Yesterday one of our managers received a great lesson in attitude. A few days previously his doctor had given him a prescription for a blood draw. When he showed up at the local clinic he found that there was a forty minute wait. Because he was busy he decided to do it the next day.

Someone had told him about a blood draw clinic that was a few miles further away, one that had a shorter wait. He made plans to use that clinic. But when he showed up he was in for a surprise. When he entered the clinic parking lot it was full of cars. And when he entered the building he found that the line was longer than the one at the place he visited the previous day.

He commented aloud about the length of the line to no one in particular.

"Oh, the line is short today" the lady in front of him said after she heard his remark. "Usually it's much longer than this, we'll be there in no time."
Immediately the manager realized that the whole thing was a matter of attitude.

"Thank you for that," he told the lady. "You just helped me restart my day." Then he said to himself, "thank you, God, for the lesson."

Many times those of us in recovery go at full speed. We want everything our way, and we want it right now!

Sometimes we need to just slow down and enjoy the moment. And if we believe in God, then everything is just as it should be right now.

He'd been in our program for over a year, his longest period of sobriety. But yesterday he relapsed.

I first met this man when he started attending our aftercare groups. He had an interesting story of living in parks and river bottoms for several years. Like most people who live on the streets, he is a survivor. He has an air of toughness about him that comes from living homeless day to day in the Arizona heat.

When he relapsed he had been in our aftercare group for nearly nine months. In fact, he was to graduate in about three weeks. Last night he didn't show up for group, telling a roommate he wouldn't be there because he was sick. Because he hadn't been sick before I didn't think much of it. I did send a message through one of the group members that the next time he was sick he should ask me to excuse him.

It didn't surprise me that this client relapsed. In fact, it seemed a miracle he stayed sober as long as he did. When he shared in group it seemed like he was always taking his emotional temperature. He spent a lot of time second guessing himself. He had a lot of "whys" about his behavior. He wondered “why” he did things. He said that many times strange thoughts would pop up in his head and he would wonder “why” he was thinking what he was thinking. I told him he was engaging in a lot of mental masturbation.

I tried to explain to him that it wasn't important "why" he did things. "Why" only provided fodder for a lot of indecision. I tried to explain that if it served some purpose to know why he did things the 12-step programs would probably focus on why we do things, instead of on living one day at a time.

I believe that there are myriad reasons why we do things. But learning to function in the present moment is what's important. How I do things right now is what will keep me sober. I sometimes felt like this man was driving himself to relapse wondering why things happened in his life.

And this morning he 's probably living in a park, or somewhere along the river bank.

The former client on the other end of the line was fuming. He had been discharged from our program that morning. The discharge was unfair. His roommates were being mean to him. The manager didn't understand where he was coming from. He rattled off a litany of abuses he had suffered at the hands of our staff and other clients.

"Did you have a part in any of this?" I finally asked him. The phone went silent for a moment.

Then he began explaining the details to me, as if he were presenting facts to a jury. He went on and on with minutia about the problems in our program. People didn't understand him. He had done a lot of volunteer work for which he'd receive no recognition. There were things he wanted to change about the program. He knew he could improve it.

I listened to what he had to say for several minutes. When I finally interjected I pointed out that there wasn't a lot he could do about how others behave. The only thing he could really change or control was himself. I explained that when I have problems with people I look first at myself.

I have no power or control over how anyone else communicates. Good communication flows from me.

For two years I've been writing to a former client who relapsed and returned to prison. My correspondence with him reminds me that 12 step work can sometimes be unrewarding.

Every month or so I would write him. On a few occasions I sent him 12-step literature and a little money. Sometimes I sent him books he requested. I did this because when he first communicated with me after his return to prison he told me that he wanted to stay sober. He said he never wanted to return to prison again, that he was tired of being locked up. He was using me as a sponsor.

Because a major premise of 12 step programs is that we carry the message to others I started corresponding with him. Because I am very busy with TLC I didn't correspond with him more than once a month. But still, I was pleased that I was able to do that.

Then I got a message that he had gotten in trouble over drugs he'd purchased on credit. Because he was unable to repay the debt he was afraid of being killed. To protect himself he arranged to have himself caught with a knife that he had hidden in his cell. This infraction caused him to be moved to a high-security unit and to lose all the good time he'd accrued. But at least he was no longer in danger of being killed because the gang he owed the money to couldn't get to him.

