I was at a 12-step meeting last Sunday where the topic was responsibility. And it was the perfect subject.
Because before I entered the program I had no sense of responsibility for my addiction to alcohol and drugs. It was so easy for me to blame everything and everyone outside of myself. I was always feeling sorry for poor me.
If people just understood what I'd been through as a child and a teenager they'd understand why I drank and drugged myself into oblivion on a daily basis. My mission in life was to stay completely out of my mind and I successfully did that for around 40 years.
I first began to slowly change my thinking when people stopped having anything to do with me. My family. My friends. Everyone, No one - including myself - understood why my life was on such a downward spiral.
But the one thing that finally changed me was the pain I was living with. I couldn't get drunk or high enough for it to go away. During my addiction I lost everything over and over. Marriages. Businesses. Cars. Jobs. My health. The list went on and on. And every time something bad happened it was another reason for me to pick up a drug or a bottle.
But things changed the day I accepted responsibility for what I was doing to myself. I spent a few hours one day in 1991 and asked myself did I want to live or die. I chose to live and went to a detox. After that I went to a halfway house where I spent a year working on myself.
And I look back today at the moment I decided to change, and realize that was when I accepted responsibility. Today I live a blessed life and it all happened when I made that decision 33 years ago and became responsible for my behavior.
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