Recovery Connections

John Schwary is CEO of Transitional Living Communities, an 850-bed recovery program he founded in Mesa, Arizona January 9, 1992, when he had a year sober. He's in his 28th year of recovery.

In these posts, he views life mostly through the lenses of recovery. While the blog is factual, he often disguises events and people to protect anonymity.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Even though I'll have twenty years in recovery next month I'm still learning how to live. Because of what I've learned in the rooms I try to always behave in a way that doesn't require me to make amends to those around me. But the other day I found myself unaware of my behavior and before I knew it I had offended someone close to me and had to apologize.

While none of us will ever walk on water, when I have these lapses in behavior it's easy to beat myself up and wonder if I'll ever get it right. Then, as my sponsor tells me, I have to remember who I am and where I came from to get to where I am in life.

For someone with my history of more than 35 years of drinking and drugging and jails and mental institutions it is amazing that I'm even on the planet.

It's not okay when I communicate poorly. And it always happens when I'm unaware of where I'm at emotionally. Can I always be aware? I can try to. But to expect that I'll do life perfectly is unrealistic.

I'm grateful that today I don't have to drink or use drugs to change things. I can simply make amends or apologize.