Smoking is one of the most difficult addictions to quit, especially for addicts and alcoholics. Statistics show that 75% of 12-step group members smoke, while only 25% of the general population is addicted.
I constantly preach to our clients and staff members to quit smoking. And once in a while one will succeed. For example, a salesman in our office has over 90 days without a cigarette.
As a former smoker, I don't minimize the difficulty of quitting. It took several tries before I finally stopped nearly 27 years ago on July 25, 1984. It was so difficult that I remember not only the address where I quit, but also the hour and the day. For me quitting was a personal mission. Seven family members died of smoking related causes, including my mother. Emphysema devastated her generation of my family. And my brother, who died at 60 of alcoholism, also had emphysema. It is a deadly habit.
When I discuss quitting smoking with clients and staff members they often have a common response. Many say, "I've given up drinking or drugging, but I'm not giving up cigarettes."
However, the reality is that even though they know it's bad for them, they're not willing to go through the pain of quitting. And we teach in the program that people shouldn't make major changes in their life during their first year of recovery. Too much stress during the first year might lead to a relapse.
Still, we have to look at our recovery and ask ourselves: are we really in recovery if we’re addicted to any kind of substance?
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
A Day at a Time
One of the most brilliant things about the 12 step programs is the concept of "one day at a time."
As a recovering addict I have this magical magnifying mind that makes a big deal out of most everything. If I venture far into the future or try to predict what is going to happen, I return with anxiety. If I journey into the past and start dredging through some of the messy things I've done, I might return with a load of depression.
But the present 24 hours is a chunk of life I can deal with. After all, I can make it through today without picking up a drug or drink or getting overly-excited about anything. But if I try to gaze over the horizon and control or predict what's going to happen - I can create a mini tornado of chaos in my mind.
The founders of the 12 step programs had the wisdom to realize how our alcoholic minds work. They knew our disease wants us to focus on anything but the present. After all, if we're focusing on the present moment we might find a solution. And even if we don't find a solution, before we know it the day has passed and we haven't picked up a drink or a drug.
So does living one day at a time mean I do no planning for the future? Of course not. We always plan for the future. We just don't pack our bags and move there, neglecting the present moment.
The only thing I can deal with is now. I make the general outlines of where I might want to be in the future. But I do what I can today to get there.
As a recovering addict I have this magical magnifying mind that makes a big deal out of most everything. If I venture far into the future or try to predict what is going to happen, I return with anxiety. If I journey into the past and start dredging through some of the messy things I've done, I might return with a load of depression.
But the present 24 hours is a chunk of life I can deal with. After all, I can make it through today without picking up a drug or drink or getting overly-excited about anything. But if I try to gaze over the horizon and control or predict what's going to happen - I can create a mini tornado of chaos in my mind.
The founders of the 12 step programs had the wisdom to realize how our alcoholic minds work. They knew our disease wants us to focus on anything but the present. After all, if we're focusing on the present moment we might find a solution. And even if we don't find a solution, before we know it the day has passed and we haven't picked up a drink or a drug.
So does living one day at a time mean I do no planning for the future? Of course not. We always plan for the future. We just don't pack our bags and move there, neglecting the present moment.
The only thing I can deal with is now. I make the general outlines of where I might want to be in the future. But I do what I can today to get there.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Gratitude is the Topic
"I'm grateful today because I'm not living on the streets," said one young woman at the meeting.
"I was reading a story in the newspaper today that talked about a five-year-old girl dying of leukemia," said a man next to her. "Even though I didn't have any problems this morning, I realize that there are many many people in the world who are facing serious issues. I can't imagine what her family’s going through. "
And so it went around the circle. Each person at the meeting spoke of gratitude and the things they found in life to be grateful for. Each of them agreed that there are different ways to look at life. We can look at life and focus on what we don't have. Or we can look at life and see what we really have in comparison to many others in the world. It's all a matter of perspective.
It says on page 62 in the book that selfishness and self-centeredness is the root of our problem. And for many of us that is true. We often take our emotional temperature. We're often feel sorry for ourselves, or else we're feeling elated and wonderful. It's sometimes difficult to find balance.
However, if we wake up each morning and make gratitude the focus of our day we'll find much to feel good about. Gratitude can be the elixir that helps us focus on the blessings of sobriety.
"I was reading a story in the newspaper today that talked about a five-year-old girl dying of leukemia," said a man next to her. "Even though I didn't have any problems this morning, I realize that there are many many people in the world who are facing serious issues. I can't imagine what her family’s going through. "
And so it went around the circle. Each person at the meeting spoke of gratitude and the things they found in life to be grateful for. Each of them agreed that there are different ways to look at life. We can look at life and focus on what we don't have. Or we can look at life and see what we really have in comparison to many others in the world. It's all a matter of perspective.
