The ugliness of Greed

The other day, a friend was in a home store and overheard a mother and daughter arguing loudly. In fact, they were so loud that he couldn't help but overhear what they were arguing about.

"How dare you!" shouted the daughter in the mother's face, "spend my inheritance money on a roof for your house?"

And the argument escalated from there and continued until the pair walked out of the store together. The mother had tears running down her face as they disappeared from sight.

Too often, I see grown children who somehow have gotten the idea that their parents' money belongs to them—even before they're cold in the ground.

I'm not quite sure where children get these ideas but I know mine are going to be disappointed when I go if they have the same expectations as this woman's daughter. I have a trust set up that will distribute what remains when I die, what remains when I leave this planet.

Greed is a terrible thing - and unfortunately, it runs in many families.

Be Here Now

Many of us live our lives going somewhere else, rather than being right here, right now.

We're going to be happy once we get out of school. We might envision having a wonderful career that will bring us personal satisfaction and the material things we long for.

Or we think that if we just have the right spouse we'll be happier. We'll no longer be lonely and we'll have companionship.

We might dream of owning a new automobile or home or taking a great vacation. These things take us out of the moment and into a fantasy landscape where we'll find joy and happiness.

Yet, as many of you know, the things I mentioned above might bring us temporary satisfaction. But in the long term, we get used to these things and they no longer fulfill us. And so off we go, looking for something else to fill that emptiness inside of us.

The reality is that we're not going to find happiness somewhere else or in something else. Yes, we might find a fleeting pleasure or a temporary joy in our acquisitions. But in the end, they usually let us down, not quite living up to our dreams.

Real happiness comes from living in the moment, living in the now. Being grateful for our health.  Enjoying the beauty of the world around us.  From realizing that the world isn't all about us and our egocentric dreams.

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Sobriety Reflections

The 14th of January I'll celebrate 34 years of recovery. God willing.

This came up for me because I was reflecting about what I was doing during the holiday season 34 years ago.

At that time I was supporting an addiction to heroin and alcohol. And I wasn't doing it by working. Or from the proceeds of a trust fund.

Each miserable day I'd drive around in a Mustang I'd stolen a few weeks earlier. My first goal would be to find alcohol. Wine was fine. Beer would do. But anything with alcohol in it was okay. Whatever I could shoplift was what I drank.

The alcohol took the edge off, gave me courage. Once I had some false courage I'd move on to steal something larger. Something that would allow me to buy heroin - my drug of choice.

I didn't care what it was. As long as I thought I could get it in the car and find a place to sell it, I'd take it. New clothes. Tools. Televisions. Computers. Cigarettes. Generators. Cameras. I looked for anything I could sell right away.

But something happened to me around that time. I don't know if it was a moment of clarity. A spiritual awakening. Or what it was. Maybe I was just tired.

But I somehow came to the realization that if I kept doing what I was doing I would be back in prison. I wasn't having fun. I was demoralized and depressed. My life had no purpose or meaning. And that's a horrible place to be - living a life without meaning.

Within a few weeks I found my way to detox. Then after that to a halfway house that accepted me without money.

And that put me on the path to the blessings I have in my life today.

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TLC Guarantees Recovery

It might sound brash or arrogant, but TLC guarantees 100% that you can get sober in our program. That is, if you do exactly what we ask you to do.

Never again will you cause yourself to be homeless. Never again will you end up in prison because you committed a crime to support your drug habit.  You will no longer lose your wife and children because you drink or use other substances.  You will enjoy a new life that you never imagined.

But the key to what I've promised here is the part that reads "...if you do exactly what we ask you to do..."  If you have the ability and self-discipline to follow a few simple rules you'll be able to live a clean and sober life.

Most of us have heard someone trying to explain why they relapsed.  And it's never about anything they did.  It was always their stupid boss, their mean girlfriend, the economy, etc.  It was never their fault that they picked up a bag of dope or a bottle from the liquor store.  They just couldn't help themselves.

But here at TLC we expose clients to the tools they need to change their lives. We have them go to 12-step meetings for ninety days.  We teach them anger management.  We offer them intensive outpatient treatment for 90 days and longer. 

We allow them to work outside the program after they're with us a while.  If they can't find employment on their own we find them jobs through our Labor Group.  Or we offer them employment working at TLC in various positions.

In other words, if a client relapses it's not because he doesn't have the tools. Because we taught him how to stay sober through our various programs.  He/she relapsed because they didn't use what they were taught during their time with us.

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Gratitude is the Fuel

 I was at a twelve-step meeting the other day where the topic was gratitude.

Now gratitude is brought up frequently at 12 step meetings, and anywhere recovering people gather. After all, gratitude is the fuel that drives recovery and when we lose it our recovery might go along with it.

But at this meeting, one person who shared had a different perspective on gratitude.

It was an older gentleman and he said we not only should be grateful for the good things in our life but that we should be grateful for everything in our life. Because he added, if we're only grateful when life's good then we're going to have a lot of time where we won't have any gratitude.

After all, he said, he never experienced much growth when things were wonderful. It was only when he had challenges – whether financial, physical health, relationships or whatever – and met the obstacles and moved on that he experienced growth. And once he went through some of these tough times he realized he had more ability and strength than he knew he had. And therefore he kept growing and was able to take on bigger and bigger challenges.

As I reflected upon what he was saying, I recall many articles that I've read where people talked about overcoming the challenges in their lives. They usually say that once they got on the other side of whatever they were facing they were bigger and better human beings because they survived the experience.

I left the meeting realizing that gratitude is something that I should apply to whatever I'm facing because the experience is an opportunity for growth.

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Tough Love

 A woman sent an email recently about her father, a man in his seventies, who'd relapsed and started using again.

She wrote that she and her husband had given him an ultimatum: they would no longer communicate with him or be in his life until he sought help.

By the tone of her email, I could tell that she was quite distressed by having to take that position with her father, who isn't in the best of health.

But in my opinion, that's the most loving thing she could have done for her father – to try to help him salvage the remaining years of his life and live them in health and sobriety.  I've never met this lady and admire her courage, because somewhere along the way she's learned tough love and has put it into action.  Even though he hasn't asked her for money or financial help, she doesn't want to socialize with him while he's under the influence of whatever poison he's putting in his body.

She's a rare species.  Because most family members I deal with are seeking some kind of magic potion that will instantly cure their loved ones without having to do anything painful to them. 

But this woman apparently understands that we addicts will use anyone we can to get whatever we want as long as we're in the grips of our disease.  We'll lie to our children, our wives, our parents, anyone we can take advantage of.  We'll steal from our employers, strangers, or anyone else who's vulnerable.  We'll risk our health, our freedom or sanity for that temporary rush of euphoria our drug of choice brings us.

And the best way to help someone who is caught up in addiction is exactly what this woman did. She and her husband presented a united front by taking a position with someone dear to them. Because they realize that the father has the choice. 

And the choice is his family or the poison that he's putting into his body.

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Thanksgiving

 For those of us in recovery, Thanksgiving day doesn't just happen once a year. We celebrate Thanksgiving each day of our recovery.

When I arise in the morning I awaken to a world of peace and tranquility. While at one time when I got out of bed my first thought was where was I going to get my next drink or drug? Where could I find something to steal to satisfy my drug habit? Which convenience store could I steal a bottle of wine from, so as to get enough courage to go steal something bigger? My life was always a dark place where my only mission was to satisfy my cravings for alcohol and drugs.

But today my mode of living is mostly one of gratitude. Yes, once in a while I'm in a bad place and start to get off track. However, I immediately catch myself and get back in focus. All I have to do is to remember where I came from and what I went through trying to be out of my mind 24 hours a day. And that snaps me back to the reality of the present moment.

