Recovery Lessons

I once had a very good friend and for many years I did everything I could to help him rebuild his life. And eventually he became very successful. It was quite remarkable to see the changes in his life. Because when he came to us he had virtually nothing, including his health.

He was a hard worker and spent a lot of time trying to improve the program at TLC, which he did. He created special programs, and helped many clients get sober over the years.

He bought a home. He got married. He took lavish vacations. He bought a car, then two cars, then three cars, until soon he owned around a dozen automobiles or more. But the interesting thing is that as he became successful and sober and acquired more things, he seem to become less and less grateful and happy. He was angry at most everyone all the time. He was always right, even though he often knew very little of the subject he was talking about. He alienated his friends and became suspicious of everyone. And very few people would disagree with him, because he would explode in anger and throw tantrums. Most of the people who worked directly for him were fearful every time he came around.  It wasn't really worth the drama to get into a conversation with him about anything unless you totally agreed with his point of view. He was never wrong.

He even told me once that he could no longer trust me, even though I gave him the opportunity to become a millionaire and had provided him with a well paid position for many years.  Which he could have had for the rest of his life.  But at the point he stopped "trusting me" we went our separate ways.

I learned a great deal from this fellow over the years about human nature. I learned that people change for no apparent reason. I knew he was suffering from a few illnesses and I attributed the change in his behavior to the changes in his physical health. I'm not now and never have been really angry at him because anger serves no purpose for anyone. As the Buddha says: "You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger." Life is too precious and too short to waste our time wanting to always be right and being angry at everyone over things that really don't make any difference.

As I approach my 32nd year of sobriety I learned that we encounter all kinds of people in recovery. If they stick around for a long time, most of them improve and enjoy a happy life. But many of them are disappointed with what they find in recovery and they're still seeking that next best thing that will make their life better. It might be more property.  Maybe more money. It might be a better car. It might be a better relationship. Who knows?

Whatever it is, I hope this friend of mine finds it. 

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