Sunday, March 17, 2024

Back at AA

I finally did something I haven't done since I joined the program 33 years ago;  I went for weeks        without attending a meeting.  And why would I give up the lifeline that rescued me from the very misery that nearly destroyed my life?  

Simple.  I'd had an accident while working out and fractured my right foot  - causing the doctor to fit me with at boot that confined my to my home since the first week of December.  While that doesn't seem like very long, maybe you should give it a try sometime.  At first I didn't think it would be a big deal.  Plenty of time to catch up on my reading.  Lots of time to binge watch movies.  Plenty of time to hang out on the web.

But let me tell you something; when you're a physically active person just hanging around the house gets boring real fast. While I  got a lot of support from AA friends and my sponsor  there's nothing like spending time at meetings fellow - shipping with those I got sober with.

Click here to email John

Thursday, March 14, 2024

Enjoying Work

I finally spent a full day at work after having been under medical care for nearly four months. The broken foot I suffered December third had prevented me from getting to my upstairs office. My doctor made me wear a boot that prevented me from going to the second floor of the non-profit where I work - one that that doesn't have funds for elevators,

We finally got around the problem by moving my office downstairs until my foot completely heals.  And what a joy it was too get back!  Not that we got any work done, but did some catching up on business.

During my time away I found myself falling into bouts of depression.  While we were able to work remotely, there's nothing like working alongside my companions in recovery.

That's why I don't look at the work I do as a job.  Instead, I look at it as an avocation that helps me and others help people on the path of recovery.  Totally immerse yourself in your work, in your mission, and you'll never work a day in  your life.

Click here to email John

Monday, March 11, 2024

Patience a Virtue?

When I broke my right foot during the first six days of my vacation to Mexico last December 3, I decided I'd try to look at the positive side of the situation.  After all, I'd have plenty of time to catch up on several audio books I'd been meaning to finish.  Movies I'd been wanting to catch up on  Puzzles I'd been wanting to been wanting to unravel,  However, it didn't work out that way.

Why didn't things go as I'd envisioned?  One of the the things I didn't factor in was doctors'  appointments.  Nor did I consider that I might get sick from something else.  Which I did; three weeks after I broke my foot, I spent six days in the hospital with a urinary tract infection.  And after being released from the hospital I came down with a 10 day case of the flu.  And a week after that I had a pacemaker implanted into my heart.  It seemed to go on and on.  I was starting to lose patience with everything and everyone - even though people were going out of their way to be helpful and pleasant to make my life easy as possible.  It seemed the more patience I tried to practice the more I needed,

Was this a test from the Universe?  Am I that important?  I don't think so.  I think - as I often say here is that life just happens.  And we must accept it as it comes,  And  now that's what I'm trying to do.



Monday, February 26, 2024

Helping Newcomers

Many addicts  come into recovery and gravitate toward helping other addicts begin the walk toward recovery.  Some of them become very enthusiastic about becoming a mentor, or counselor or someone others can lean when times are emotionally challenging.

I used to discourage this behaviour at first.  I asked what does a newcomer know about recovery?  What kind of wisdom does he/she have to impart?  Maybe some drama.  But something of real value? something with a valuable lesson?  Probably not.  But then I changed my mind.

I changed it because I realized that sometimes raw experience is the best kind of  knowledge.  If I can tell you of a first hand experience it might have some real value in your life.  Vicarious  experience - the experience we learn from others- that's the kind of knowledge that's valuable because someone's experienced it first hand.  

And what could be more real than that?



Friday, February 23, 2024

Helping the Homeless

 Out of the 800+ clients that we have at TLC, probably 90% of them have been homeless at one time or other.  When drugs and alcohol are your priority a person doesn't have money for housing and food and the privilege of living indoors.

I bring this up today because once a month TLC has a business meeting. And today, after our meeting, the entire group, made up of about 35 staff members and managers, got into their vehicles and delivered food and bottles of water to the homeless.  Part of this was a way of giving back to others who were in the same situation we were in at one time, and the other part was to give those people an opportunity to come to TLC where  they would have the opportunity to change their lives.

All in all it was a very successful run and everywhere we stopped we passed out bags of food and water and it disappeared within minutes.