Today I plan to spend Thanksgiving in the company of family and friends. Some of them are blood family, others are my recovery family. And I reflect that until I got clean and sober I had none of these people around me. They're good people who care about me and what happens to me. People I can count on.

In the recovery world, we spent a lot of time talking about gratitude. And that's because gratitude puts an invisible shield around us that protects us from the temptations of drugs and alcohol.

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Vigilance during the Holidays

The holiday season, while often seen as a time of joy and celebration, can pose significant challenges for those recovering from addiction. We addicts and alcoholics must remain vigilant during this period due to several factors that can threaten sobriety. 

Increased Stress and Emotional Triggers

The holidays are notorious for increasing stress levels due to various factors such as financial strain, family gatherings, and heightened expectations. For those in recovery, these stressors can act as powerful triggers that may lead to relapse. Emotional triggers, including feelings of loneliness or nostalgia for past holiday experiences involving substance use, can also surface during this time.

Social Pressures and Availability of Substances

Holiday gatherings often involve alcohol and sometimes drugs, which can create a challenging environment for those in recovery. The social pressure to partake in drinking or drug use can be overwhelming, especially when surrounded by friends or family who may not understand the importance of sobriety. The pervasive presence of substances at parties and celebrations increases the risk of relapse for recovering addicts and alcohol. 

Disruption of Routine and Support Systems

The holiday season can disrupt daily routines and support systems that are crucial for maintaining sobriety. Regular attendance at support group meetings, such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), may be interrupted by travel or holiday schedules. This disruption can leave us feeling isolated and without the necessary support to navigate the challenges of the season.

Strategies for Maintaining Sobriety

Identify and Avoid Triggers: Recognize situations or emotions that could lead to relapse and plan ways to avoid or manage them.

Lean on Support Networks: Stay connected with sponsors, friends, or support groups who understand the journey of recovery. Attending AA meetings, even while traveling, can provide essential support.

Plan Ahead: Prepare for holiday events by bringing a sober friend or having an exit strategy if the environment becomes too challenging.

Focus on Self-Care: Prioritize activities that promote physical and emotional well-being, such as exercise, meditation, and adequate rest.

By staying vigilant and proactive, those of us in recovery can navigate the holiday season successfully while maintaining our sobriety.

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Getting Along

Can't we all just get along?" Rodney King

Rodney King's appeal to bring calm during the Watts' riots sounds simple. And his words are often quoted today.

I thought of what he said when I heard of a large family that wasn't getting along. In fact, the couple I spoke with left town to be away from the family during the holidays. Their alternative was to stay home and have to deal with the dysfunction.

Often drama like this occurs when some family members are alcoholics or addicts. And that's the case with this family. The non-addicts in the group are the ones who get away because they're tired of the drama.

The alcoholics in the family do their best to manipulate the sober ones. They use the children, the grandchildren, money and business. Anything they can to instill guilt.

But because the couple is tired of the drama, backstabbing, and infighting, they no longer care. They just want to get along - which they know won't happen.

At least until the drinking stops.

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Gratitude

 I often talk of gratitude in this blog because I believe it is one of the greatest characteristics a human can have.  If we are fortunate enough to have gratitude for our circumstances and lives we can be happy and free of stress.

Yet, I know many people who are ungrateful because of something they want but don't have that they feel they deserve.  However, had they been with me once when I crossed into Tijuana, Mexico for an afternoon visit,then they might have changed their thinking. They might have been happy for their present circumstances,

It was like walking into another world.   I immediately realized why it is considered a third world country.  Everywhere one walks beggars are reaching out with open hands, and are grateful for whatever they receive.  Most look as though they hadn't bathed in days.  They wore raggedy clothing, sweat stained, and odorous.

When one feels ungrateful look around and you'll find someone who has less than you, who has more problems and challenges.  I guarantee they are there.

And when you see them you'll know gratitude.

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Thanksgiving is Near

This is a time of giving thanks. For being grateful for what we have in our lives right now.

Even the history of Thanksgiving is murky and somewhat debatable, starting somewhere around 1621. The core factor is that the celebration evolved from those who were grateful for a successful harvest, for surviving another year, for a new child and other blessings.

For many who live in halfway houses or who are recovering from addiction it can sometimes be difficult to find things to be grateful for. Many of our clients have pasts that led them to use drugs or alcohol to the point where they could no longer function "normally." Many of them took trips to prison, have developed poor health, and have picked up little in the way of job or career skills. Some may have been divorced or lost touch with their family.

Even if you are someone who falls into this category there are still things you can be grateful for. You're alive. And if you're reading this sentence you still have your cognitive skills. Something to be thankful for.

After working in the recovery field for over 32 years, I've seen hundreds of men and women do phenomenal things with their lives. First, they became clean and sober. Then many of them have gone to school, started a business or even gotten married and are raising a family.

As addicts we often feel that we have a natural right to feel good once we get sober. But that's not the case. Life has its ups and downs. It’s as natural to feel good as it is to feel bad.

But when we are living a life of recovery we learn to deal with both negatives and positives of life without reverting to our old friends – drugs or alcohol.

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Gratitude Benefits

I was talking to a recovering client today who told me that she always went back to using drugs or alcohol because she was depressed.

I asked her to tell me about her depression. Had she been suffering from it for a long time? Was there ever a time when she was happy and positive? In her memory, what was the happiest period of her life?

She said that there had been periods when she was happy. But then the happiness seemed to become normal and ordinary and then her depression would creep back.  And she would be off to the liquor store or dope house.

I decided to offer her some suggestions about how to have conversations with herself that would put her life into a more positive trajectory.

Many times people grow up with unrealistic expectations about how life should be. We go to school, get good grades, graduate and expect to land a dream job. But for many people, that scenario doesn't play out.

Instead, they find that it's a tough, competitive job market out there.  And that they're just another face filling out applications. In fact, I often read about college graduates in their thirties still living with their parents because they haven't found a career opportunity in spite of having graduated in the top half of their class.

In this woman's case, she'd been divorced once, was raising a child by herself, and had been successful as a professional person who made a good salary. For a period of time, she had a nice home and car but eventually, drugs and alcohol caused her to lose everything. Plus the state had taken custody of her child until she could prove that she could live a sober life. Which is why she was with us.

I gave her this prescription which I found has helped me and some of our clients to get over bouts of depression. And no, it's not a pill. However, it does require a minimal amount of work. And it goes like this: every morning when you wake up write down five things that you are grateful for.

You might think as you read this that you're not grateful for anything. And that may be true. In fact, the woman who is the subject of this blog asked me what she had to be grateful for. Here she is trapped in this recovery program. She doesn't have her child with her. Her family is angry at her. She doesn't have a car. She's in a minimum wage job at a fast-food restaurant. She's back at the bottom again.

So I asked her to reframe her thinking and stop looking at what she didn't have. Instead, perhaps she should focus on what she did have. And by the look on her face, I could see that I hadn't really reached her. So I continued, asking her why she couldn't see the positive side of her situation right now.

First of all, she is in a safe place where she can focus on her recovery and her psychological issues. Her child is in safe hands. She has a chance to regain custody of her child when she graduates from our program and finds a job and a place to live. She has her freedom, which many addicts have lost because of the crimes they committed while they were using. She is still relatively young and healthy. Her parents are beginning to talk to her again because they see that she's trying to help herself. She's making a few sober friends.

I asked her to start writing a gratitude list every morning for a week, then come back to me with what she had written. She halfheartedly agreed to do it and I told her I was looking forward to see what she came up with.

Many times in life we addicts have a lot of false expectations about how life should be. And therein lies the problem. Because life, if we live it on a daily basis, is an up and down proposition. Everyone on the planet has good days and bad days - some more than others. But if we can develop the perspective that this is just the way life is then we develop resilience and can bounce back much faster when we fall into moments of depression. Any time I start falling into depression I look around me and find someone who's life is a much bigger mess than mine or who is much less fortunate than I. And when I do that I

suddenly back on track.

