Still the Same

I seem to have the ability to get into relations with volatile women who have issues with anger and control.  In fact, that seems to be the case nearly every time I find myself in a relationship that ends suddenly over something seemingly minor.  And it happened to me again this past week.

The woman I was with has always feared and hated two of my daughters.  And hated them to the point that she once ended up in jail and on probation for threatening one of them with a butcher knife.  Her excuse to me was that my daughter had always been threatening her - practically since our first date.  And while I may not be the brightest bulb in the box - plus I wear trifocals - I never witnessed one threat over a ten year period.

But the reality - in my opinion - is that people who attribute emotions to to others where they don't exist have serious emotional issues that they themselves can't control.  And I think that's the situation in this case.

The sad part about this situation is that this woman has several college degrees, is extremely attractive and has everything it takes to succeed in life.  The question is will she ever be able to fix herself?

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Gratitude

Gratitude is one of the pillars of an enjoyable life.  Being ungrateful breeds unhappiness.  And having worked with recovering addicts and alcoholics for 33 years I believe that being ungrateful for what we have now opens the door to addiction to substances.

Many clients think that life would be perfect if they just had enough money, cars, girlfriends, vacations, or houses.  In other words - more stuff.  So, enough stuff would make me feel good.  But when they get enough stuff they learn than "enough" is a relative term.  As soon as we get a dose of what we want we find that it also is another empty fantasy.

If you say that you have nothing to be grateful for then you don't watch the news or follow the stories on the internet about what's going on in the world.  Wars in multiple countries.  Cannibalism in Haiti.  Thousands of homeless living on the streets of our largest cities.  My point is that we simply have to look around us and find many reasons for gratitude.

Look around and see that you have much more than most others:  that's gratitude.

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Back at AA

I finally did something I haven't done since I joined the program 33 years ago;  I went for weeks        without attending a meeting.  And why would I give up the lifeline that rescued me from the very misery that nearly destroyed my life?  

Simple.  I'd had an accident while working out and fractured my right foot  - causing the doctor to fit me with at boot that confined my to my home since the first week of December.  While that doesn't seem like very long, maybe you should give it a try sometime.  At first I didn't think it would be a big deal.  Plenty of time to catch up on my reading.  Lots of time to binge watch movies.  Plenty of time to hang out on the web.

But let me tell you something; when you're a physically active person just hanging around the house gets boring real fast. While I  got a lot of support from AA friends and my sponsor  there's nothing like spending time at meetings fellow - shipping with those I got sober with.

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Enjoying Work

I finally spent a full day at work after having been under medical care for nearly four months. The broken foot I suffered December third had prevented me from getting to my upstairs office. My doctor made me wear a boot that prevented me from going to the second floor of the non-profit where I work - one that that doesn't have funds for elevators,

We finally got around the problem by moving my office downstairs until my foot completely heals.  And what a joy it was too get back!  Not that we got any work done, but did some catching up on business.

During my time away I found myself falling into bouts of depression.  While we were able to work remotely, there's nothing like working alongside my companions in recovery.

That's why I don't look at the work I do as a job.  Instead, I look at it as an avocation that helps me and others help people on the path of recovery.  Totally immerse yourself in your work, in your mission, and you'll never work a day in  your life.

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Patience a Virtue?

When I broke my right foot during the first six days of my vacation to Mexico last December 3, I decided I'd try to look at the positive side of the situation.  After all, I'd have plenty of time to catch up on several audio books I'd been meaning to finish.  Movies I'd been wanting to catch up on  Puzzles I'd been wanting to been wanting to unravel,  However, it didn't work out that way.

Why didn't things go as I'd envisioned?  One of the the things I didn't factor in was doctors'  appointments.  Nor did I consider that I might get sick from something else.  Which I did; three weeks after I broke my foot, I spent six days in the hospital with a urinary tract infection.  And after being released from the hospital I came down with a 10 day case of the flu.  And a week after that I had a pacemaker implanted into my heart.  It seemed to go on and on.  I was starting to lose patience with everything and everyone - even though people were going out of their way to be helpful and pleasant to make my life easy as possible.  It seemed the more patience I tried to practice the more I needed,

Was this a test from the Universe?  Am I that important?  I don't think so.  I think - as I often say here is that life just happens.  And we must accept it as it comes,  And  now that's what I'm trying to do.

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Helping Newcomers

Many addicts  come into recovery and gravitate toward helping other addicts begin the walk toward recovery.  Some of them become very enthusiastic about becoming a mentor, or counselor or someone others can lean when times are emotionally challenging.

I used to discourage this behaviour at first.  I asked what does a newcomer know about recovery?  What kind of wisdom does he/she have to impart?  Maybe some drama.  But something of real value? something with a valuable lesson?  Probably not.  But then I changed my mind.

I changed it because I realized that sometimes raw experience is the best kind of  knowledge.  If I can tell you of a first hand experience it might have some real value in your life.  Vicarious  experience - the experience we learn from others- that's the kind of knowledge that's valuable because someone's experienced it first hand.  

And what could be more real than that?

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Helping the Homeless

 Out of the 800+ clients that we have at TLC, probably 90% of them have been homeless at one time or other.  When drugs and alcohol are your priority a person doesn't have money for housing and food and the privilege of living indoors.

I bring this up today because once a month TLC has a business meeting. And today, after our meeting, the entire group, made up of about 35 staff members and managers, got into their vehicles and delivered food and bottles of water to the homeless.  Part of this was a way of giving back to others who were in the same situation we were in at one time, and the other part was to give those people an opportunity to come to TLC where  they would have the opportunity to change their lives.

All in all it was a very successful run and everywhere we stopped we passed out bags of food and water and it disappeared within minutes.

On the way home, those in our truck discussed what a lesson in gratitude it was to be able to do what we did. So many people – not just us addicts and alcoholics – take for granted the many blessings we have in our life. We all take for granted the idea that we have food to eat each day. That we have cold water.  A job to go to.  A place to take a shower and wash our clothes – the basic necessities of life.  But the people we saw today were so grateful for the tidbits that we handed them that it was almost overwhelming.

I'm not writing this to advocate that being homeless is a good thing, because it's not.  A lot of political people and others get into debates about why people are homeless, or why we should help the homeless, or that the homeless are lazy, or that they are drug addicts. I only write this to say that we should have enough compassion for our fellow human beings to help them on whatever level we can. None of us know the stories of how these people ended up homeless.  It may be true that they are drug addicts.  It may be true that they are lazy.  Perhaps they have mental issues.   Who knows?

But the bottom line is, the core of the issue is, that if people's lives are bad enough that they have to live outdoors and struggle for the basic necessities of life then they need our help. And once they get that help we can later sort out positive ways to help them change their lives permanently. Whether that help comes in the form of providing housing, jobs, education, healthcare, or whatever else they need.

Probably none of these people we saw today woke up one morning and said, "Gee, I think it would be a great idea to become homeless." Within each one of them is probably a long twisted story of how they ended up on the streets. But judging them, condemning them, or looking down upon them, is definitely not going to make their life any better. There are groups out there helping the homeless and doing it somewhat effectively.  But much more needs to be done to really make a dent in the problem.

It's so heartbreaking to see our fellow human beings suffering – no matter who caused the suffering or how they ended up on the streets.

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