I've known several people who found it almost impossible to forgive those who had hurt them. And one of them was my brother, who died of alcoholism and poor lifestyle choices at the age of 60.
When he'd meet someone new, within a short time he'd be telling them about how his former wife had run off with his best friend. He told the story with such passion and anger that people felt sorry for him. However, as the story went on the listener would learn that the incident he was telling about had occurred some 15 years earlier.
And a similar thing would happen with a woman that I've known for a number of years during my recovery. Within a few minutes of talking with someone she'd just met, she'd tell them what a son of a bitch her ex-husband was because he'd left her and her daughter to fend for themselves. Eventually, though, she'd reveal that he'd left some 18 years earlier.
Now, while these people had reason to feel bad about what happened to them, was it so important that they had to carry it with them for years? Living all that time in unforgiveness and anger?
This came up for me today when I was thinking about a young man who pretty much has destroyed his life over his inability to forgive and get rid of his anger. He had everything going for him. He had a family. He had a great paying job. He had respect in the community. People looked up to him and asked for his advice. Yet for some reason, he couldn't forgive and lay down his burdens and work through his issues.
Instead, he picked up a bag of dope and within a short time – maybe less than 90 days – he was homeless. It's a lesson for all of us.
We only have so much time on this planet. It took me over 35 years to forgive my alcoholic father after I spent many years drugging, drinking and spending time in prisons because of the rage I'd felt toward him since I was a child.
Once I was able to forgive, though, I was free to be my own person. And live in peace.
Forgiveness can save us from ourselves.
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Forgiveness can save us from ourselves.
Click here to email John
