No Resolutions

I don't believe in New Year's resolutions.

Not sure why. Maybe I don't like to think about finding the right time to change. I'd rather just do it.

I've given up a few bad habits in my life. For example I quit smoking over 30 years ago. but it wasn't January 1. It was July 25, 1984 at 9:00 a.m. at 110 N Broad Street, Globe, Arizona. I remember all this because it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. And the right time was when I was ready.

I quit alcohol and drugs January 13, 1991 in Mesa, Arizona. It was at the old EVAC detox on Bellview Street. But I was too wasted to pay attention to the details. I only wanted the pain to stop, which it did. It was the time to do it. I'd have died had I waited until New Year's.

My point is, if you want to change something - do it now. Don't wait for New Year's, or your birthday or some other point in time.

But how do we do that? It's not that simple.

Sure it is. If you want to start an exercise program stop reading this and go take a walk. Or hit the floor and do some push-ups or crunches. Start moving. Don't hurt yourself. But keep it up every day until you see results.

Same with losing weight and eating better. Take a large trash bag right now and go to your kitchen. Throw all the crap out of your cupboards and refrigerator. Yes, the ice cream. The cake and pie. Chips. All that junk. And, forget about eating food that's handed out of a drive-thru window. Don't wait for a made-up date - do it now.

Change usually follows a period of pain. If you're tired of your pain do something about it before it changes you forever.

And have a blessed and prosperous Ano Nuevo.

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Using our Time

"Where did the time go?"

"Where did this year go?"

I hear questions like this as December comes to a close.

Maybe we didn't get as much done as we wanted.

Perhaps we didn't take enough vacations. Or play enough.

Or we didn't make as much money as we thought we would.

Whatever. But it brings to mind that our time is precious. It disappears like the mist in the morning. Once gone, we don't get it back.

The minutes and hours God has given us are precious coins. And we can spend those coins however we want.

Maybe in front of the TV, wasting them on bubblegum for the mind. Or we can fritter them away playing video games.

We can spend these gifts however we choose. We can use these minutes to enhance our life. Or we can waste them on foolish pastimes. Our choice.

Does that mean we must always work? That we become some kind of grind? That we have no fun?

No. It means we should invest our time wisely. For time is the irreplaceable asset that we shouldn't squander foolishly.

It's true that sometimes the best investment is not working. Sometimes the best investment is in rejuvenation and relaxation. In using our time to put balance in our lives.

The point is to be aware of how we spend our time.

Then we won't wonder where it has gone at this time of year.

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Act of Kindness

While we're waiting for a table with a group outside a nice Las Vegas restaurant a panhandler approaches with his hand out.

He's middle-aged and scruffy looking. Like he hasn't had a bath in a while and maybe sleeps in his clothes. He's shivering in a thin jacket in the 40 degree cold.

A woman in the group searches her purse, but can't find any change. A nearby man is rough with the panhandler, who says he needs food. The panhandler shuffles off slowly, head down.

Then the woman looking for change calls the man back. She hands him a twenty - the smallest thing she has. He's amazed and offers blessings - then hurries off.

It's a spiritual moment, to witness this act of kindness.

Some object to helping panhandlers. They think they might buy drugs or alcohol.

But my first sponsor taught me to give. He said it was none of my business what they did with it. He said if they were buying alcohol or drugs that maybe they'd get finished sooner and get into recovery.

He also said what we give is between us and God. What others do with our gift is between them and God.

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Constructing the Present

"Look closely at the present you are constructing. It should look like the future you are dreaming."  Alice Walker 

When in early recovery and treatment many of us aren't present. Instead, we're shaking with fear about a future that only exists in our heads. One that may never come to exist.

Many of our clients talk about their "anxiety."

Maybe they wonder if they'll stay clean. Or if they'll mend a broken relationship. If they'll find work. It's a fantasy future built on a foundation of shaky ideas.

But when, as the quote above suggests, we come into the present we have something to work with. Something tangible.

And dreams of the future look nothing like anxiety.

These dreams have positive color, substance, and form. They contain ideas with substance. We feel our success. We taste it, smell it, touch it. We savor everything about the realization of what we once only imagined.

When dreams have that much life to them they soon become reality.

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The Blessings of Family

A blessing of recovery is that I've been reunited with my family since the early nineties.

Between Christmas and New Years we meet in Las Vegas for three days. We exchange gifts, eat, shop and play. It'a an emotional time for everyone - especially me.

At dinner this evening I realized that only my two older children had known me when I was using. The other ten were either too young or else joined the family later.

I often share my personal story with our clients. Because many of them think they'll never get back with their families. They've done so much damage they despair of ever repairing the relationships.

Yet, it can happen. But it takes patience and perseverance. Just because we put down the alcohol and drugs no one's going to get excited right away. Most families have seen short periods of sobriety. To them it may be an old story.

After a few years pass, though, they may start to believe we've changed. We're working. We're not hitting on them for money. We're no longer wrecking cars. We send Christmas gifts. We're starting to act somewhat normal.

They welcome us back and that's when we realize the blessings of recovery.

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Magical Words

If I had one wish for the New Year, it would be to have magical words for parents of addicts.

Too many times I've sat in my office at a loss of what to say to a parent who's lost a child to addiction. Way too many.

I recall the mother whose oldest son overdosed months before. She'd brought her remaining son to us to see if we could help.

The sorrow in her eyes gave me an idea of her burden. I could tell she'd experienced crushing pain that most of us hope we never encounter.

But every addict's parents, whether they've lost a child or not, suffer greatly. They spend nights wondering if a phone call is from the police or a hospital.

When something's missing around the house they don't want to suspect their child. But deep down they know the truth. The weight loss, the changed attitude, the evasive answers all become part of a familiar pattern.

The only thing I have for them is not magic – just reality. If your child doesn't get clean you may lose him or her to our disease.

And while you're motivated – the motivation has to come from the child.

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Touching the Heart

A nice Christmas gift.

It was perched in the mailbox outside my office door. A plain express envelope from the U.S. Post Office.

At first, I thought it was just another advertisement. Maybe something about refinancing my house. But inside was a Christmas card with unfamiliar handwriting.

Turns out it was from a former client, a young man who lives on the Eastern seaboard. He'd spent a little over a year with us.

During his time here he was quiet, pleasant, and low key. He had an easy smile and everyone liked him. Yet, because of challenges he was facing some of us wondered how long he would be able to stay clean.

In the card he wrote “I don’t know if I could have made it this far and be this happy without the help of you and your program.”

He's been clean and sober since he left TLC. He talked of the joy of spending Christmas with his family. And being a son they could be proud of.

Like I said, a nice Christmas gift.

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