Living in Reality

A somewhat familiar voice awakens me with an early morning call. Once the fog clears I recognize the voice. Then he tells me his name and I know who I'm talking to.

He sounds sober, maybe even lucid. But there's only one reason this guy will call me. And that has something to do with drinking or drugs.

Finally I flat out ask him has he been drinking and he says no. He hadn't drank or drugged in some time - according to him.

After a while we get down to what he really called about. Does he want to come back? Does he have something he wants to talk about? And he does. He's sober but not happy.

We start talking about his recovery and how he's not happy even though he's not using.

And I ask him what he expected when he got sober. For everything to be roses and wonderful? I said sobriety is about living in the real world. And that's when he hung up on me.

But what I was telling him about recovery is true. Sometime life sucks even when we think we’re doing everything by the book.

Ask anyone who's never drank or drugged. Life can be a bitch. But they've never used chemicals to block reality.

I only pray that this guy lives long enough to get the reality part of being sober.

Click here to email John

craziness

I think that we all have some  insanity about us. Or maybe insanity is too strong a word. How about just a little craziness? Yes, that will work.

For example I can be doing paperwork or something that requires focus and attention. And no one will call or visit my office all morning. I'll get a lot done until I get tired and need a break.

Then someone will rap on the door and I'll invite them in, glad for the break. And exactly at that moment two or three more knocks will come on the door. And at the same time two to three phone calls will follow, back-to-back. And, of course, I don't enjoy the break and end up clearing my office and going back to work.

This same thing also happens a lot when I'm out running errands for my wife. No one will call or text until exactly the wrong moment. Either it's when I'm leaving my car with arms full or else fumbling for the door keys.

At one time I thought it was a cosmic conspiracy. Like "Ah, now is the perfect time for someone to irritate someone who's cool and collected. Let's get him."  And they do.

Then I realize I should never think things like this, let along write them down. So I just keep them to myself. But still, just maybe, there may be a parallel universe that springs a leak once in a while and that's when all these crazy irritants interrupt our lives.

I'm still working on this idea.

Click here to email John

Example

We can learn powerful lessons from our children and grandchildren.

I have a granddaughter, early teens, who has a birthday the 31st of this month.

But when I call to ask her what she wants she's too bashful to ask for anything. Finally we make a deal:

She'll send me a link to Amazon to make it easy for me to order what she wants.  So she did and it was that easy.  By the way what she wanted was a monkey swing - whatever that is.

What impressed me was that she doesn't have a sense of entitlement even though she knows we'd give her pretty much whatever she wants - within reason. 

Today I see a lot of children (and adults) who're demanding and have a sense of entitlement.

It's refreshing and exemplary to me when I encounter those who are not.

Click here to email John

A Choice

I'm not a Facebook person. I think it has to do with the time it takes to maintain a page. Plus there's a lot of things I'm way behind on as far as reading and studying.

But my wife showed me something today that she thought was interesting. So I read it and agreed with her.

It was the story of a young woman who had ALS - a terminal disease - and had a short time to live. But she lived her last days as she chose.

Since she was fortunate enough to live in California - where medically assisted suicide is now legal - she planned and carried out her own two day going away party.

There was only one rule - no crying.

She and her friends watched one of her favorite movies and did what most people did at parties - had a good time. After all, no one had any illusions about why they were there.

At the end of the party she had herself rolled to a viewpoint outside the house and and died as she had chosen at the time she chose.

I think this is a wonderful social trend. I've seen too may friends suffer  their last days in agonizing pain before succumbing. As a society we treat our animals better than we do ourselves; at least we can take a terminally ill pet and "put it to sleep." Why shouldn't we be able to do as much for ourselves?

There were comments at the end of the story - most of them laudatory. Most of them about how brave and realistically the woman dealt with her last days.

And while I'm a free speech person, I had a problem with a few of the negative comments that were critical of the fact that she didn't die "naturally."

Of course one day they'll have their turn to make their own choices.

Click here to email John

Caring

I've spent the past two days at home, a rarity for me. No, I'm not sick. Nor am I loafing.

Instead I was doing what I consider one of the more difficult jobs in the world: that of caretaker.

Thursday morning I took my wife to the hospital for surgery on her left knee. And because I had experience with the surgery on her right knee a few months ago I had the blessing of a little practice.

I'd learned to assemble a wheelchair and be available for the unanticipated simple things. A glass of water. Food. Moving furniture around so the wheelchair can get through. I learned to not run her into things.

But rather than writing about myself, I guess this is more an ode to those who take care of others day and night for years. They're to be commended for their lack of self-centeredness and their willingness to deal with those who can't do for themselves.

If one is learning compassion and mindfulness there is no better place to practice these things than in the role of caretaker.

I must admit that while this is painful for her - it's a chance for me to give back a little to someone I love. And that's good for someone like me - who sometimes lacks in patience and compassion.

Click here to email John

Planting Seeds

We never know for sure if the seeds we plant will grow and bear fruit. We never know when our kindness and help will make a difference in the life of another. But I did get some good feedback today from a former client whose been sober some 18 plus years.

And you know it was just what I needed at the time. I was on my way to the hospital with my wife for surgery on her knee. So it cheered me up.

It seems that this client - a man I didn't even know personally - had spent the last several years in the state of Washington working in the recovery field. Prior to that he'd been an assistant manager at one of our Las Vegas facilities.

His call was to ask if we might be interested in expanding our services to Seattle because of the drug epidemic they're experiencing.

While I had to tell him his timing was bad, I am interested in helping them in some way. Maybe we can help train their staff in the way we help people get sober. Who knows?

But the point of this blog is to suggest you give kindness to others. You never know what kind of seeds you're planting.

Click here to email John

Temper

I recently visited a property TLC had purchased and had just pulled into the driveway to show it to some guests.

As we parked, a large gentlemen stepped up to my side of the vehicle. He asked what what we were doing there and what I wanted.. It probably wouldn't have irritated me except for his aggressive posture. And tone of voice.

As I got of our truck he kept talking - being almost pushy. At one point he directed me where to stand so I wouldn't be in the way of the laborers.

That's when I finally had enough. I explained to him - calmly- that we now owned the property and I would go onto any part of it I cared to whenever I wanted.

At that point he changed his tune and quickly disappeared around the other side of the building.

No matter how long one is sober, or how long they meditate, anger can arise. It still has its own little corner in my head. The only difference today is that I'm able to stop and reflect. And that keeps me out of trouble.

Click here to email John