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Escaping Pain

When I first entered recovery 33 years ago I just wanted the pain to stop. I had no real plans beyond that. Just stop the pain.

There were no grandiose ideas about getting back into the business world. Once more becoming a top salesman. Having a nice apartment. A great income. A sports car. A relationship. None of that. It was about escaping the painful life I was living. That was all.

But after a few months in a halfway house I knew I had to do something with my life. I had a young daughter to provide for. Back child support to pay. Amends to make.

But I wanted to do more than make a living. I'd done that most of my life. But it didn't keep me sober. I needed to have meaning - a purpose - for being alive.

And I needed to do something that was compatible with my recovery. A former employer had hired me back and was paying me survival wages. But my heart was no longer in the corporate realm.

So I decided to start a small recovery program on the side. Maybe a few houses with fifty or so beds. Sort of an avocation to keep me involved with what was - and is - important in life. Living sober.

And I bring this up because a client gave me a card a few days ago - thanking me for starting TLC. It was a nice card, containing gratitude and sentiment. And I appreciated it. It sort of portrayed me as self-sacrificing, as more giving than I was at the time.

But the truth is that I started this program to save myself. And it has worked - I've stayed pain-free and sober 33 years.

The fact that others also got help over the years is an additional blessing. An unexpected result of a drug addict trying to escape the cycle of pain and misery.

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John is on Vacation Until November 3

Making Amends in 12-Step Programs: A Path to Healing

Making amends is a pivotal step in many 12-step programs, serving as a crucial component of personal recovery and growth. Step 8 invites individuals to make a list of those they have harmed, while Step 9 encourages direct amends wherever possible. This process is not merely about apologizing; it’s a transformative journey that fosters accountability, healing, and reconciliation.

The act of making amends starts with reflection. It requires an honest inventory of one’s past actions and the impact they have had on others. This can be an emotionally charged process, as individuals confront uncomfortable truths about their behavior and its consequences. Acknowledging these actions is the first step toward genuine repentance.When preparing to make amends, it’s essential to approach the situation with humility and sincerity. This isn’t about seeking forgiveness or absolution; it’s about taking responsibility. For many, this means reaching out to those they’ve hurt and expressing remorse for specific actions. A heartfelt apology can be incredibly healing for both the giver and the receiver.

However, making amends isn’t always straightforward. In some cases, it may be inappropriate or even harmful to reach out directly. The 12-step philosophy emphasizes that the intention behind making amends is what matters most. Even if a direct apology isn’t possible, individuals can still find ways to make amends through personal changes and living a more responsible life.

Additionally, the process of making amends can strengthen an individual’s support network. Sharing experiences and seeking guidance from sponsors or support groups can provide valuable insights and encouragement. This collective understanding can help individuals navigate the complex emotions that arise during this process.

Ultimately, making amends is about fostering healing, both for oneself and for those affected. It’s a step toward mending relationships and rebuilding trust, laying the foundation for a more authentic, responsible, and connected life in recovery. Through this journey, individuals not only find redemption but also the opportunity for profound personal growth.

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Higher Power

 Higher Power is a term is a term that one hears frequently in the twelve-step programs.

And Higher Power is a term that a lot of new addicts and alcoholics have a problem with. And I suppose, in some ways, that this is understandable. After all, most addicts and alcoholics that we meet at 12 step meetings or treatment programs didn't get there because they were on a winning streak. They almost all arrived there because life, in one way or the other, kicked their asses.

And Higher Power pops up a lot in the rooms and sometimes one even hears the word "God." And if one wants to have problem with the twelve-step programs this is an easy and obvious way to start. A lot of people object to the idea of having to believe in anything or anybody – especially a power greater than themselves.

But if one sticks around the rooms long enough and is under the guidance of a wise sponsor she/he will come to understand that there are many powers and forces in our world that are greater than ourselves.

My personal opinion – and I emphasize that this is my personal opinion – is that people use the idea of "God" or "Higher Power" as a way to not commit to the program, as a sort of backdoor because they really haven't yet committed to their sobriety and recovery. Now I could understand their feelings if some denominational church or worldwide religion were pushing this idea upon them. And there are churches that do have twelve-step programs. But as far as I know, none are registered with the central office of any of the twelve-step programs that I'm familiar with.

For those who have trouble with the concept of a higher power I suggest they think of it in a more philosophical fashion. Perhaps they take a walk on the beach, sit down, and marvel as the waves roll into the shore, then recede gently back into the depths of the ocean. One doesn't have to believe in God to accept the idea that a power greater than themselves has created this marvel they are witnessing. Or perhaps they take a walk into a forest or canyon and recognize that some force greater than themselves created that wonderful landscape.

And sometimes I see things as being created by a power greater than myself – a spiritual force – in modern projects. I once drove two to three times a month between Phoenix and Las Vegas on business on US Highway 93 over about 12 years. I passed over the Colorado River via Hoover dam on each trip, where a bridge was being built so that people wouldn't have to drive across the dam any longer. It took some seven years to build the dam, which is considered the longest concrete arch in the world. And during my trips I would observe the project as it slowly arose from each bank of the Colorado River where it was to meet in the center. I marveled at the expanse of the project. I was amazed that a group of human beings could cooperate in such a way as to create what is a truly amazing structure when looked at from below. (Driving over the bridge from the top, one might barely notice it if they weren't aware of the project before hand.)

I was able to witness the project from beginning to end, and because I only took trips out there every few weeks I could see the slow progress of the project and marvel at the idea of so many diverse people working together toward one goal. And when they finally completed the arch it was reported that it was only three quarters of an inch off from one side of the concrete span to the other – which to me was a miracle.

One doesn't have to look far to see powers greater than themselves: think the corona virus that's spread all over today's news, witness the devastation of typhoons and hurricanes and forest fires and floods and perhaps visualize yourself as having more power than such forces. It's okay if someone doesn't want to get sober. But to use the concept of a Higher Power as an excuse to not do so is rather naive.

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Reaching Out

A concept of the 12-step programs is that we give it away to keep it. Helping others is a stepping stone to our recovery. And giving it away works as well outside the meeting rooms as it does inside.

Often at TLC we encounter clients who’ve been sober a few months who say they don’t feel like they’re “making progress.” They feel stuck in their programs. The early rush of being clean and sober has somewhat dissipated, the euphoria of the pink cloud has left. 

Our recommendation is that the client gets busy helping others. Some protest that they have nothing to give because they’ve been sober only a few months. They don’t have enough experience or credibility to help another addict or alcoholic. But that’s not so.

In my early recovery I couldn’t relate to those who had several years in the program. Their experiences were good, but I was too new. However, when I met someone who had six months, I found some common ground. Six months seemed like something doable.

If we have a week sober we can reach out to the newcomer who has but a few hours or days. Our short time of being drug or alcohol free says to the newcomer that it’s possible make it – at least a little ways.  A hug, a cigarette, a smile are little things that make them feel welcome.

Reaching out to others shows them they’re not alone on this path to happy destiny.

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The Importance of Regular Attendance at 12-Step Meetings

Regular attendance at 12-step meetings can be a cornerstone of success for those on the journey to recovery. While many factors contribute to maintaining sobriety, these meetings offer a unique blend of support, accountability, and community that is vital for long-term recovery.

First and foremost, 12-step meetings provide a safe space for individuals to share their experiences, struggles, and triumphs. This sharing fosters a sense of connection that can be profoundly healing. Knowing that others have faced similar challenges can alleviate feelings of isolation and shame, which are often triggers for relapse. The encouragement and understanding from peers can remind individuals that they are not alone in their journey.

