious in nature, some are work programs, some are live-in treatment programs, some are mom-and-pop operations and others are parts of nationwide corporations. My point is that there are a lot of choices.
While my preference is that they come to TLC, if they have a problem with us I can help them find somewhere else they might find more suitable
The real thing is to get sober and clean - no matter how or where we do it.
Click here to email John
And usually, they'll say something like "Oh, the program just didn't work for me."
But when I try to explore it with them and ask them to get more specific the answers I get are usually pretty vague. They might talk about the fact that everyone there was an addict. And there were no professional counselors. They might say they didn't like to get up at 4 o'clock in the morning to go to work. They might say something about they didn't like the living conditions. Or, they will bring up some incident that happened between them and one of the managers where they felt they were being disrespected. The answers I get cover the entire spectrum of excuses anyone can come up with.
However, the reality is that most any recovery environment will work if we're willing to put in the effort to do the program. There are literally hundreds of recovery programs in Arizona, particularly in the metropolitan areas. And if a person is serious about changing their life they could do it at any one of these. Some are religious in nature, some are work programs, some are live-in treatment programs, some are mom-and-pop operations and others are parts of nationwide corporations. My point is that there are a lot of choices.
While my preference is that they come to TLC, if they have a problem with us I can help them find somewhere else they might find more suitable
The real thing is to get sober and clean - no matter how or where we do it.
Click here to email John
Thursday, January 23, 2020
Remembering Bill W.
Back in 1992, when TLC first opened on Robson Street in Mesa, we had a resident named Bill W. He arrived during the first few months we were open and passed away suddenly about 17 years later.
I was reminded of his death yesterday when his sister Jane wrote to thank us for all the help we gave him during the time he was with us.
Like many of our residents, Bill had done time in state prison on more than one occasion and was a serious substance abuser. He had a few psychological problems, which required that he take heavy medications to control his behavior. I'm not sure if he was schizoaffective or bipolar, but as my memory serves me he was one or the other. His medication worked most of the time but periodically he would have to see his psychiatrist and the prescription that he was on would be adjusted.
I never realized how serious his mental issues were until during January of one year he called to make an appointment with his psychiatrist. He had been going through a period of depression that was almost visible, kind of like he had a black cloud above his head. However, he was unable to get an appointment until the following June, nearly 6 months away. We didn't know what to do because his depression sometimes left him in tears and unable to focus. However, within about two hours the psychiatrist called back and said that in his case they could see him that same day. That's when we realized the extent of his illness.
Bill was quiet, had a sense of humor, and was a volunteer for us all of the time he was at TLC, from 1992 when he arrived until his death 11 years ago. He was a bright guy, who taught himself how to network computers and managed the office for us for the entire time he stayed with us.
We still miss him. May he rest in peace.
Click here to email John schwary@msn.com
I was reminded of his death yesterday when his sister Jane wrote to thank us for all the help we gave him during the time he was with us.
Like many of our residents, Bill had done time in state prison on more than one occasion and was a serious substance abuser. He had a few psychological problems, which required that he take heavy medications to control his behavior. I'm not sure if he was schizoaffective or bipolar, but as my memory serves me he was one or the other. His medication worked most of the time but periodically he would have to see his psychiatrist and the prescription that he was on would be adjusted.
I never realized how serious his mental issues were until during January of one year he called to make an appointment with his psychiatrist. He had been going through a period of depression that was almost visible, kind of like he had a black cloud above his head. However, he was unable to get an appointment until the following June, nearly 6 months away. We didn't know what to do because his depression sometimes left him in tears and unable to focus. However, within about two hours the psychiatrist called back and said that in his case they could see him that same day. That's when we realized the extent of his illness.
Bill was quiet, had a sense of humor, and was a volunteer for us all of the time he was at TLC, from 1992 when he arrived until his death 11 years ago. He was a bright guy, who taught himself how to network computers and managed the office for us for the entire time he stayed with us.
We still miss him. May he rest in peace.
Click here to email John schwary@msn.com
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