The number one issue that seems to traumatize clients is if they were abused as children – either physically, emotionally or sexually or a combination of the three.
And indeed, these are some of the toughest issues to deal with, especially when a client also has a co-occurring drug issue. It often takes a long period of therapy for people who have many interwoven issues to make changes.
In my opinion, the best approach is if we are able to help the client see that they should bear no guilt or shame for what others did to them when they were so vulnerable and young. But that's easier said than done.
For oftentimes it's a family member who exploits the vulnerable child, leaving the victim with confusing memories of trauma imposed upon them by those who should be protecting them.
When a victim is very young it's difficult for them to make sense of a world where those they trust and love and depend on are crossing sacred boundaries. Many times they are unable to understand any part of it and are left in a swirl of shame, pain, and confusion.
When a victim carries such unresolved and conflicting issues into their teens and early 20s it's no wonder that they find drugs and alcohol such a relief. We often hear people say in 12 step meetings that the first time they got drunk or high is the first time that they felt like they belonged to the human race. All of a sudden all of their pain is abated and they feel a new sense of freedom.
So is there an easy or simple way to deal with trauma from our early childhood? The answer is that there is a way to deal with it. But it's probably never going to be painless or simple.
The answer is that we ultimately accept and assimilate what has happened to us. Unless we want to go through life carrying a burden of pain, depression, and sadness, we have to be able to accept the fact that there are many things that happen in our lives over which we have no control. We must accept that there are bad people in the world, sometimes even those who are supposed to protect and care for us.
Sometimes it's a tough choice to make: do we reopen old wounds in our quest for peace? Or do we just wait and hope that somehow time will heal us as our trauma disappears in the mists of the past? Whichever path we take, we must realize that our time on this planet is limited and that we want to live happy and free.
Otherwise, we might find ourselves doing a lifelong dance with alcohol, drugs, and therapists in our quest for peace of mind in an effort to mitigate our pain.
