Happy B'day

Today is my 77th birthday so don't expect much out of me. Though I do plan to show up at the office. And I'll pretend to act busy.

One of the most surprising things is that I've survived this long. Because I poured a tremendous amount of rotgut wine and other horrible chemicals through my liver. As long as it had alcohol in it I would drink it. And as long as it was opiate based I would shoot, snort it, or swallow it. And if you had a little cocaine I'd throw that in the mix also.

I attribute my survival to a few things. One is the justice system. They spent a lot of time and effort to catch me and keep me locked up. Which they succeeded in doing for around 16 years between prisons, jails and mental institutions. A lot of people are mad at the police. But I'm grateful to them because they saved me from myself on more than one occasion.

And while I was locked up I learned a lot. I worked in the prison educational department. I learned to type. I was editor of the prison magazine for a few years. I learned Spanish. I worked in the business department - where I learned much of what I use at TLC today.

The other thing I attriibute my survival to is that in jail I developed the habit of regular exercise. I lifted weights, I ran, played handball, did yoga - and did my best to eat well, depending on the institution I was in. Habits I still practice today.

And the last part of my survival is due to the fact that I've been sober for 25+ years. I have a marriage to an exquisite woman who takes wonderful care of me. In the 12 years we've known each other we've never had a fight. We are kindred spirits who had tough upbringings. We have a peaceful and loving relationship that also helps keep me healthy.

What more could I want at 77?

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Honoring the Fallen

Today we celebrate those who gave their lives in service to our country. We honor them with parades and other ceremonies. And it's only fitting. There's no greater sacrifice than for one to lay down their life protecting our country.

Like many, I used to get Memorial Day and Veteran's Day confused, not clear about the difference. Memorial Day honors those who died while in service. Veteran's Day honors all those who served, living or dead.

At TLC and all over our country we deal with many whose lives were changed forever by their service. Many of those with us today suffer from loss of limbs, PTSD, homelessness. And for many of them alcohol or drugs are the only answer for their painful memories. Others simply escape by taking thier own lives.

Today we should take a moment to reflect on the monumental sacrifice our veteran's have made - both the dead and the living.

If it weren't for them we wouldn't have the freedoms we enjoy today to pursue our lives as we choose.

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Stress

"Stress is not what happens to us. It’s our response to what happens and response is something we can choose."  Maureen Killoran

We all have met those who let everything upset them .

Someone cut them off in traffic. For the next hour or two they're in a rage.

We get an assignment at work that we don't like and we let it weigh us down . Why me? Why didn't someone else get this crappy assignment? Maybe the boss has it in for me.

Multiple surveys have shown that 75-90% of primary doctor visits are for stress related complaints. That pain in my chest? Is it a heart attack? Maybe I should go to the emergency. That ache in my gut - probably stomach cancer. Need to see the doctor.

Now for us addicts the solution is simple self medication: a drink, a shot of heroin, a bowl of our drug of choice. We know how to get rid of stress; at least for the moment.

There are easy and natural solutions though if we want to take responsability for our stress level. Try any or all of these. Exercise. Meditation. Plenty of sleep. Eat natural foods.

And remember this too shall pass.

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Public Service?

One of my pet peeves is the way our local newspaper uses the term "public service."

Now you may call this semantic nitpicking, but I think the term "public service" should be reserved for one class of people. And that is for police officers, firefighters, and the military. Anyone on the public payroll who risks their lives to protect society.

Earlier this month the Republic wrote about County Manager Tom Manos as "taking public service to heart" when he retired after 30 years. While he may have worked for the public, it didn't seem like a dangerous job. Except maybe when he commuted to work on our local freeways.

Plus, his wonderful "public service" paid a salary of over $240,000 plus benefits. That's the kind of "public service" that thousands of bright folks would leap at. Then to get credit for performing a "public service" on top of it.

Whether one realizes it or not, the average public employee makes twice the pay of someone doing the same job in the private sector. Plus they often get credit for performing a "public service."