Accountability is another crucial aspect of regular meeting attendance. When individuals commit to attending meetings, they establish a routine that reinforces their dedication to sobriety. The consistency of these gatherings helps to create a structured environment that encourages self-discipline. Regular check-ins with fellow members can serve as a reminder of personal goals and the importance of staying focused on recovery.

Moreover, 12-step meetings emphasize the importance of service and giving back. By participating in discussions or helping new members, individuals reinforce their own recovery while fostering a sense of purpose. This cycle of giving and receiving support strengthens the recovery community and provides a profound sense of belonging.

Lastly, the principles and steps of the 12-step program offer a framework for personal growth. Engaging regularly with these concepts allows individuals to reflect on their progress and continually work on self-improvement. Each meeting is an opportunity to learn something new, whether it’s a different perspective on a problem or a fresh insight into one’s own behaviors.

In conclusion, regular attendance at 12-step meetings is not just beneficial; it’s essential for many on the path to recovery. By building connections, maintaining accountability, contributing to the community, and embracing personal growth, individuals can create a solid foundation for a clean and sober life.

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Acts of Kindness

Several years back a photo of a police officer giving a pair of shoes to a homeless man in New York City made worldwide news. It was a moving photo, one that resulted in the officer being lauded for his kind behavior.  It was very kind of him to spend his own money on this homeless man. Indeed, his behavior is an example to us all.

But later, after reflecting on this incident and all the publicity it generated, I wondered why this particular act of kindness generated such publicity?  Maybe it was because the giver was a police officer and the recipient was homeless – in a city that supposedly has a reputation for being callous. I'm not sure.

During my 22+ years of recovery I've encountered many generous people who've gone out of their way to help others. Some of this help has been given anonymously. Other times it's been in the public eye. In fact, acts of kindness are so common in this part of the world that they generate little or no attention. We look upon it as near normal.

A while back a man told me of some associates who are remodeling the home of a woman who's about to die of terminal cancer. They've dug into their pockets to build ramps, widen bathroom doors, and do other things to make her last days easier. These folks bring minimal attention to themselves. As I said acts of kindness happen here all the time.

For me the benefit of the publicity about this police officer giving this man shoes is that it brings attention to acts of kindness. 

And it illustrates one of the most important commandments in the Bible: love thy neighbor. We can do more of this - not only during holidays - but year around.

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The Ripple Effect of Living Sober: Transforming Families and Communities

Living sober is a powerful decision that resonates far beyond the individual. When someone embarks on this journey, the impact can be profound, touching the lives of family members and radiating outward to the broader community.

For families, the effects of sobriety can be transformative. Individuals who embrace a sober lifestyle often experience improved emotional and physical health, leading to stronger relationships. Communication typically becomes more open and honest, fostering an environment of trust and support. Sober parents can provide a more stable and nurturing home, creating a positive foundation for their children. Kids benefit from the presence of engaged and attentive parents, which can break cycles of addiction and trauma that may have been passed down through generations.

Moreover, sober living can enhance family dynamics. Family members may notice a reduction in conflict, as the chaos often associated with substance abuse diminishes. This newfound stability allows families to spend quality time together, strengthening bonds and encouraging healthier activities. The positive changes can inspire relatives and friends to reevaluate their own relationships with substances, promoting a ripple effect of sobriety.

On a larger scale, the benefits of living sober extend to communities. Sober individuals are often more engaged citizens, contributing positively to society. They tend to volunteer more, participate in local events, and foster a sense of belonging. As sobriety becomes more prevalent in a community, the collective mindset shifts towards health and wellness, leading to lower crime rates, reduced healthcare costs, and increased economic productivity.

Moreover, the visibility of sober living can help challenge the stigma surrounding addiction, encouraging others to seek help and fostering a culture of support and understanding. This creates a cycle of positivity that uplifts not just individuals, but entire communities.

In conclusion, living sober is not just a personal triumph; it is a catalyst for change that nurtures families and enriches communities. By embracing sobriety, we contribute to a healthier, more connected world—one where support, love, and resilience flourish.

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The Hedonic Treadmill

One of the characteristic beliefs of many addicts - and non-addicts - is that money will bring them success and happiness.  Not so.  

Now there's little doubt that money will bring us a degree of pleasure, at least on a temporary basis.  But when we tire of that pleasure, we think that maybe a little more will make our lives wonderful.  So, we work to get a bigger house.  A nicer car.  A better wardrobe.  More jewelry.  And stuff that we think will fulfill our lives.

In psychology it is often described as the "hedonic treadmill."  I run and run harder and faster to accumulate more stuff.  Then I'll be happy.  But sooner or later we find that more stuff is not the key to happiness.  Many wear themselves out on the treadmill, and soon realize that there are other ways to happiness aside from accumulating stuff that only brings pleasure for while.

Those who get off that path may decide to improve their lives by going to school.  Learning to play a musical instrument.  Joining a church. Volunteering at a senior center, or becoming active in sponsoring others in recovery.

When we devote ourselves to learning a new skill or to helping others improve their lives then we find true happiness.

I once thought the same way:  that a lot of material things would make me happy.  But once I got those things they didn't give me what I wanted.   

So I devoted my life to helping others change for the better and achieve their goals in life.  That's what brought me the happiness that I have today.

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How Alcoholics Anonymous Improves Lives

Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) has been a beacon of hope for millions of people struggling with alcohol addiction since its founding in 1935. Through its unique approach, AA provides a supportive, non-judgmental environment where individuals can work towards recovery at their own pace. It’s not just a place to stop drinking, but a space where lives are transformed and restored in deeply meaningful ways.

One of the key reasons AA is so effective is the sense of community it fosters. Addiction can be an isolating experience, leading individuals to feel alone and misunderstood. AA combats this by creating a safe space where members share their stories and challenges, offering encouragement and empathy. This shared experience helps reduce the shame and guilt that often accompany addiction, showing members that they are not alone in their struggle. The power of this fellowship cannot be overstated, as human connection is a vital part of healing.

Central to the AA philosophy is the Twelve Steps, a structured program designed to guide individuals through the process of self-reflection, accountability, and personal growth. These steps encourage members to acknowledge their addiction, make amends for past mistakes, and develop a new, healthier lifestyle. This process promotes self-awareness and accountability, essential ingredients for lasting recovery. Members are encouraged to take ownership of their actions while also letting go of the burdens they cannot control, helping them find inner peace and purpose beyond their addiction.

In addition to the emotional and psychological benefits, AA offers practical support for those in recovery. Regular meetings provide a consistent structure, helping individuals replace unhealthy habits with positive routines. Members are also paired with sponsors—more experienced members who provide one-on-one guidance and support. This mentor-like relationship is invaluable, as it helps individuals navigate challenges that may arise, from cravings to social pressures, with the wisdom of someone who has been there.

AA’s impact goes beyond the individual member—it also improves relationships and communities. As individuals gain control over their addiction, they often repair broken relationships with loved ones and contribute more positively to society. Families are reunited, trust is rebuilt, and personal achievements long overshadowed by addiction are rediscovered.

In conclusion, Alcoholics Anonymous does much more than help people stop drinking; it offers a comprehensive approach to recovery that fosters personal growth, strengthens relationships, and restores a sense of community. For many, AA is not just a lifeline, but a path to a brighter, more fulfilling future.

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Gratitude is Real

Yesterday I ran into one of our longtime employees on the sidewalk in front of my office.

"How are you doing?" I asked him.

"My life couldn't be better," he told me, as he gave me a hug.

Then he proceeded to tell me how grateful he is for the way he lives today. He said he has a wife who loves him, a young son who greets him every day at the front door with a big hug when he gets home from work, and he's moving into a better home in a nicer neighborhood.

