One who truly is in recovery never has a problem finding things for which to be grateful. Until I was beat down enough to want to stop using, I always was unhappy about something. Once I got sober things changed for me very quickly. And with seemingly little effort on my part.
The first time I noticed that I was deeply grateful for what was going on in my life was about 30 years ago as I was riding to work on an old used bicycle that someone had sold me for about $20. It was a perfect sunny day, not to hot, nor too cold. I suddenly became aware of a sense of satisfaction about my life. I began to examine it because I hadn't felt that sense of well-being since I'd quit drugs and alcohol. And I wanted to know more about it and learn to maintain it.
I examined my emotions and realized that because I'd quit using I no longer lived in fear. I didn't have to worry about where I was going to get my next fix because I no longer needed heroin to survive. I didn't need to think about where to get the next drink because I didn't drink any more. I didn't have to look the other way when the police cruised by because I had no warrants for my arrest.
Because I'd found a halfway house that would accept me without money when I first left detox, I had a place to live with others who were trying to change their lives. I'd also found a sponsor who patiently took me through the steps of recovery.
All was just as it was supposed to be at that stage of my life. I had a job. A place to live. Supportive people around me who were facing the same challenges as I was. I really needed nothing more than I had at that moment. That was mid-1991.
Thirty-one years later, a few days before Thanksgiving 1992, I'm about as happy as I was that first day I noticed my level of gratitude while riding that bike. Oh, I have a lot more stuff. And financial security. Homes. Cars. More clothing and so on. But material things are superficial and fleeting. They come and go.
The gratitude I have today is the same as I had when I first noticed that I no longer live with fear and that I have a deep satisfaction in my life.
And I believe that as long as I remain grateful and continue my sobriety life will always be okay.
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