We should not dishonor our police officers, firemen, and military by using a term that belongs rightfully to them.

Not to a bunch of lard ass bureaucrats living off the public largesse -acting as if they're making a sacrifice while working for their bloated salaries.

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Entitlement

At an early age I learned that if I wanted something I must work for it.

Even as a six year old living on a farm, I remember feeding the cattle, the chickens, the pigs, watering the crops, the garden, maintaining the fences. Life was a constant struggle for us to feed and support ourselves.

And in the midst of this, at the center of the family, was an alcoholic and violent father who took out his frustration and anger on everything and everybody. When things went wrong someone was getting their ass kicked because none of it was his fault.

He beat his wife, children, the animals - anything that got in his way.

Two things I learned from growing up in this environment was to work hard - and that I had nothing coming. That I was nothing special - just another mouth to feed.

I bring this up because I wasn't raised around spoiled people. Or anyone who had a sense of entitlement. It wasn't until I was middle - aged that I started meeting people who thought that their family owed them something. Just because they were born.

I've never understood those who have the idea that the world owes them a living. And that they shouldn't put forth any effort to get what they wanted.

But they learned it from someone, and usually the someone is the parents who raised them. I'm not advocating that children be little slaves. But I do believe they should learn something about having to put out effort to get what they want from life. Because some day those who were giving them handouts will be gone. And then they'll learn there's not a big demand for people with a sense of entitlement.

My sad prediction for them is that eventually they'll run out of people to mooch from, people to give them whatever they want when they want it.

And that's when they start showing up at treatment centers and detoxes looking for someone else to help them through life. Usually by then, though, it's too late.

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Tough Love

While in California over the weekend at a party I encountered a woman I hadn't seen in a few years. Even though I've known her since she was a small child.

She was clean. Well dressed. And sober. I congratulated her for that.

The thing that amazed me, though, is that for years I heard she was strung out on methamphetamines and God knows what else. For a while she lived in a city park in a tent with several other addicts. Yet, here she was at a social gathering. And unless you knew her history you'd never suspect she'd ever used drugs.

Now it's not unheard of for people to get clean and sober. It happens all the time in 12-step programs and also here at TLC. And sometimes for no reason at all.

But the story behind this woman's recovery is a little different. She got sober because a tough relative kept pushing her to change her life. The relative told her that she'd help with most anything but first she had to get clean and start working on herself.

But until then she'd do nothing for her. She wouldn't pay her light bill when they were shut off for non-payment. She wouldn't give her money for food. Gas for her car. Nothing.

And it pained her to have to be that tough. Because this woman is not an addict or alcoholic. But she's a strong Christian who does know human nature. In fact, she'd helped this woman in the past. In any case she stuck to her guns and it worked.

The woman agreed to go into a rehab, seek work, and starting changing her life. And within less than a year she has a car someone gave her, a rented room, and a job.

And all because her relative was willing to let her suffer if she was unwilling to change her life.

I congratulate both of them. The one for changing. But especially the one who was willing to be tough.

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Freedom

"Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything—anger, anxiety, or possessions—we cannot be free." Thich Nhat Hanh

I'm always at my most unhappiest when I wish things were different than they are at this moment.

If I don't accept my job, then I'm going to be depressed until I get one that I like. Until I let go of the conditions that I don't like.

If there's something I need to tell someone, but hold back from doing it, I won't be free of that situation until I express myself.

No matter what I'm attached to in life if I don't accept it then I'm going to be miserable. I'll have no freedom.

If my son or daughter is a drug addict who's using I'm going to be very unhappy unless I accept that I have no power to control their bad habits. Life is what will teach the children. Once we accept that they must learn by experience we'll have freedom.

Sometimes we think we're supposed to feel bad when others suffer from addiction. And maybe it's natural to do so if we're close to them. But does it make sense for us to suffer along with them? To share in their misery. Offer to help them get clean - but if they turn it down- then set yourself free by realizing that you've done your best.

You also deserve happiness in your life.

Click here to email John