Then he went on to explain how he'd have nothing in his life today if he hadn't stopped using drugs after he got out of prison several years ago. He gives the credit to TLC and the circle of friends who have supported him in his sobriety.

And this man's attitude is not unique. Another gentleman I work with on a daily basis rarely lets the week go by without reminding me of how grateful he is. He says that when he turns the key in his front door after work each day he has a sense of gratitude for having a place to live and work. He remembers that six years ago he was homeless and in the grips of a serious drug and alcohol addiction. He makes it a point to express his gratitude for the way he lives today. And it shows up in his demeanor and the way he carries himself around our corporate office.

It's rewarding to talk to either one of these gentlemen because I always walk away feeling good about life. Their gratitude is contagious and they lift up those who come into contact with them.

Gratitude is a topic that often comes up in 12 step meetings. So much so that it's almost a cliché topic. Yet, more than probably any other characteristic an alcoholic or addict can have, gratitude is the fuel that keeps a person clean and sober.

I've never heard anyone say that they were so grateful that they felt like getting drunk or high. Instead, I hear just the reverse. What I hear them say is, "I lost my gratitude for what I had. I quit going to meetings. I quit talking to my sponsor. The next thing I knew I was drunk and homeless and had lost everything."

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The Promises

The 12-step program, originally created by Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) in the 1930s, has been embraced by millions as a roadmap for overcoming addiction and finding personal recovery. Central to this process are "The Promises"—a set of optimistic outcomes that participants are said to experience as they work through the steps. These Promises highlight the hope that exists on the other side of addiction, offering a vision of life transformed by sobriety, healing, and personal growth.

The Promises are often read during 12-step meetings, serving as a reminder that recovery is not just about abstaining from substances, but about reclaiming one's life. They describe a future where fear and anxiety diminish, where peace and serenity replace chaos, and where relationships with others and oneself are healed. As one works through the steps, there is a growing sense of emotional stability, self-acceptance, and spiritual connection. This transformation helps people who have felt lost, hopeless, or trapped to find a sense of freedom and purpose.

Among the most notable promises is the idea that "we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it." This speaks to the transformative power of the 12 steps—not erasing the past, but learning from it. The pain and mistakes of addiction are reframed as stepping stones toward wisdom and strength. Another key promise is that "fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us." This reflects the deeper emotional healing that often comes with long-term recovery—feeling secure, capable, and connected in ways that once seemed impossible.

While The Promises are not guarantees, they represent the profound changes that many have experienced. They offer a guiding light, reminding participants that recovery is not just about surviving without a substance, but thriving in all areas of life. With dedication to the steps, these promises hold the potential to become a reality, restoring hope to those who might have lost it.

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Benefits of Kindness

In a world that often feels fast-paced and competitive, it’s easy to overlook the simple yet profound impact of kindness. Yet, cultivating kindness can be one of the most effective strategies for achieving success in both personal and professional realms.

Building Connections

At its core, kindness fosters connections. When we act with kindness, we create an environment of trust and openness. People are naturally drawn to those who treat them with respect and compassion. Whether it’s a warm smile, a compliment, or a helping hand, these small gestures can open doors to new friendships, partnerships, and opportunities. Networking becomes less about transactional interactions and more about genuine relationships built on mutual respect.

Enhancing Well-being

Kindness is not just beneficial for others; it’s also advantageous for ourselves. Research shows that performing acts of kindness releases endorphins, boosting our mood and overall well-being. When we make a habit of being kind, we cultivate a positive mindset that can improve our resilience in the face of challenges. This emotional fortitude is essential for navigating the ups and downs of life and can propel us toward our goals.

Creating a Supportive Environment

In the workplace, kindness can transform the culture of an organization. A supportive atmosphere enhances collaboration, creativity, and productivity. When employees feel valued and appreciated, they are more likely to invest their energy into their work, leading to higher job satisfaction and reduced turnover. Leaders who model kindness inspire their teams to adopt similar behaviors, fostering a cycle of positivity that benefits everyone involved.

Leading by Example

Finally, kindness is contagious. When we demonstrate kindness, we encourage others to follow suit. A simple act of generosity can spark a chain reaction, creating a ripple effect that spreads throughout communities. By embodying kindness, we can contribute to a culture of compassion that enhances our collective well-being.

In conclusion, kindness is a powerful tool that can propel us forward in life. By building connections, enhancing our well-being, creating supportive environments, and leading by example, we can unlock a world of opportunities. So, let’s make kindness our default setting and watch how far it takes us.

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Finding Peace and Serenity in the World of 12-Step Recovery

In a world often filled with chaos and uncertainty, the 12-step recovery program offers a unique sanctuary of peace and serenity. For those navigating the challenges of addiction or other life-altering struggles, this structured approach not only facilitates healing but also fosters a profound sense of community and belonging.

At the core of the 12-step philosophy is the recognition of a higher power, which can be a guiding force in the journey towards recovery. This concept encourages individuals to relinquish control over their lives and trust in something greater than themselves. This shift in perspective can bring about a sense of relief, allowing individuals to let go of their burdens and embrace a more tranquil state of mind.

The supportive community within 12-step programs is another crucial element contributing to this serene environment. Meetings offer a safe space where individuals can share their experiences without judgment. Listening to others’ stories of struggle and triumph fosters empathy and connection, reminding participants that they are not alone. This shared vulnerability creates a profound sense of unity and understanding, paving the way for healing and personal growth.

Moreover, the principles of honesty, humility, and service embedded in the 12-step process promote inner peace. By encouraging individuals to confront their pasts, make amends, and help others, the program instills a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Engaging in service work not only aids others but also reinforces one’s own recovery journey, nurturing a spirit of gratitude and contentment.

Practicing mindfulness is also integral to recovery. Many individuals find solace in meditation and reflection, which are often emphasized in 12-step literature. These practices cultivate awareness and help individuals stay grounded, reducing anxiety and fostering a sense of peace amidst life’s challenges.

Ultimately, the world of 12-step recovery offers a pathway to serenity. Through community support, spiritual growth, and personal accountability, individuals can find healing and rediscover joy in everyday life. In this nurturing environment, peace is not just a destination; it becomes a way of life.

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When you don't want to go to a Meeting

There are days when the idea of attending a 12-step meeting feels like a daunting task, especially if you’re struggling with low motivation or other personal challenges. It’s easy to think, “I’ll go next time,” but here’s why pushing yourself to attend is crucial to your recovery journey, even when you don’t feel like it.

Firstly, consistency is key in any recovery process. Just like regular exercise helps maintain physical health, consistent participation in meetings supports your mental and emotional well-being. Missing a meeting might seem harmless in the short term, but over time, these absences can create gaps in your support system and weaken your commitment to recovery.

Secondly, meetings provide a valuable space for connection. When you’re feeling isolated or disconnected, attending a meeting can remind you that you’re not alone in your struggles. Listening to others share their experiences can provide new perspectives and insights that you might not have considered. Sometimes, hearing someone else’s story can be the catalyst for your own breakthrough or inspire a fresh approach to your challenges.

Moreover, meetings are structured environments where accountability is built into the process. By committing to attend, you’re holding yourself accountable to your own recovery goals. This commitment reinforces the importance of staying on track and helps you resist the urge to slip into old habits or thought patterns.

Another benefit is the opportunity to help others. Sharing your own experiences, even when you’re not feeling your best, can be incredibly therapeutic. It reinforces your progress and can provide a sense of purpose and accomplishment. Your contribution could also be exactly what someone else needs to hear, fostering a reciprocal support system that benefits everyone involved.

Lastly, attending meetings is an act of self-care. It’s a reminder that you’re investing in your own health and recovery, even when it feels challenging. By making the effort to show up, you’re reinforcing your commitment to yourself and your recovery journey.

