Tomorrow, on May 31, I'll be celebrating 84 years on the planet. Probably celebrating is not exactly the right word because I never thought that I would live this long, considering the life that I lived the first 51 years I was alive.
I recall that I was surprised when I turned 60. And just as surprised and maybe more so when I turned 70. 80 was also another milestone I never expected to reach.
In my experience not a lot of people spend the first 50 years of their life dissipating on drugs and alcohol. When I was in my early 30s I really didn't expect to live much longer than 40 years. I lived my life almost as if I had some kind of death wish. One of my wives once said that I lived like a wild dog, because I was constantly running the streets and hustling drugs until I would either get arrested or had to come home and recuperate for a few weeks.
I was always angry and never cared much about anything. My behavior constantly got me arrested and I spent 16 of my first 51 years locked up in various prisons or mental institutions. I spent so much time incarcerated that it felt strange to be out of custody. I was behind bars for so long that I became comfortable there and I'd lost my fear of being sent back.
It's not like I didn't enjoy freedom, but I just didn't know how to function without a lot of alcohol and drugs. And a person who is dependent on drugs and alcohol to get through their day usually ends up in some type of institution. That was the pattern I followed.
Today I live an entirely different kind of life. Last January I was sober 32 years, something I did celebrate. I look back on my life and I realize that being locked up when I was younger probably saved my life. I had a brother who was an alcoholic and who never spent one day in jail. But the fact that he never took a break from drinking or smoking marijuana or using speed had an impact on his health and he died at 60 – much too young.
Because I was incarcerated so long there are many years that I was never able to destroy my health with substances. Plus I had plenty of time to work out, read and write and study. I taught myself to speak read and write Spanish well enough that I worked a couple different jobs as an interpreter. I learned to write well enough that I was hired by a major metropolitan newspaper as a staff writer when I was released. I learned to look at my experiences as a drug addict more as a learning experience rather than something that has ruined my life. People said that I could've done the same thing out of prison that I did while I was in prison. But the difference is that most of the time I was locked up I was not under the influence and so I had to focus on doing something else with my life. While a lot of other prisoners only played dominoes or worked out, I used some of my time to try and improve my brain.
Becoming a senior citizen hasn't always been easy. About 10 years ago I developed neuropathy and now wear braces on both feet so that I'm able to walk fairly well. I've also had cancer twice and came through that okay. Even though I live a healthy life, I believe that all of the dissipation I engaged in while I was younger had a long-term effect on my health. When one gets to be in their 80s they can kind of expect parts to break down, sort of like an old car needs parts replaced once in a while. But I am blessed because I have insurance and a group of physicians that I can go to whenever I have a problem.
I look forward to more healthy years as long as I take care of myself - which I plan to do. I do my best to stay as healthy as I can because I didn't get sober to to be miserable. I have friends that I enjoy spending time with, plus I have an extended family that shows me a lot of love.
In conclusion, I would like to wish all of you reading this a long and prosperous life – which is what happens to a person when they live in sobriety.
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