It says on page 62 in the book that selfishness and self-centeredness is the root of our problem. And for many of us that is true. We often take our emotional temperature. We're often feel sorry for ourselves, or else we're feeling elated and wonderful. It's sometimes difficult to find balance.
However, if we wake up each morning and make gratitude the focus of our day we'll find much to feel good about. Gratitude can be the elixir that helps us focus on the blessings of sobriety.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Sponsor's Birthday
On the 24th of June my sponsor celebrated 37 years of sobriety and received a wonderful surprise when his doorbell rang at 7 AM. When he opened the door, standing outside were 17 members of various twelve-step groups with which he is affiliated. They had stopped to surprise him with a happy birthday song.
People like my sponsor are a treasure. When we see people who have decades of sobriety it proves the program works. People with 37 years have seen loss, success, and hundreds of alcoholics and addicts go in and out. They are living repositories of experience who help us when times are tough.
People outside the program sometimes ask me why, at 20 years sober, I still need a sponsor. And my answer is always the same: a sponsor is more than just a sounding board or a guide through the steps. A sponsor is also a friend, a fellow traveler through the sometimes perilous waters of sobriety.
So what questions do I take to my sponsor? A good example of issues I took to him was the emotions I went through during my divorce. Often I would bring him my anger. He would soothe my feelings and explain that separating from someone with whom you’ve been in a long-term relationship is never easy. Other times he would listen to my ramblings, then give me a quiet smile and nod his head. He’d tell me to get into acceptance of my emotions and feelings. He’d tell me I knew the answers.
Other occasions I would take issues to him about my relationship with my children and grandchildren. The discussions in these cases were about them using drugs and alcohol. He and I have something in common in this area as he has three sons in recovery, all of them now sober.
Happy birthday Ralph; I appreciate what you do in my life.
People like my sponsor are a treasure. When we see people who have decades of sobriety it proves the program works. People with 37 years have seen loss, success, and hundreds of alcoholics and addicts go in and out. They are living repositories of experience who help us when times are tough.
People outside the program sometimes ask me why, at 20 years sober, I still need a sponsor. And my answer is always the same: a sponsor is more than just a sounding board or a guide through the steps. A sponsor is also a friend, a fellow traveler through the sometimes perilous waters of sobriety.
So what questions do I take to my sponsor? A good example of issues I took to him was the emotions I went through during my divorce. Often I would bring him my anger. He would soothe my feelings and explain that separating from someone with whom you’ve been in a long-term relationship is never easy. Other times he would listen to my ramblings, then give me a quiet smile and nod his head. He’d tell me to get into acceptance of my emotions and feelings. He’d tell me I knew the answers.
Other occasions I would take issues to him about my relationship with my children and grandchildren. The discussions in these cases were about them using drugs and alcohol. He and I have something in common in this area as he has three sons in recovery, all of them now sober.
Happy birthday Ralph; I appreciate what you do in my life.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Borrowing Trouble
Today we fired a longtime manager who violated TLC’s policy about borrowing money from – or loaning money to – clients. It was sad to terminate him because he’d helped a lot of clients over the past few years and he was genuinely liked by co-workers and clients alike.
None of us are sure why he violated the rules, although he’d recently started a relationship that might have increased his expenses.
The loan came to light when a client was sent to the emergency room for a suspected drug overdose. Instead of discharging the client for misusing his prescription the manager lobbied to keep him in the program. He said the overdose had been a “mistake” rather than the client attempting to get high.
Anyway, one story led to another and it came out that the client had lent the manager several hundred dollars. And when confronted the manager admitted borrowing the money. He lost his job shortly afterward.
The obvious purpose for not allowing loans or favors between clients and employees is to keep such situations from occurring. Once any kind of under the table transactions occur between staff and clients it creates a social contract that keeps management from enforcing rules or discipline.
None of us are sure why he violated the rules, although he’d recently started a relationship that might have increased his expenses.
The loan came to light when a client was sent to the emergency room for a suspected drug overdose. Instead of discharging the client for misusing his prescription the manager lobbied to keep him in the program. He said the overdose had been a “mistake” rather than the client attempting to get high.
Anyway, one story led to another and it came out that the client had lent the manager several hundred dollars. And when confronted the manager admitted borrowing the money. He lost his job shortly afterward.
