Needing a Drink

When I stopped at Circle K for my morning coffee there was a disheveled, bearded man who appeared to be sleeping on the sidewalk next to the building.  As I left my car and started into the store, though, he opened one eye and asked if I had any change.

Not now, I told him.  But that I might have some when I come out of the store.  When I came back he was waiting expectantly, but the only change I had was a five dollar bill.  After wrestling with myself for a minute I decided to give it to him.  After all, he looked like he was hurting and could use a drink.  And that five dollar bill might get him a small bottle of Vodka, enough to at least carry him for a couple of hours.

While I rarely bummed money for a drink because it was faster to steal it, I certainly could relate to what he was going through.  Because there was a period of my life when I was never far from a bottle.  Even when I was using heroin I always had a beer or other beverage close by.

I felt some pity for the man because help is available.  There are programs that will take him in right away - whether he has money or not.  But 30 years of experience working with alcoholics has taught me that until an alcoholic or addict has had enough pain and suffering they won't quit.  When life becomes miserable then we stop - unless we die first.

As I drove away I had a moment of gratitude.  Because, had I not reached a point of pain that had become intolerable I might have found myself panhandling outside a convenience store instead of living sober for over 30 years.

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The Power of Mindfulness

Many of us don't understand the power of mindfulness.  However, if we learn and practice it we can lead a satisfactory and productive life.  Maybe we can even stay sober.

Mindfulness means living in the present moment, immersing ourselves in this second - which is all we really have.  Each second of our life is more valuable than a gold coin for the simple fact that time is one thing we never get more of.  If we don't live in this moment then we've wasted something invaluable and irreplaceable.

How many times have you heard the term "I was completely out of my mind" or "or that stuff was so good it got me completely out of mind"

Some of us take drugs or alcohol because the present reality is so painful that we escape into a chemical haze so we don't have to feel what we're feeling.  If we continue to live our lives this way we find that we've thrown away large chunks of precious time, time that can never be reproduced or replaced.

"But," you might respond, "sometimes I can't deal with reality.  I need something to cover the pain of my broken heart, my lost fortune, my failure in school." There is an answer though.  And the more we practice it the more powerful of a tool it becomes.

And that answer is to learn to practice mindfulness or its close cousin, meditation.  

Instead of running from the reality of our pain, we mindfully face it, like facing a bully that is trying to control our lives.

If it could be summoned up in one word, that word would be acceptance.  If we stand up and accept what is going on in our lives we become stronger.  We always accept what is going on in our lives.  And we do this by telling ourselves that whatever's happening right this moment is perfect, it's exactly the way the universe is supposed to be.  If we characterize something as painful or insufferable then that's the effect it will have on us.

A good technique to overcome our perceived pain or unhappiness is to look about us. All over the world there are people who are starving, suffering from disease, or lack of clean water to drink.  So many others live lives of suffering from malnutrition or lack housing.  If we look at  the world from this perspective all of sudden we find gratitude in whatever we have.

If we live our lives in this moment - and accept it as perfect - we find a perfect world.

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Sprituality vs. Religion

Most alcoholics are a contrary bunch and often don't agree with one another.  A good example of that is when the the topics of spirituality and religion comes up.

Many members said they nearly didn't get into the 12 step programs because they believed it was a religion or even a cult.  The Oxford Dictionary defines spirituality as:

1. "The quality of being concerned with the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things.

   This shift in priorities allows us to embrace our spirituality in a more profound way."  
   

When many of us came into the program a lot of what we focused on was a plan to get "our stuff" back.

Most of us had nothing when we arrived.  We'd lost our car, our jobs, our wives and other family members.  We were suffering and at the bottom rung of the ladder.  

No one respected us any more, often to the point of even wanting to talk to or associate with us.  The reason we stayed with AA or other 12 step programs is because no one tried to pump us full of dogma or tell us we should believe in mythological or spiritual beings that supposedly existed ages ago and sent us instructions about how to live or believe today.  

No one told us we were going to hell.  And most of us understood hell because our lives before we became sober was a hell on earth.

 Now please don't think that I'm anti-religion.  Because some religions do much good in their communities.  What I take exception to is when a church teaches that if you don't follow their dogma to the letter then you don't have much chance in the afterlife.  That you're only good if you do things the way they teach them.

In AA, in our home group, we seldom discuss religion as a subject, though we do say the Lord's Prayer at the closing of the meeting.

I personally like the Oxford dictionary definition of spirituality because I can choose a higher power and better way of life.  It's easy to be kind and generous and compassionate.  And if one regularly practices some version of these things their life may become better.

