Most of the time I'm very peaceful and easy-going.
The first thing I do in the morning is 45 minutes of mindful meditation. In fact, I'm so into meditation that I took an 11-month course to receive my certificate as a mindfulness meditation instructor. I also practice yoga for 20 to 30 minutes first thing in the morning. Then spend another 45 minutes in my home gym. In other words, I spend a lot of time on self-care aimed at keeping myself peaceful and serene. And usually, it works.
Because anger got me into a lot of trouble when I was much younger, I like living the way I do today. In my early years, anger caused me to use drugs and alcohol to mask my feelings of frustration and rage. I used to fight a lot and hurt myself and others. So being peaceful is the way I try to roll.
But the other day I let my anger get out of hand.
And it came about because I've been dealing with a person who has caused me a lot of emotional and financial issues over the last four months. Over the years I've spent a lot of money and done many things to enhance this person's life. I've been generous to a fault. I've never taken advantage of her. To the contrary, I recently spent a lot of effort helping her avoid a jail sentence for domestic violence. A sentence, that in reality, she truly deserved.
So my anger erupted when I asked her to sign a simple document that I needed for a business transaction and she refused. Her refusal won't stop the transaction from occurring. But it will slow it down because now lawyers have to get involved, which will cost time - and both of us money.
But the anger didn't come from my failure to complete the business transaction in a timely manner. As I said earlier, it will get done even though I may have to go to the expense of taking court action.
What really angered me was the sense of betrayal I got from someone who should've totally trusted me because I've never given her a reason to do otherwise.
But when I said above that I let my anger get out of hand what I really meant was that I allowed it to suffuse every part of me for an hour or so. Instead of doing what I know how to do, which is breath and let the anger subside, I instead let it get the best of me. So how did I get rid of it?
Well, the first thing I did when I got home was to go into my gym and begin wailing on a punching bag that I've had for several months. It's one of those rubber kind that looks like half a man. And I beat on it for several minutes with all of my energy until my anger began to dissipate. But I wasn't quite done yet. Next, I went into my swimming pool and swam furiously back and forth, back and forth, until I ran out of energy. Then when I regained my energy I realized that I still wasn't done. So I went back into my gym and put on some 14-ounce boxing gloves and beat on the bag some more until I could've sworn I heard it asking for mercy. After working out hard for the next day or so my anger has pretty much dissipated.
Plus, I've had a chance to think about it. And I came to the realization that when a person is terribly damaged it's difficult for them to trust anyone – no matter how kindly that person treats them.