The obvious purpose for not allowing loans or favors between clients and employees is to keep such situations from occurring. Once any kind of under the table transactions occur between staff and clients it creates a social contract that keeps management from enforcing rules or discipline.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
What's Important
In 20 years of sobriety I've learned to focus on my recovery. I've been asked what's the most important thing in my life. And my answer is always that it's my sobriety. I think they expect me to say something like my loved ones, my business, or my health.
My answer is always "sobriety" because without it I have nothing. All the work I've done over 20 years, all the relationships, and all of the things I've accumulated will disappear in a flash if I pick up a drink or a needle. I'm where I am today because I put down the bottle and gave up drugs. And when I started on this path I had zero. I was homeless. I had no friends. I was alienated from my family. I was living in a black hole of despair, thinking I might return to prison – unless I died first.
So I view the world pretty much like this: everything I have today flows from the centerpiece of my life - which is sobriety. For those who don't have a problem with drugs or alcohol this might seem to be a narrow focus. And I understand exactly where they're coming from, although I didn't at one time. I had to put myself in other people's shoes.
I didn't understand overeating, gambling, or shopping addictions. My answer was just quit. And that's because I didn't have those problems. If I'm to be compassionate I look at the addictions of others as I look at my own addiction.
Today I'm grateful for my blessings. And one of the main blessings is I'm able to use the 12 step programs to guide my life. There are many in the world who don't have the benefit of a structure to guide them. But those of us in the 12 step programs know what to do when we get in trouble.
It's all there in steps.
My answer is always "sobriety" because without it I have nothing. All the work I've done over 20 years, all the relationships, and all of the things I've accumulated will disappear in a flash if I pick up a drink or a needle. I'm where I am today because I put down the bottle and gave up drugs. And when I started on this path I had zero. I was homeless. I had no friends. I was alienated from my family. I was living in a black hole of despair, thinking I might return to prison – unless I died first.
So I view the world pretty much like this: everything I have today flows from the centerpiece of my life - which is sobriety. For those who don't have a problem with drugs or alcohol this might seem to be a narrow focus. And I understand exactly where they're coming from, although I didn't at one time. I had to put myself in other people's shoes.
I didn't understand overeating, gambling, or shopping addictions. My answer was just quit. And that's because I didn't have those problems. If I'm to be compassionate I look at the addictions of others as I look at my own addiction.
Today I'm grateful for my blessings. And one of the main blessings is I'm able to use the 12 step programs to guide my life. There are many in the world who don't have the benefit of a structure to guide them. But those of us in the 12 step programs know what to do when we get in trouble.
It's all there in steps.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Relapse or Mistake?
An issue we regularly deal with at TLC is prescription drug abuse. We allow clients to use prescriptions to treat mental conditions, but allow no chronic use of any kind of painkillers. And under all circumstances drugs are locked in the office and issued at the prescribed time.
However, sometimes clients refill a prescription and try to keep it on them or in their room.
This came up this week when a client who has more than one prescription for mental conditions refilled it but failed to turn it into the office when he returned from the pharmacy. In the morning the staff noticed he appeared lethargic and took him to the emergency room as a preventive measure. As it turned out the client had taken more than his prescribed dosage.
The issue was dealt with as a relapse and the client was given the choice of leaving the program or moving to one of our other facilities in a different part of town to begin the program over. In this client’s case he had the financial resources to leave and did so when told his options.
When we have clients who abuse prescriptions it’s sometimes difficult to maintain a balance between enforcing the rules and having compassion for those who need these kinds of prescriptions. We have to evaluate each of these situations on a case-by-case basis: was the client seeking to get high? Or did he really make a mistake.?
Most of the time we’re able to figure it out. But it it’s not always easy.
However, sometimes clients refill a prescription and try to keep it on them or in their room.
This came up this week when a client who has more than one prescription for mental conditions refilled it but failed to turn it into the office when he returned from the pharmacy. In the morning the staff noticed he appeared lethargic and took him to the emergency room as a preventive measure. As it turned out the client had taken more than his prescribed dosage.
The issue was dealt with as a relapse and the client was given the choice of leaving the program or moving to one of our other facilities in a different part of town to begin the program over. In this client’s case he had the financial resources to leave and did so when told his options.
When we have clients who abuse prescriptions it’s sometimes difficult to maintain a balance between enforcing the rules and having compassion for those who need these kinds of prescriptions. We have to evaluate each of these situations on a case-by-case basis: was the client seeking to get high? Or did he really make a mistake.?
Most of the time we’re able to figure it out. But it it’s not always easy.
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