I felt disappointed and used because this man misled me by saying he wanted to stay sober. And the reality is that maybe he does want to stay sober.

Perhaps in the environment he's in he succumbed to a moment of weakness. Who knows? One thing is certain though. I'm still going to reach out to others who say they want to get clean and sober. That's what we do in the program: we carry the message.

And even though this man is sitting in a special security unit in Florence, Arizona, I'm still sober today.

I'm always motivated to go to the gym. Since I've been in recovery, some 20 years ago, I've been working out. I just feel better when I put in 45 minutes a day doing something. I don't care whether it's working out with weights, riding my bicycle or using an elliptical. Motivation is not a problem for me.

But if motivation ever were a problem I see examples at the gym all the time of people I can use as role models.

I remember a fellow I met 15 years ago when I was a member of the YMCA. This man, who was relatively young, suffered from multiple sclerosis. He would show up at the gymnasium on a walker. Once he started working out he would set the walker at the side of the gym next to the wall. Because he couldn't walk unaided, he would use one machine, get off of it, then crawl to the next machine. He would repeat that routine until he had worked out for forty-five minutes to an hour. Witnessing his struggles to work out, I never had even a moment where I lost motivation.

At the gym where I currently work out there's a fellow in a wheelchair who shows up several mornings a week at 4 AM. Even though he has only one leg he struggles in and out of his chair onto a bench or machine, and works up a sweat. He is quite strong, stronger than many of us who work out at the same time. He doesn't complain and always has a smile on his face. There's never a moment, when he's around, when I think that my workout is a struggle.

After being in recovery for nearly 20 years I have developed ways of thinking that help me maintain my sobriety. One is to always be grateful.. And when I see people who have physical challenges exercising and trying to maintain what they have left I find it inspiring. After all, who can complain when there are people in wheelchairs, or who are suffering from terminal diseases, still out there fighting to maintain themselves?

I'm so grateful for the blessings God has given me...

Sometimes I find heroes in the most ordinary of places. I was talking the other day to a man who works at a retail establishment where I go early in the morning two or three times a week. Until last week, I had only spoken to him a few times, mostly just saying hello and goodbye.

But the other day I got into a conversation with him, and asked him how he liked working the night shift. During the conversation I found out he had custody of his five children. They ranged from 10 to 19 years old. He was raising them as a single parent and was working two jobs to support them. A couple of the older children were helping him out with the two youngest.

He went on to explain that their mother was a drug user who was unable to take care of the kids. He said that even though it was tough, he loved his children and wanted to raise them right and not under the influence of an addicted mother.

His experience resonated with me. I had also obtained custody of a daughter who was living in a perilous situation. I raised her as a single parent from the time she was seven until she went into the Army at age 18. It was one of the best experiences of my life. Oh yes, it was tough at times dealing with the hormone induced emotional changes of a teenage daughter. But I came through on the other side a much better human being. And I have a lot more respect for single mothers who are struggling to raise children by themselves.

While I thought I did pretty good raising one child I can't imagine what a daunting task it would to raise five children by myself.

One of the blessings of living sober is that we are able to face the challenges of day-to-day life. Like I said at the beginning, this man is one of my heroes.

The young woman's voice broke, and her eyes filled with tears, as she spoke of her mother, a drug addict who died last year in her sleep. Her heroin addict father had recently been released from prison after serving six years and lived with her and her children. Her story reminded of the damage that our addictions do to others.

She talked of living with drug addict family members all of her life until she was able to move into her own apartment. She said she thought drug use was normal when she was growing up. Throughout her childhood she was accustomed to seeing family members use drugs. She witnessed firsthand all of the behavior that goes with an addict. Fortunately, she made a decision at an early age to do something different with her life. She was proud of being placed on her college honor roll. She had a good job and was able to support her two children.

Many times our clients say they never hurt anyone else when they use drugs. The only person they hurt was themselves. But the reality is when we live in a society and engage in any kind of antisocial activities we harm not only those close to us, but society as a whole. Because we don't live in a vacuum, our behavior always affects those around us, even if the effect is only minimal.

This woman's two children, by the grace of God, will never have to see their mother use drugs in front of them.