One of them - besides writing a paper and doing extra chores - is to apologize at a house meeting.
However after he apologizes – which he did quite eloquently – he begins to explain his behavior, why he did what he did. He had a rationale for why he had food in his room. Why he cursed another client. And why he went into another client's room.
After the meeting, he was counseled by the house manager about his apology. The house manager pointed out that it's not an apology when it's accompanied by a series of explanations about why the infractions occurred. That’s not an apology. It's a rationale. A justification.
However after he apologizes – which he did quite eloquently – he begins to explain his behavior, why he did what he did. He had a rationale for why he had food in his room. Why he cursed another client. And why he went into another client's room.
After the meeting, he was counseled by the house manager about his apology. The house manager pointed out that it's not an apology when it's accompanied by a series of explanations about why the infractions occurred. That’s not an apology. It's a rationale. A justification.
Part of our mission at TLC is helping addicts face responsibility. To own up to their behavior. And the purpose of that is so we can deal with the behavior. If we make rationales, we're watering down what we did until we obscure it entirely.
So how does what addicts do in the protected environment of a recovery program relate to the real world?
Before we addicts use, we usually tell a lie - to ourselves. The lie may be something like this: “I'm only going to do it this one time.” Or : “No one will know.” Or: “I worked hard all week and I deserve a fix or drink.” They go on and on.
But if we learn to stop explaining away our bad behavior, then when we have these thoughts we might do something different. We may instead tell ourselves something like: “I don't know where that thought came from, but it's a dumb idea.”
And sometimes it's just that simple.
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So how does what addicts do in the protected environment of a recovery program relate to the real world?
Before we addicts use, we usually tell a lie - to ourselves. The lie may be something like this: “I'm only going to do it this one time.” Or : “No one will know.” Or: “I worked hard all week and I deserve a fix or drink.” They go on and on.
But if we learn to stop explaining away our bad behavior, then when we have these thoughts we might do something different. We may instead tell ourselves something like: “I don't know where that thought came from, but it's a dumb idea.”
And sometimes it's just that simple.
Click here to leave a comment