So, the next time you’re contemplating skipping a meeting, remember that pushing through those moments of reluctance can make a significant difference in your long-term recovery. Every step you take keeps you on the path to happiness and freedom.

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The Wisdom of Buddha in Recovery

In the journey of recovery from addiction, particularly through the framework of 12-step programs, wisdom from diverse sources can offer profound insights. One such piece of wisdom comes from Buddha: “We will not be punished for our anger; we will be punished by our anger.” This timeless teaching can serve as a powerful tool for those in recovery from drugs and alcohol.

Anger, often a byproduct of unresolved issues and deep-seated frustrations, can be a significant hurdle in recovery. For individuals navigating the complexities of addiction recovery, managing anger is not just about maintaining serenity but also about fostering a path to long-term sobriety and well-being. Buddha’s insight underscores a critical point: anger itself isn’t a punitive force imposed from outside but rather a self-destructive force within us.

In the context of 12-step programs, this wisdom is particularly relevant. Steps such as making amends (Step 9) and continuing to take personal inventory (Step 10) require individuals to confront and address their past wrongdoings and emotional turbulence. Anger, if left unchecked, can derail this process, turning potential growth into ongoing struggle.

Here’s how Buddha’s saying can be practically applied in recovery:

1. Recognize the Self-Destructive Nature of Anger: Understanding that anger punishes us internally—by fueling resentment, creating stress, and impacting relationships—helps individuals in recovery see it as a barrier rather than a justified reaction. This recognition can motivate them to adopt healthier coping mechanisms.

2. Implement Mindfulness Practices: Mindfulness and meditation, integral to many recovery programs, can help manage anger. By being present and observing one’s emotions without judgment, individuals can break the cycle of anger and prevent it from escalating into self-destructive behavior.

3. Seek Support and Guidance: Just as Steps 1 through 3 emphasize seeking a higher power and community support, addressing anger often requires reaching out for help. Sharing feelings with a sponsor, therapist, or support group can provide perspective and alternative ways to handle anger.

4. Forgive and Let Go: Forgiveness is a key component of many 12-step principles. By letting go of anger towards oneself and others, individuals can move forward with greater peace and clarity, reducing the emotional burdens that may have contributed to their addiction.

In essence, Buddha’s teaching about anger serves as a reminder that healing and recovery are as much about managing our internal states as they are about addressing external actions. By embracing this wisdom, those in 12-step programs can navigate their journey with greater equanimity and find lasting serenity in their pursuit of a healthier life, 

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Do I Need a Sponsor?

In the journey of recovery, sponsorship stands out as one of the most impactful elements within 12-step programs. A sponsor is more than just a guide; they are a mentor, a confidant, and often a lifeline to maintaining sobriety and personal growth.

The essence of sponsorship lies in the shared experience and mutual support. A sponsor, having walked the path of recovery, brings invaluable firsthand insight to the table. They offer practical advice, emotional support, and, importantly, a sense of hope that recovery is possible. This relationship is built on trust and empathy, enabling individuals to openly discuss their struggles without fear of judgment.

One of the primary benefits of having a sponsor is accountability. Regular check-ins and conversations with a sponsor help individuals stay on track with their recovery goals. The sponsor’s experience can also provide perspective, helping the sponsee navigate the complexities of their emotions and behaviors that are part of the recovery process.

Moreover, sponsorship fosters a sense of community and belonging. The sponsor-sponsee relationship often extends beyond the meetings, creating a supportive network that can help individuals feel less isolated. This connection can be crucial, especially during challenging times when the risk of relapse may be high.

Additionally, the act of sponsoring others can reinforce one’s own recovery. For many sponsors, guiding others through their journey solidifies their own commitment to sobriety and personal development. It creates a cycle of giving and receiving support that enriches the recovery experience for everyone involved.

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Return of the Family

One result of addiction is that many addicts and alcoholics eventually lose their families.

Of course, it doesn't happen right away. Many times families exhibit unusual patience and spend thousands of dollars trying to get an addict back on track. But finally many of them give up. Their addicted family member has stolen from them. Maybe they've gone to prison or jail a few times. Perhaps they've been in accidents. Or maybe ended up in the emergency room after an overdose. The emotional baggage overwhelms many families and they understandably give up hope.

When I first came into recovery nearly 34 years ago I had a few phone numbers, but none of them really wanted a call from me. Including my family members. It can be quite discouraging for newcomers when they feel there's little chance of getting back together with those they love.

Yet I'm here to tell you that all of that can change. But it doesn't happen overnight. For most of us it doesn't happen even in the first six months. But within a few years – as long as we stay clean and sober – our families will realize that we're serious about recovery and start communicating with us once more.

I know that in my case it took about three years for my family to realize that I was serious about staying sober. And once they realized that, we started spending holidays together, summer vacations together and saw each other on a regular basis. At one point I had five family members living with me in a three-bedroom house.

And for some of us, the very unusual happens. For example in my case, I had a daughter show up who was born in the late 1960s, a child that I was unaware of.

As long as we remain in recovery, there's hope for us all.

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Recovery Friendships

Embarking on a journey through a 12-step program is a profound step towards recovery. One of the most valuable aspects of this process is the opportunity to forge genuine friendships with others who share similar struggles and triumphs. But why exactly is making friends in these programs so crucial to our recovery?

First and foremost, connection fosters accountability. When we engage with others who understand our challenges, we create a network of support that holds us accountable to our goals. These friendships offer a safe space to share our experiences and setbacks without judgment. Knowing that someone else is aware of our journey can be a powerful motivator to stay committed to our recovery goals.

Additionally, these relationships help combat isolation. Recovery can often feel like a solitary battle, and it’s easy to retreat into loneliness when times get tough. Friends within a 12-step program provide a sense of belonging and remind us that we’re not alone in our struggles. This sense of community is crucial for emotional well-being and can significantly enhance our resilience.

Sharing experiences with others who have walked a similar path also provides invaluable insight. Friends in recovery can offer practical advice based on their own experiences, helping us navigate the challenges we face. Their stories can serve as inspiration and practical guidance, showing us that recovery is not only possible but attainable.

Moreover, these friendships can help rebuild trust and develop social skills that may have been damaged by our struggles. By engaging in supportive relationships, we learn to communicate openly and practice empathy, which are vital components of a healthy, balanced life.

In essence, friendships formed in 12-step programs are more than just connections—they are lifelines. They offer support, accountability, and a sense of community that are essential for sustained recovery. By reaching out and building these relationships, we not only enrich our own journey but also contribute to the collective strength and success of our recovery community.

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Birthdays

In 12-step programs, celebrating sobriety dates is more than a tradition—it's a profound practice embodying hope, resilience, and personal growth. These milestone celebrations are crucial in acknowledging the hard-earned progress of individuals committed to their recovery journey.

1. Acknowledgment of Achievement

Sobriety dates are tangible markers of an individual’s dedication to overcoming addiction. Each milestone, whether it’s a week, month, or year of sobriety, represents a significant achievement. Celebrating these dates provides a moment to reflect on the hard work and perseverance that has led to this point. It’s a way to honor the commitment to change and recognize the strength it takes to maintain sobriety.

2. Motivation and Encouragement

Celebrations serve as powerful motivators. For those in the early stages of recovery, seeing others reach significant milestones can be incredibly encouraging. It reinforces the belief that long-term sobriety is possible, providing hope and inspiration. These celebrations also help individuals stay motivated, reminding them of the positive changes they've made and the rewarding path they are on.

3. Building Community and Support

In 12-step programs, sobriety celebrations are often communal events. They foster a sense of belonging and strengthen the support network. By coming together to celebrate individual successes, participants reinforce the communal spirit of the program. This shared celebration helps build stronger connections among members, creating a support system that’s crucial for continued sobriety.