I believe in a higher power but I can't define it.  I do believe that the stars in the sky didn't just magically appear all of sudden and that the cycles of  life on our planet probably didn't create themselves.  There's a force behind all of our lives that I don't understand - but it's more powerful than all of us.

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Heartwarming

Nothing warms my heart more than when someone has finally grasped the concepts of sobriety.  And it's even better when I've known the person for most of her life.

The other day I overheard someone talking about a young woman at TLC who's from a city not far from Mesa.  She was telling someone she didn't want to return to her hometown because she knew all the addicts who lived there,  Since coming to TLC she'd come to realize that being around other active users, particularly ones she knew, was dangerous for her.  That she might be tempted to relapse.

It's heartwarming because this person has been in treatment before.  But when she returned home after graduating  other programs she usually ended relapsing within a short time.

That seemingly simple realization is a big step for someone who's been addicted since she was in her early teens.  But she fortunately has broken through the lies that we addicts tell ourselves:  that one pill or fix or drink won't hut us, that we have control over this powerful and deceptive disease.

Here at TLC we look at our addictions as a life and death disease.  Those of us who are serious about recovery also have that realization and we absorb all the knowledge we can about our disease so that we can recognize when we're heading into relapse because we have the wrong attitude.

I'm so proud of this young woman.

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Christmas Tree Sale!

Each year for the past 20 years TLC volunteers have been selling Christmas trees on various street corners around the valley.  

This year, because much of the Pacific Northwest was on fire for several months, we weren't sure we would be able to secure enough trees to make it worthwhile to try to sell them.  Some of our sources had lost their inventories to the wildfires.  And many of those who had trees were charging too much to make it worthwhile to try to sell them.

However, this year we got lucky again.  One of our longtime suppliers - out of Oregon - works with us each year and supplies trees at a lot he owns at 3889 W. Bethany Home road in Phoenix.   

He sold us some 2000 trees, including Douglas, Noble, Grand Firs and Nordmans of all sizes.  Prices range from $45.00 to $250.00, depending on size.  We also flock trees for $10.00 a foot.

100% of the funds raised by this project will be used - after labor and cost of trees - to provide Christmas meals, housing, toys and other benefits to formerly homeless addicts who are now in recovery from substance abuse.

Early arrivals will find the best selections.  And they will be helping recovering addicts on their paths to a better life.  If you have questions you can reach our lot supervisor at 602-348-6102.

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Learning a Trade

Over the past 30 years we've had many addicts come into TLC with just the clothes on their backs.  Most of them have no money, no jobs, no cars. Nothing.  No trade skills.  No job references.

But because they have suffered through homelessness, hunger, and sometimes even prison, they are grateful to have a roof over their head, a bed, and three meals a day.  They become very grateful.  And they express their gratitude by volunteering for various positions around the program.

Some become drivers.  Some work night security.  Others become maintenance men.  Some volunteer as cooks or house managers.  And those who stick around for four or five years often end up buying an automobile and a house and start living like so-called "normal" citizens.

Then we have those who - after they graduate - become employees and start making a salary comparable to what they could make in the private sector.  Most of these employees stay on track and do their jobs and are happy to be sober and show it by their behavior.  

Others leave the program and start their own their own businesses.  One early graduate moved out of state and earns around $150,000 a year as a painting contractor.  Another resident who was with us in the mid-nineties sent me a video of him receiving a Doctorate Degree in Business.  Others have volunteered at TLC as roofers, carpenters, tile layers, and maintenance men and moved on and found permanent positions outside the program.

Their success has inspired us start making plans to add a formal trade school component to our program.  We have enough skilled supervisors who are willing to pass their skills on to clients.  We simply have to figure out how we're going to fund it, how long we'll train them, etc.  We expect to get this program working sometime after the first of the year, perhaps in late January.

Stay tuned.

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Around the Holidays

Thanksgiving at a treatment program like TLC always creates more work for the staff.

First of all the managers of the various houses have to start planning at least a month ahead, gathering turkeys, hams, and the side dishes to fix dinner for their residents.  While we normally provide three meals a day, we make every effort to go above and beyond on holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter.

Fortunately, we always have a few residents who jump in and help on the holidays, and we always have volunteers who help take some of the burden off of the kitchen staff.

Most of our residents are homeless when they arrive or else have been released to us from a prison term.  The majority of them are grateful for having a roof over their head and food on the table. 

At this time of year I like to recognize and express gratitude to our food banks and other businesses that donate food and supplies so that our residents can enjoy the holidays.

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