Dragging along the Past

Because of his past, an aftercare client has difficulty accepting his family’s love.   In fact, he choked up as he talked about it.

He was locked up for drug and alcohol issues. He treated his family poorly half a lifetime ago, something he hasn’t forgotten. The guilt he carries today colors his opinion of himself and interferes with relationships. He feels so badly about himself that he doesn't know how anyone could want anything to do with him.

Like many of our clients, he deals with the world based on his past. His conversation includes phrases about how he “should be” or what a “man should do.”

And while we can’t change the past, neither can we judge ourselves by it. We may recall the past as a way to avoid mistakes. However, there’s no benefit in lugging a burden of guilt and shame along with us. Instead - if it’s still an issue make amends - then move on.

I asked this client if he’s still doing the things now that he did back then. The answer was “no.” Today he’s working. He’s attending meetings. He quit smoking. He has a more positive attitude. He helps others.

Bad feelings from the past can destroy our happiness today - if we let them....