On the way home, those in our truck discussed what a lesson in gratitude it was to be able to do what we did. So many people – not just us addicts and alcoholics – take for granted the many blessings we have in our life. We all take for granted the idea that we have food to eat each day. That we have cold water.  A job to go to.  A place to take a shower and wash our clothes – the basic necessities of life.  But the people we saw today were so grateful for the tidbits that we handed them that it was almost overwhelming.

I'm not writing this to advocate that being homeless is a good thing, because it's not.  A lot of political people and others get into debates about why people are homeless, or why we should help the homeless, or that the homeless are lazy, or that they are drug addicts. I only write this to say that we should have enough compassion for our fellow human beings to help them on whatever level we can. None of us know the stories of how these people ended up homeless.  It may be true that they are drug addicts.  It may be true that they are lazy.  Perhaps they have mental issues.   Who knows?

But the bottom line is, the core of the issue is, that if people's lives are bad enough that they have to live outdoors and struggle for the basic necessities of life then they need our help. And once they get that help we can later sort out positive ways to help them change their lives permanently. Whether that help comes in the form of providing housing, jobs, education, healthcare, or whatever else they need.

Probably none of these people we saw today woke up one morning and said, "Gee, I think it would be a great idea to become homeless." Within each one of them is probably a long twisted story of how they ended up on the streets. But judging them, condemning them, or looking down upon them, is definitely not going to make their life any better. There are groups out there helping the homeless and doing it somewhat effectively.  But much more needs to be done to really make a dent in the problem.

It's so heartbreaking to see our fellow human beings suffering – no matter who caused the suffering or how they ended up on the streets.

Click here to email John


Tuesday, February 20, 2024

Our Choice

When we bring our child home from the hospital it is with joy and gladness in our hearts.

Doe's he look more like me? His dad? His grandfather? We watch every move. to make sure he's covered. Take lots of pictures. We make sure that he keeps his medical appointments. And we're happy when the doctor says our baby is in perfect health.

But the doctor can't see into future. Nor can we. None us were able to see years ahead when this aberration pops up. This disease that takes control of his life - seemingly overnight.

One moment he's like any other kid. Getting decent grades. Playing sports. Chasing girls. The next his grades are falling. The police bring him home one night. He lies about the black eye he got because he didn't pay the connection for the oxies he got on credit.

Then we go into the next phase. We blame ourselves for this change in behavior. We didn't do enough, maybe? Or too much. We did our best? Or did we? Maybe we should have taken him to church, Or moved to another neighborhood.

The guilt and shame and puzzlement piles up. What to do? We've gone through money getting him to treatment and to shrinks. Nothing has helped.

Our health and finances are failing. Yet we still don't have answers. And we don't stop to think about the obvious one: that maybe his addiction is his choice. His fault. After all, we're not Gods. We're only parents. And the inexplicable happens to everyone. Good people and bad people all get ground up equally beneath the wheels of chance.

What to do? We can pray. We can put him on the streets where the rest of the addicts end up. Or we can live in self-condemnation and guilt while still supporting him.

But we must remember that we also have a life to live. And we need to make our choices: guilt and shame about something we can't control - or happiness that we still make choices that are in our own benefit.

It's our choice.


Friday, February 16, 2024

Forgiving the Mansons

Deborah Tate, the sister of Manson family victim Sharon Tate, told People magazine that she said a prayer for Manson's soul when she heard he'd died in a Bakersfield hospital. She'd previously said that she would pray for Manson and his followers upon their deaths.

Deborah told NBC4 that while she forgives the Manson Family, what they did will remain with her forever. And even though she's forgiven them, she's played an active role in objecting to the release of any of them in front of the California parole board. But forgiveness is one thing, and protecting the public from further harm is another. Which is why she objects to the parole of any of them because she thinks they're still dangerous.

“I’ve forgiven them, but that doesn't mean I’ve forgotten what they did,” she said. “I'll never forget.”

This woman is a good example of forgiveness and of praying for those who harm us. Whether knowingly or unknowingly, she's practicing one of the concepts taught in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous on page 552. And that is learning how praying for two weeks for someone we resent can help us get over that resentment.

In commenting on her forgiveness, I have to admit that even after being sober for over 26 years, I'm not sure I'm as big as she is in that regard. Though I would like to be.

The idea of spending much of our lives being angry at someone or hating someone – no matter what they did – is harmful to our health and sanity. That's why forgiveness makes sense.

It's not about them, it's about us - and our freedom.