Spread Kindness

An act of kindness may change the world.

The first week of January, 1991, I made a phone call from a detox center in Mesa, Arizona. The call was to a halfway house in the downtown area, a few miles away.

Because I was about to leave the detox center after 11 days, I needed a place to continue my recovery. But I had no money.

When I explained this to the man who answered the phone, he said, in a rough voice, "Did I say anything about money?"

He told me all I needed to get into his halfway house was a willingness to stay sober. Of course I'd need to find work. But they'd give me credit until I found a job and started paying.

His kindness had a profound effect. Because if they hadn't been willing to take me in with no money I'm not sure where I would've ended up. Maybe back on the streets at 51 years old. Or living under a bridge. Perhaps I'd have gone back to jail. Who knows the course my life might've taken? I never forgot how I felt when I realized I had a place to continue my recovery. It was deep gratitude.

That one act of kindness planted the seed for what later became TLC. A year to the day after I left that program I open the doors on TLC's first house in January 1992.

Since then, over 350,000 men and women have passed through TLC's doors. And they've been able to enter without money. Have all them stayed clean and sober? Of course not. But enough of them have changed their lives to make a difference in the world.

The people who have gone through TLC and stayed clean affect those around them. Their children and grandchildren may follow their example. A good example spreads far and wide - sometimes through generations.

So when you have an opportunity to be kind, do it.

Like ripples from tossing a pebble in a pond, you never know how far your act of kindness will spread.

Click here to email John

Taking Care of Ourselves

A longtime manager yesterday told me the results of a medical procedure he'd had a few days before.

He said everything came out okay and I congratulated him. I also encouraged him to keep taking care of his health.

Over the years I've encouraged our staff and clients to do the same. And taking care of themselves goes beyond not using drugs or alcohol. It includes regular checkups. It includes finding insurance as soon as possible. Eating sensibly. Developing an exercise routine. Moderating stress.

More than once I've heard staff members say that they don't get checkups because they don't want bad news. But that's a head in the sand approach. One way or the other, if there's bad news we'll get it.

But if we care enough, we can maybe prevent a minor health problem from developing into something major.

Many of us in recovery have done atrocious things to ourselves. Sharing needles. Smoking strange substances. Putting God knows what into our veins. And it's a miracle we survived – because we all know someone who didn't.

When we get clean and start giving back to the world part of giving back means taking care of ourselves. When we rejoin society we start developing relationships with others – people who love and care for us.

After so much wreckage we owe our best to the world – and that means living healthy.

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Hurting Loved Ones

I could feel the pain in the man's voice. He was so upset, that even though he was 2000 miles away, it was like he was at my side.

He said he'd been dealing with his son's addiction for years. He'd sent him to treatment programs. He'd visited him in jail. He'd help him financially. He bought him cars. But nothing seemed to work.

Finally, he saw the halfway house program on this website. He knew it would be a perfect fit. So he bought him an airline ticket and we picked him up at the airport.

And he did all right for a few weeks. Then one day he disappeared. Soon his father got a call. His son told him there'd been a 30 man brawl at one of our halfway houses and because he was part of the altercation we discharged him. I told his father that never happened. But that a few people left because they refused to take a drug test.

After he left his father only had sporadic phone calls. He'd hear that he was in a detox center. Then maybe in another program. Once he called from a soup kitchen. When he called he'd beg for money or an airline ticket home. But his father didn't do what he asked; instead he wanted him to go back into the program.

There's a lot more that went on between father and son. But the point of all this is that most of us in our addiction never realize the pain and misery we cause those who love us. They can't sleep. They wonder if they're going to get a call in the middle of the night with a message that we died. They blame themselves. They wonder where they went wrong when they were raising us.

But it's usually never about what they did or didn’t do. It's about our self-centered egocentric behavior that says the only thing that matters is our pleasure. Our drugs. Our alcohol. Our immediate self gratification.

If we really understood how our behavior affects those who love us we might have an easier time being in recovery.

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1500 Days...

The counter on the Google website says I've been writing this blog for 1500 days yesterday. That's a little over four years. Not sure why, but every time I add another 100 blogs it seems sort of a benchmark. So every time I add another hundred, I usually write about it.

I tell myself that I write this to keep my brain in shape. I use the analogy that it's kinda like going to the gym. It's an exercise in discipline and persistence. But instead of for the body, it's for my mind – to hone my writing skills.

Whatever it is, it seems also to be an extension of my obsessive personality. Whenever I like something I become addicted to it. That's what's happened to me with drugs. With alcohol. Exercise. Work. Anything that has a hint of feel good about it, I become addicted to it.

Sometimes when I think about writing after a tiring day I ask myself what's the point? Sometimes it takes 45 minutes to polish these words so they make sense. Even the next morning, I'll review what I wrote the night before and make changes.

Aside from self-centered motives I mentioned above, there's another thing that keeps me at this. And that's the parents and family members who write to say that reading the blog helps them feel connected to their loved ones at TLC. Plus, they get some insight into how the program works.

That's enough right there for me to keep doing what I'm doing.

Click here to email John

R.I.P.

It is with sadness that we note the passing of Bob Berthelson, who had been at TLC for a little over five years.

Bob, who died of cancer at 79, had many friends at TLC. He lived in one of the Roosevelt properties in Phoenix.

Residents are holding a memorial ceremony at the Roosevelt house tomorrow evening.

Bob, known as "O.G." or "Old Gangster," considered TLC his family.

Godspeed, Bob. We'll miss you.

Dream Life

The topic in a halfway house group last night was "what does my dream life look like?"

And it was interesting that the most common dream among the men was to simply have a normal life.

None wanted to be rich. They didn't want a big mansion. They didn't talk about fancy cars. Or expensive vacations.

Instead, they talked of having an average house in a middle-class neighborhood. A marriage or relationship with a woman who understood them. And a job to support this lifestyle.

After group I thought for a moment that they might be lacking ambition. But then I reflected that the majority of us in recovery never had a so-called normal life.

Many of us spent our lives in and out of prison. Or moving from one place to another before the law caught up with us. In and out of relationships. Rarely a moment of stability.

And that's why a peaceful ordinary existence looks good to us.

The consensus of the group was that if they stay away from drugs and alcohol their "dream life" could become a reality.

Click here to email John

Suboxone & Vivitrol

At TLC outpatient clinic we offer certain drugs to help clients get over their addictions.

And two of these drugs are somewhat controversial among those who know of our drug-free philosophy of the past 23 years. In particular, a drug that raises questions is Suboxone.

This drug reduces withdrawal symptoms of - and cravings for - opiates.  Clients use this drug only under our doctor's supervision.

The value is that addicts can work on recovery without cravings or discomfort. Unlike methadone, it's not for long-term use. Many addicts voluntarily withdraw from Suboxone after a few months.

Another drug we offer at the clinic is Vivitrol. This drug blocks both opiate and alcohol cravings. It requires only a monthly intramuscular injection. Those using it report no cravings.

Both drugs are expensive. But if they keep an addict from relapsing - or losing their lives - they're well worth the expense.

Click here to email John