4. Reflection and Gratitude

Sobriety dates offer an opportunity for reflection. It’s a chance to look back on the journey, acknowledge the struggles, and express gratitude for the support received along the way. This reflection can be therapeutic, reinforcing the personal growth achieved and enhancing the individual's sense of accomplishment.

5. Setting Future Goals

Celebrating sobriety dates also provides a platform to set new goals. It’s a moment to celebrate how far one has come and to set intentions for continued growth. This forward-looking aspect helps maintain focus and direction, ensuring that recovery remains a dynamic and evolving process.

In conclusion, celebrating sobriety dates is a vital aspect of 12-step programs. It recognizes achievements, inspires continued effort, strengthens community ties, and encourages ongoing personal development. By marking these milestones, individuals not only honor their journey but also reinforce the principles of recovery and hope that drive their path forward.

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Being Happy in 12-Step Programs

In the journey of recovery, the 12-step programs, such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Narcotics Anonymous (NA), offer a structured path towards healing and sobriety. While the focus is often on overcoming addiction, an essential yet sometimes overlooked aspect of this journey is the pursuit of happiness. Embracing happiness in recovery isn't just a nice-to-have; it’s a crucial component of sustained success and overall well-being.

Firstly, happiness serves as a powerful motivator. The process of recovery can be grueling and filled with challenges. By fostering a positive outlook and finding joy in the small victories, we can maintain the momentum needed to navigate the tough days. Happiness helps shift the focus from what is being lost (e.g., substances, old habits) to what is being gained—freedom, health, and a new way of life. This shift in perspective can make the journey feel more rewarding and less burdensome.

Furthermore, happiness in recovery is linked to resilience. The path to sobriety often involves facing past traumas and personal flaws, which can be emotionally taxing. Cultivating happiness helps build emotional resilience, enabling individuals to handle these challenges with greater ease. Positive emotions can buffer against the stress and anxiety that might otherwise lead to relapse.

In addition, finding joy in recovery strengthens relationships with others. The 12-step program emphasizes connection and community. When individuals approach their recovery with a sense of happiness, they often become more engaged, supportive, and empathetic members of their groups. This not only enhances their own recovery experience but also contributes to a more positive and encouraging environment for others

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Practicing Kindness

Kindness is a cornerstone of 12-step programs, helping to foster an environment of healing and support for those on the journey to recovery. In programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or Narcotics Anonymous (NA), the principle of kindness goes beyond mere pleasantries; it plays a vital role in the emotional and spiritual rehabilitation process.

First, kindness provides a foundation for trust. For many participants, entering a 12-step program is an act of vulnerability. They may arrive with broken relationships, shattered self-esteem, and feelings of deep shame or guilt. The kindness they experience from others—whether it be through a warm welcome, a smile, or a listening ear—creates a sense of safety that enables them to open up and engage in the program. Knowing they won’t be judged but rather supported helps participants develop trust in the group, which is essential for their healing journey.

Kindness also encourages a sense of community. 12-step programs are built on mutual aid, meaning that each participant both gives and receives support. Sharing personal stories, empathy, and encouragement reinforces the idea that members are not alone in their struggles. Acts of kindness, such as offering a ride to a meeting or sending a text of encouragement, build connections that help individuals stay engaged and committed to recovery. This sense of belonging can be a lifeline for someone who might otherwise feel isolated or hopeless.

Moreover, kindness allows for the practice of compassion, both for others and for oneself. Many individuals entering a 12-step program are hard on themselves, feeling intense guilt or self-hatred. By witnessing kindness in action and receiving it from others, they can begin to internalize these acts and extend the same compassion toward themselves. This self-kindness is critical in recovery, as it counters the negative self-talk that often drives addiction. Learning to treat oneself with care and patience is a transformative step in the recovery process.

Lastly, kindness fosters growth. Recovery is not linear; there are setbacks, challenges, and moments of despair. Kindness in these moments—whether it’s from a sponsor, a fellow member, or even a stranger at a meeting—can make the difference between relapse and perseverance. It reminds individuals that they are worthy of love and capable of change, reinforcing the belief that recovery is possible.

In essence, kindness in 12-step programs is not just a nice gesture—it's an essential element of the healing process, helping participants build trust, community, and self-compassion as they work toward long-term recovery.

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A Higher Power?

The concept of a Higher Power is a cornerstone of 12-step programs like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Narcotics Anonymous (NA), and others. For many, this notion represents a spiritual element essential to recovery. However, the idea can seem elusive or intimidating to those unfamiliar with it. To better understand this concept, let’s explore its significance and flexibility.

At its core, the Higher Power in 12-step programs is a way to encourage individuals to acknowledge that they are not alone in their struggle. It’s an invitation to believe in something greater than oneself, which can provide the strength and support needed to overcome addiction. This belief is rooted in the idea that surrendering to a Higher Power can help individuals relinquish the control that their addiction once had over them.

Importantly, the definition of a Higher Power is not rigid or prescriptive. The 12-step programs emphasize that this Higher Power can be understood in any way that resonates with the individual. It could be God, the universe, nature, or even the collective wisdom of the group. This flexibility allows people from diverse backgrounds and beliefs to find a form of spirituality that aligns with their personal values and experiences.

For many participants, the Higher Power concept fosters a sense of community and shared purpose. It helps members to see their struggles in a broader context, recognizing that they are part of a larger human experience. This collective understanding can provide comfort and a sense of belonging, which is crucial for those who may have felt isolated due to their addiction.

Moreover, the idea of a Higher Power can also act as a motivational tool. By believing that they are supported by something beyond their individual effort, participants may find renewed hope and resilience. It encourages them to let go of self-reliance and to trust in a process that is greater than their own limitations.

In conclusion, the Higher Power concept in 12-step programs is not about imposing a specific religious belief but rather about offering a framework for support and spiritual growth. It invites individuals to explore and embrace a source of strength that can help them navigate the path to recovery. Whether one sees it as a divine entity, a guiding force, or a supportive community, the essence of the Higher Power is to facilitate healing and personal transformation.

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Carry the Message

Carrying the message is a fundamental principle in 12-step programs, one that embodies the spirit of service, recovery, and community. The twelfth step, which encourages members to carry the message to others still suffering, is often seen as both a duty and a privilege. This step is not just about spreading the word; it’s about giving hope, providing support, and fostering a sense of connection that is essential for lasting recovery.

At its core, carrying the message is about sharing personal experiences, strength, and hope with others who are still struggling. By doing so, members demonstrate that recovery is possible, no matter how deep the despair or how long the battle with addiction has been. This act of sharing can be a lifeline for someone in the throes of addiction, offering a beacon of hope in what might otherwise feel like a hopeless situation.

Moreover, carrying the message is not only beneficial for those who receive it but also for those who deliver it. By helping others, members reinforce their own recovery. The process of sharing personal stories and offering guidance serves as a reminder of where they have been and how far they have come. This not only strengthens their commitment to sobriety but also deepens their understanding of the 12-step principles.

Carrying the message also helps to build and sustain the recovery community. As new members are introduced to the program and guided by those who have walked the path before them, the community grows stronger. This sense of connection and shared purpose is vital for maintaining the program's effectiveness. It ensures that no one has to navigate recovery alone and that everyone has access to the support they need.

In addition, carrying the message fulfills a moral responsibility. Those who have found freedom from addiction have an opportunity—and perhaps even an obligation—to reach out to those still suffering. By doing so, they contribute to a ripple effect of recovery that can transform lives, families, and entire communities.

In conclusion, carrying the message in 12-step programs is essential for both individual and collective recovery. It is an act of service that fosters hope, strengthens communities, and upholds the principles of the program. Through this practice, members not only help others but also continue to heal and grow themselves.

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The Power of a Mission-Driven Life

In the hustle and bustle of modern life, finding a sense of purpose can often feel elusive. Yet, having a clear purpose or mission in life is more than just a motivational buzzword; it's a fundamental driver of happiness and fulfillment.

