A longtime acquaintance relapsed the other day, much to my surprise. He was a guy who sometimes hit four meetings on a weekend day. He had more than 10 years clean and sober. He chaired meetings. He served on committees. He sponsored others. He was the exemplary A.A. role model when it came to service and doing the right thing. I probably don't know anyone who who did as much service work as he did.
Yet, his employer gave him a drug test and he was dirty for a couple of drugs. He had alcohol in his car. It shouldn't have surprised me, yet it did because of his seeming dedication to the 12-Step way of life.
I'm not judging this guy. I'm only talking about him here because it illustrates the power of substances in the lives of alcoholics and addicts.
Because this guy was steeped in the program I try to imagine what led him to open up his life to something that he had to know would take him down. I know he had a sponsor because I'd met him a few times. What prevented him from picking up the phone and calling him? He also has many substance abusers around him on his job. Why couldn't he pull one of them aside and tell them he felt like using?
These are things that I have trouble understanding. But it shouldn't, because in the literature it says "...cunning, baffling, and powerful..." in reference to our susceptibility to substances. When we have flaws or cracks in our program we may succumb to using again even though we have all the knowledge and support in the world. But it's scary to seem someone so seemingly dedicated to recovery walk almost blindly back to using again.
Probably there is no explanation other than that "the insanity returns" and we fall once more. In any event, it's a lesson for me and my own recovery. When I see someone relapse who's been clean for a long time I realize that the enemy is still out there waiting.
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