Purpose acts as a compass, guiding you through life's ups and downs. When you have a mission, you're not merely reacting to circumstances; you're actively shaping your journey. This sense of direction provides clarity and focus, helping you to prioritize what truly matters and filter out distractions.

But what does it mean to have a purpose? It can be as grand as dedicating your life to a cause or as simple as striving to be the best version of yourself. The key is that it resonates with you on a deep level. Purpose often aligns with your passions, values, and strengths. It’s not about following someone else’s path but discovering and pursuing what genuinely excites and motivates you.

Research supports the idea that living with purpose is linked to greater well-being. People with a clear sense of purpose tend to experience lower stress levels, better physical health, and enhanced resilience. They approach challenges with a sense of determination and are more likely to find satisfaction in their accomplishments.

So, how do you find your purpose? Start by reflecting on what you love, what you’re good at, and what you care deeply about. Seek opportunities that align with these aspects. It might take time and experimentation, but the journey of discovering your purpose is as valuable as the destination.

Remember, having a mission in life is not about achieving perfection but about engaging deeply with the things that matter most to you. Embrace the journey, and let your purpose guide you toward a more fulfilling life.

If your goal is simply staying sober follow some of the ideas in the above paragraphs to achieve your dreams and find a mission in life.

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Saying No

Teaching children to say no is a fundamental skill that extends beyond everyday situations, including the crucial issue of drug resistance. When children are equipped with the ability to confidently decline requests or offers, they develop a robust defense against peer pressure, which is a significant factor in drug use among adolescents.Starting early, parents and educators can guide children in recognizing their personal boundaries and asserting them. Role-playing scenarios where children practice saying no to various pressures—whether it’s an unwanted invitation or a challenge—can reinforce their ability to make autonomous decisions. This practice helps build self-confidence and resilience, empowering them to maintain their stance when faced with more significant challenges, such as drug offers.

When children understand that it's okay to refuse and that their refusal should be respected, they gain a sense of autonomy and self-respect. This sense of self-worth is crucial when encountering situations involving drugs. The ultimate goal is to ensure that children have a strong sense of their own values and the confidence to stand by them, even when faced with social pressures.

Additionally, teaching children to say no also involves discussing the reasons behind their refusal, which can foster critical thinking and personal integrity. By delving into the consequences of drug use and the importance of making healthy choices, children learn to articulate their reasons for saying no, further reinforcing their ability to resist peer pressure.

Overall, instilling the skill to say no helps children build a foundation of self-assurance and moral strength. This preparation can be vital in their journey through adolescence, helping them navigate peer pressures with a clear, confident stance against drug use.

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A Family Affair?

Addiction and alcoholism are often referred to as "family diseases," a term that reflects how these conditions ripple through families, affecting not just the individual but everyone around them. This concept goes beyond the direct genetic links, encompassing the broader impact on a family's emotional, psychological, and social dynamics.

Genetic and Environmental Factors

Scientific research supports the idea that addiction and alcoholism have genetic components. Individuals with a family history of these issues are at a higher risk of developing them themselves. However, genetics alone don't paint the full picture. Environmental factors, such as growing up in a home where substance abuse is normalized, play a significant role. Children raised in such environments may be more likely to develop similar behaviors, partly due to learned patterns and coping mechanisms.

Emotional Impact on the Family

The effects of addiction extend far beyond the individual suffering from it. Family members often experience various emotions, including guilt, shame, anger, and helplessness. They may also develop unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as enabling the addict’s behavior, which perpetuates the cycle of addiction. Over time, relationships within the family can become strained or even broken as trust erodes and conflicts escalate.

The Cycle of Dysfunction

Addiction can create a cycle of dysfunction within families. For example, children who grow up in such environments may develop their own substance abuse issues or struggle with mental health challenges like anxiety and depression. These problems can persist into adulthood, leading to further familial difficulties and perpetuating the cycle for future generations.

Breaking the Cycle

Recognizing addiction as a family disease highlights the importance of involving the entire family in the recovery process. Family therapy, support groups like Al-Anon, and open communication are crucial in breaking the cycle. By addressing the issue as a collective problem rather than an individual failure, families can begin to heal together.

In conclusion, addiction and alcoholism are indeed family diseases, affecting everyone involved. Understanding this can lead to more effective and compassionate approaches to treatment and recovery.

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What the 12-Steps taught me in over 30 years

 Embarking on a journey with the 12-step program is like signing up for a lifelong course in personal growth and self-discovery. Over the past 30 years, the lessons I've learned extend far beyond the initial focus on addiction recovery. These principles have shaped my worldview and approach to life in profound ways.

First and foremost, the 12-step program has taught me the value of acceptance. The first step, admitting that I am powerless over my addiction, laid the groundwork for a deeper acceptance of my limitations. This principle is not confined to addiction; it applies to all aspects of life. Embracing my imperfections and recognizing that I can't control everything has fostered a healthier relationship with myself and others.

Another critical lesson has been the power of surrender. The idea that there is a higher power—however you define it—helps me let go of the illusion that I must control every outcome. Surrendering does not mean giving up; rather, it means accepting that some things are beyond my control and finding peace in that acceptance. This shift in perspective has reduced my anxiety and allowed me to focus on what I can change.

The program also emphasizes the importance of community and support. Over the years, the fellowship within the 12-step community has been a constant source of strength. The connections made and the shared experiences have reinforced the idea that we are not alone in our struggles. Mutual support and understanding are crucial for healing and personal growth.

Another invaluable lesson is the practice of rigorous honesty. The 12-step process encourages a deep, sometimes uncomfortable self-examination, leading to personal accountability and transformation. This ongoing practice of honesty helps me navigate life with integrity and build trust with others.

Finally, the program’s emphasis on service has been transformative. Helping others has not only reinforced my own recovery but has also given my life a deeper sense of purpose and fulfillment. Service is a reminder that giving back is a vital part of maintaining personal growth and staying grounded.

In essence, the 12-step program has been more than a path to recovery; it has been a guide for living a balanced and meaningful life. The lessons learned over these three decades continue to inspire and challenge me, making each day an opportunity for growth and renewal.

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Controlling Anger Before Turning to Drink or Drugs

When life throws challenges our way, it’s easy to fall into the trap of using alcohol or drugs as a means to cope with anger. However, turning to substances can often compound our issues, rather than resolving them. It’s crucial to develop strategies for managing anger effectively before reaching for a substance. Here are some practical approaches to help you take control.

First, recognize your triggers. Understanding what ignites your anger can help you anticipate and address these feelings before they escalate. Keeping a journal can be a powerful tool for tracking these triggers and reflecting on your responses. This self-awareness is the first step toward change.

Next, practice deep breathing and mindfulness techniques. When you feel anger rising, take a moment to pause and focus on your breath. Deep, slow breaths can help calm your nervous system and bring a sense of clarity. Mindfulness allows you to observe your emotions without being overwhelmed by them, creating space to choose a more constructive response.

Physical activity is another effective way to manage anger. Engaging in exercise can help release built-up tension and improve your mood. Even a short walk or a quick workout can make a significant difference in how you handle your emotions.

Moreover, seek support from others. Talking with a friend, family member, or therapist can provide valuable perspective and help you process your feelings. Sharing your struggles can lighten your emotional load and offer new strategies for coping.

Finally, consider developing healthy hobbies and interests that provide a constructive outlet for your emotions. Creative activities, such as painting, writing, or playing music, can be incredibly therapeutic and reduce the temptation to turn to substances.

By employing these strategies, you can manage your anger more effectively and make healthier choices for your well-being. Remember, taking control of your emotions is a powerful step toward a more balanced and fulfilling life.

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